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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas Eve 'Surprise'

246 replies

sns12 · 03/12/2019 13:10

I need some wisdom.

I live in a foreign country, and have not seem DM or DF for over a year.

DH thought it'd be a nice idea to book a 'surprise' Christmas trip to see my parents. The only flights which were affordable/fitted around work arrive in the UK at 4pm on the 24th. It'll take an additional 3 hours to navigate public transport to my parents house.

So here is my dilemma - the surprise element is nice, but my mum thinks it will just be her and my dad, so won't be prepared with food provisions or organisation. I couldn't care less what I eat on the 25th, but am worried the surprise will backfire and lead to stress.

So my question is: AIBU just to turn-up on the 24th without telling them to make this a Christmas surprise? Or do you think it's better to be more cautious and tell them before?

Opinions appreciated.

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 03/12/2019 14:58

I’m glad you told them. I’d hate it if this happened - I’m sure we could quite comfortably cater for unexpected visitors as we always have about five times as much needed, but I don’t like surprises and would be miffed.

Could you hire a car rather than public transport? Might be easier all round.

Cultoffortnite · 03/12/2019 15:04

Ha! I did this to my parents once, almost gave them a heart attack as they thought something was wrong!
I would tell them now - it’s still going to be a lovely surprise if they haven’t seen you in a year and aren’t expecting you to come home

SunshineAngel · 03/12/2019 15:17

It would send my dad spiralling into a panic if he had unexpected guests to Christmas Dinner.

They will be thrilled to see you, but please give them notice.

TartanMarbled · 03/12/2019 15:22

I would love this surprise if I were your mum and dad, it's a gorgeous idea! They're very lucky x

StarlingsInSummer · 03/12/2019 15:26

If you'd posted this 2 weeks ago, I'd have said get a food delivery booked for Xmas Eve. As it is, I think you might struggle to get a slot! A lot of the supermarkets have released their Xmas week slots and they've been snapped up. So I'd tell them.

Notverygrownup · 03/12/2019 15:27

Glad that you told them.

Now, I just want to know where all of these people advising you to book a supermarket delivery for 24th shop. I booked weeks ago, and could only get 20th as the nearest slot. Am I missing a trick? Who still has delivery dates for 24th free? (Could do with more fresh stuff delivering)

Bluerussian · 03/12/2019 15:38

You're not at all unreasonable. it wouldn't be fair to your parents to put that surprise on them, they need time to prepare. Alternatively you could stay in a hotel nearby and invite them for a Christmas dinner there and go to their house for more casual socialising. I still think you should let them know in advance though. Surprises often fall flat.

I am sure they'll be pleased to see you.

Bluerussian · 03/12/2019 15:39

PS, looks like you've told them. Good. I'm glad they are excited and hope you have a great time.

kateandme · 03/12/2019 15:58

can you do online delivery for latest possibly time.you can get a slot and send it to a different adress to your own ie your parents.that means when you get there the food will then arrive?

kateandme · 03/12/2019 15:59

oops from just looking up i see you might have sorted this.sorry!i know we should read the whole thread its just so hard when your so lazy Blush

andpancakesforbreakfast · 03/12/2019 16:07

I don't know your parents, so impossible to say.

I would hate it personally. Half the pleasure of relatives coming to visit is looking forward to it, so I would miss out on that.

I also like to be prepared, and relax a lot more because I've done everything in advance. I could change my plans obviously, but I'd rather not!

BlouseAndSkirt · 03/12/2019 16:13

How were we supposed to use the voting buttons, given that you asked two questions?

Anyway, glad it worked out. You have done the right thing. Have a lovely time.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 03/12/2019 16:14

Glad you told them. I'd hate to have 2 unexpected guests because I'd need to get twice as much food in and if they turned up Xmas Eve when everywhere was shut I wouldn't be able to do that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/12/2019 16:20

Good call.

WaxOnFeckOff · 03/12/2019 16:29

Great that you've told them. They still had a surprise finding out that you are coming, now they have the build up excitement of seeing you and then the pleasure of you actually being there too. Have a great Christmas.

Clymene · 03/12/2019 16:32

Your visit is a surprise! It's just a surprise that they have had some advance warning of rather than a last minute one :)

I'm sure you'll have a lovely Xmas

2018SoFarSoGreat · 03/12/2019 16:36

Glad you've told them OP. I hate surprises like this. It did happen once. I live in Forrin and was expecting DM, DGM & DAunt for a visit, and had carefully planned out sleeping arrangements for three women - totally doable with both DC bunking in same room, fold out bed, and two guests sharing a bed in the other room. Come to find my DF hiding in the taxi when they arrived. I almost fainted! So glad to see him, but meant DH and I gave up our room to parents, and we had to sleep on single mattress in with DC. Not quite the holiday we had planned. Still, was marvelous and I would not have missed it for the world.

Durgasarrow · 03/12/2019 16:48

Oh my god, what a nightmare to have guests suddenly turning up when you don't expect them!

HopelessLayout · 03/12/2019 16:55

"Surprise" them by telling them now that you're coming. Then they will also have the fun of looking forward to your visit (as well as the opportunity to plan meals, etc.).

HopelessLayout · 03/12/2019 16:56

Whoops, you've already done it. Ignore me.

KittyMarmalade · 03/12/2019 17:00

As fun as it would be to surprise them, I don't think it's fair to dump this on them at 7pm Xmas Eve, especially if you're expecting bed and board from them. I think I'd give them 24 or 48 hours notice.... it will still be a surprise and feel precious at such short (but not no-) notice.

Tighnabruaich · 03/12/2019 17:10

I'm relieved you told them. I kept thinking - what if parents are actually going away on the 24th? What if they don't have enough food and drink in for two extra guests? What if they have plans to go out with friends etc etc.
So all's well that ends well.

wibdib · 03/12/2019 17:12

Bil turned up as a surprise for mil one year - she was having a big party to celebrate a big birthday and his siblings knew so were able to get the venue to add a couple of extra places and make sure there were rooms and food ready for the rest of the stay.

First time she saw him was at the party. Second thing she said to him on seeing him - I’ve just paid good money to send your Christmas presents! (It was also at Christmas.).

As it was her. Irthday and there were lots of visitors around she was ok as siblings had stepped in so we’re catering other meals anyway but she would have been thrown if it had been a normal quiet year.

Think you have done absolutely the right thing.

FinallyHere · 03/12/2019 17:43

Great idea but doooo tell her. All the fun of anticipation and being organised and all the fuss out of the way before the visitors arrive.

I hate surprises
DSis hates surprises
DM hates surprises.

Looking at you, DH, the I love surprises man.

Lclaytonuk5555 · 04/12/2019 17:41

I think they’d love to look forward to seeing you.