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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas Eve 'Surprise'

246 replies

sns12 · 03/12/2019 13:10

I need some wisdom.

I live in a foreign country, and have not seem DM or DF for over a year.

DH thought it'd be a nice idea to book a 'surprise' Christmas trip to see my parents. The only flights which were affordable/fitted around work arrive in the UK at 4pm on the 24th. It'll take an additional 3 hours to navigate public transport to my parents house.

So here is my dilemma - the surprise element is nice, but my mum thinks it will just be her and my dad, so won't be prepared with food provisions or organisation. I couldn't care less what I eat on the 25th, but am worried the surprise will backfire and lead to stress.

So my question is: AIBU just to turn-up on the 24th without telling them to make this a Christmas surprise? Or do you think it's better to be more cautious and tell them before?

Opinions appreciated.

OP posts:
lifeisgoodagain · 03/12/2019 13:26

I would tell them, if would have completely thrown my mum when i lived abroad

Panicovereveryone · 03/12/2019 13:28

Surely you know your parents? I could turn up at 3 in the morning and shout surprise and my DM would be happy to see me. If I did that to my MIL (when she was with us), the shock would have killed her!

superfandango · 03/12/2019 13:28

They'll still be thrilled to see you if you give them advance warning. I'd be worried about turning up and them already having plans made with friends for the days when you're there.

FrancisCrawford · 03/12/2019 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 03/12/2019 13:30

Definitely tell them. It would have thrown my mum into a complete panic and would have negated the positive elements of ‘surprise’. Tell her now and it will give her something to look forward to. She’ll still get a nice surprise, it just won’t be on Christmas Day.

AChickenCalledDaal · 03/12/2019 13:30

A super-organised, plan-in-advance type mother is quite likely to be very stressed out by this. I can think of people that would already have the veg peeled and table laid (for two) by 4pm on Christmas Eve!

Or they might even have other guests, or be planning to go out!

Whiskers14 · 03/12/2019 13:30

Hmm, it's a lovely surprise in theory, but what if a) they've been invited elsewhere on the 25th (to friends, etc) but haven't mentioned it because it doesn't affect you and b) the trains aren't running on Xmas Eve (there are strikes going on all over the place). That's without factoring in the food issue. I think you'll have to say something.

Purpleartichoke · 03/12/2019 13:32

If you showed up on the 24th with no notice,

The guest bed would be strewn with wrapping detritus
There would not be appropriate food for any meals.

I would likely be in my pjs, possibly enjoying some holiday revelry with my husband

You would turn me into a giant ball of stress for your entire visit.

Give them time to wash linens, stock up on guest food, and just mentally prepare.

FrostythefeckinSnowman · 03/12/2019 13:33

My DS's both live overseas. I'd be mortified if they turned up with their partners unannounced on 24th. The spare bedrooms would need sorting for starters and bed making plus all the food logistics.
A few days notice on the other hand would be fine.
Stressful but do-able.

BlackCatSleeping · 03/12/2019 13:35

Definitely tell them. What if they've organised a swingers party or something?

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 03/12/2019 13:35

Omg tell them!

They have 3 weeks to feel really excited then, that's a great gift to them!

PuppyMonkey · 03/12/2019 13:36

I think the only way to do the grand Christmas Eve surprise thing is if you also turn up with all the food ready prepared in advance or a confirmed booking to the pub down the road etc.

And you do all the cooking, preparing and sorting of the spare room.

Ok, I admit this is all pretty much just me and how I'd react. Grin

sillysmiles · 03/12/2019 13:36

If your mother is the type to have loads of food in and be able to go with the flow then don't tell her. But if she will have bought exactly what she needs and no more, then tell her because the stress will outweigh the surprise.

Only you will know how she'll take it?

Alternatively, could you tell your Dad and get him in on the secret and then surprise your mum?

Aria2015 · 03/12/2019 13:37

I think you're right. It will still be a lovely surprise if they find out in advance but they could be planning a TV dinner if they think it's just them and be mortified they can't offer more. Unless of course they go to town at Christmas regardless of numbers? I'd tell them maybe the week before?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/12/2019 13:37

These things are always nicer for the surprisee if there is someone there waiting who is in on the surprise who can make sure everything is right for the surprise to happen without any panic about arrangements and food etc

And in the extreme silly worst case scenario, what if there was an incident which meant you went missing/were taken to hospital seriously injured - no-one would know you were missing so wouldn’t be looking for you.

FilthyforFirth · 03/12/2019 13:38

Massively in the minority but I'd love this! HOWEVER, I love surprises. If you dont know that your parents do for sure then dont risk it and tell them!

Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2019 13:38

I think there are a million reasons not to do this! But one of them is that you would be taking away the lovely feeling of looking forward to something, from them. Surely that is one of the most lovely things in life Smile.

All for ten seconds of reaction. Please tell askthem Smile.

CroissantsAtDawn · 03/12/2019 13:38

Agree with most PPs. I live abroad. Much as my parents adore my visits, they would be stressing about food (not just buying it but all the prep and cooking) and having clean sheets/towels etc.

They love welcoming us to them, but they want it to be a real welcome, with all our favourite food and drink.

They may also have some plans. And my mum stresses when plans are put out, even if it's just going for a walk somewhere.

MarshallPNutt · 03/12/2019 13:39

Tell them - but perhaps leave it until a bit closer to the time (e.g. a week ahead). That way it's still a nice surprise but they have time to do some prep if they want to.

RatherBeRiding · 03/12/2019 13:39

I would hate 2 unexpected guests turning up late Christmas Eve! I would, on the other hand, love knowing a few days in advance so I could stock up on food, get the spare room ready, have a few days' excitement of knowing much loved visitors were on their way.

You need to let them know.

2shepherds · 03/12/2019 13:40

My lovely Mum loves it when we visit. It would add to her happiness and excitement if she could spend some time before the visit looking forward to it. May be your parents might be the same?

justanotherlemontree · 03/12/2019 13:41

I think there are a million reasons not to do this! But one of them is that you would be taking away the lovely feeling of looking forward to something, from them. Surely that is one of the most lovely things in life

This is exactly my thought. Looking forward to Christmas is at least half the fun, so let them have that fun!

Poppinjay · 03/12/2019 13:42

You don't suprise people by turning up to stay at their house, especially at Christmas.

I would be angry if someone did that to me and that would destroy any pleasure I would have experienced from the visit.

Tell them. It will be a lovely surprise now and they will have time to plan Christmas properly.

caperberries · 03/12/2019 13:42

Looking forward to your arrival will make the lead-up to Christmas happier and more exciting for them.
And even if you tell them now - it's still a surprise. Definitely tell them.

hidinginthenightgarden · 03/12/2019 13:43

I would place an order to be picked up xmas eve close to them for the extras she will need. Then ring her up before you board the flight and tell her then plan. All she will need to do is pick up the food and make up some beds!

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