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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas Eve 'Surprise'

246 replies

sns12 · 03/12/2019 13:10

I need some wisdom.

I live in a foreign country, and have not seem DM or DF for over a year.

DH thought it'd be a nice idea to book a 'surprise' Christmas trip to see my parents. The only flights which were affordable/fitted around work arrive in the UK at 4pm on the 24th. It'll take an additional 3 hours to navigate public transport to my parents house.

So here is my dilemma - the surprise element is nice, but my mum thinks it will just be her and my dad, so won't be prepared with food provisions or organisation. I couldn't care less what I eat on the 25th, but am worried the surprise will backfire and lead to stress.

So my question is: AIBU just to turn-up on the 24th without telling them to make this a Christmas surprise? Or do you think it's better to be more cautious and tell them before?

Opinions appreciated.

OP posts:
Difficultcustomer · 03/12/2019 14:21

If your DM likes being organised then don’t make this a surprise. Presumably they would want to buy gifts for Christmas Day, make up a room and include you in any plans.

Thinkingabout1t · 03/12/2019 14:22

I’ve just seen your latest post. So glad you’ve told them!

rhubarbcrumbles · 03/12/2019 14:23

My grandmother died not knowing her son (my Dad) was planning on visiting her (overseas, he hadn't been for years). It was first time I saw my Dad really properly cry.

That's really sad Sad

Isithometimeyet0987 · 03/12/2019 14:24

I done it last year me, dh and dd turned up at my mum and dads house. I roped in my 16 yo brother to help, I transferred money into his account and sent him a shopping list, he managed to hide it all in my grandads fridge and freezer (he knew aswell and had space as him and Nana come to my mum for xmas dinner). It depends on how you think your parents would react, I knew mine would love it and I had help to get it done.

Chottie · 03/12/2019 14:30

Please tell them. Your DPs may have decided to go away themselves.....

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 03/12/2019 14:31

Public transport often finishes early on xmas eve so are you sure you can even get there? there may not be any trains/buses.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/12/2019 14:34

Definitely tell them. Jesus christ I would shit my brains out if I invited two people for food and 4 turned up.

Original poster
sns12 · 03/12/2019 14:34

DH has surprised his mum before and it went down well, but she is a different personality and not so phased by things. I think it's more of a thing where he is from (we both live in a country different to our birth now), so he assumed the surprise route would work.

We both knew they were planning to be at home just by themselves on the day, so that wouldn't have been an issue, but the fact I knew all the shops would be closed (and they tend to make sure they're not anywhere near a supermarket on the 24th) was causing me to become concerned.

If the consensus here had been different I'd probably have tried to go down the surprise route still, but it was pretty clear reading the responses that this is not something that was likely to end up going down well and I really didn't want it to backfire because I wasn't considering it from their angle properly.

OP posts:
mumwon · 03/12/2019 14:35

any chance that they might organised a Christmas away or a meal for 2 at a pub or have some friends over or go to friends etc etc I would check exactly what they are doing for Christmas first (don't put any ideas in their head but suggest you want to ring them on Christmas Day) than ring them even at this stage I will be a nice surprise & they will have the fun of preparing for you.

foamrolling · 03/12/2019 14:36

Yes definitely tell them as they'll be hosting you - if you were going to suprise them by joining them on a holiday so your arrival would mean no extra work or effort then that would be great. It feels wrong somehow to just rock up and expect to be hosted - even if it's your own parents who will no doubt be very pleased to see you.

Original poster
sns12 · 03/12/2019 14:37

Yes, I checked the trains beforehand, and I will still be able to get there. I don't want them to have to drive because it's a bit of a difficult journey for them, and I think it'd be unfair to expect them to do a 5 hour roundtrip on Christmas Eve.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 03/12/2019 14:37

Well done OP, that's the right outcome. 'Surprises' are, er, surprisingly difficult to pull off unless you really think them through. My brother and I did a surprise party for our parents' 40th anniversary and the planning and plotting that went into making that work... Things I knew my mum would hate include, seeing all her friends when she's not got her party frock on or done her hair; things my dad would have hated included that feeling that no one cares about your special day because they are all 'too busy' to see you (ie they are all coming to the party but you mustn't know about it)... so DB and I told them we were taking them 'out somewhere nice' and refused to give any more info.

Bibidy · 03/12/2019 14:39

Give them the surprise now!

"Surprise, we're coming over on Christmas Eve! Can't wait".

Problem solved.

Bibidy · 03/12/2019 14:39

Ah I've seen you've sorted it. Well done.

Elle7rose · 03/12/2019 14:43

I definitely think you need to tell them.

My parents would hate to be unprepared for a visit from my sibling (I'm currently staying with them) because they like the place to be clean/tidy and to have special treats in for them.

I think there's great potential for your parents to feel embarrassed and stressed.

Elle7rose · 03/12/2019 14:46

Oh sorry I should have read the thread!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/12/2019 14:46

I think you did the right thing OP. Hope you all have a lovely time

ElluesPichulobu · 03/12/2019 14:50

Was about to post advice but managed to RTFT and saw your update - brilliant that you have now told them. Have a brilliant Christmas.

poorstudent1010 · 03/12/2019 14:53

You still did surprise them! But in a more happy-surprise way by telling them now, rather than stressful-surprise by just showing up on their doorstep on Christmas eve!

JemSynergy · 03/12/2019 14:54

Tell them. I like to know when family are coming over so I can have things ready.

JemSynergy · 03/12/2019 14:54

Oops just seen the update !

bridgetreilly · 03/12/2019 14:56

I would phone them now and say, "Surprise! We've been able to book flights and we're coming to visit for Christmas."

Still lovely, but without the stress of unexpected visitors at such short notice.

BrickTop999 · 03/12/2019 14:57

A surprise is a surprise at the time you reveal it ! So surprise them now, so they can be delighted, plan and get ready for house guests at Christmas !

Ginfordinner · 03/12/2019 14:57

Aw. I love an AIBU with a happy outcome. I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas sns12

bridgetreilly · 03/12/2019 14:58

So anyway, phoned my dad just now before he went to the post office and have told them and they're very excited.

Perfect! Hope you all have a lovely Christmas.