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To ask how to achieve true 'happiness'

176 replies

soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:10

I'm reading a self help book at the moment about how to achieve happiness and it's got me thinking.

Society is constantly promoting the idea that 'stuff' makes us happy and I fell into this trap, but now I have bought all the 'stuff' I ever wanted and realised how wrong I was and now I'm a bit stuck.

A bit about me, without trying to sound like I'm boasting I'm really not but I have a good husband, more money than I ever thought I would, am in good health, looking to start a family, have a successful career and still don't feel truly 'fulfilled' and wonder what it will take for me to?

Monday to Friday is a drag, I do hobbies, have friends keep busy etc etc but still I'm struggling to be truly happy and feel bored most of the time.

I travel lots and have pretty much a charmed life so why do I still feel like this?

I look at most people's life and it seems to be much the same.

I'm thinking/hoping having kids might give me this purpose but then so many people say it's the wrong reason to have kids but I feel like that's the reason majority of people have them. If life was so great before kids why would anyone have them if it wasn't to enrich their life?

I'm worried if I have them, what if I feel the same and still don't feel 'fulfilled' what happens then?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Is anyone truly happy and if so, what makes you happy?

OP posts:

MT2017 · 01/12/2019 20:13

Don't have kids to 'make you happy' Confused

They are hard work!


soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:16

U don't think having kids will solve the whole issue but so many people say kids give them a reason and purpose for everything. If this wasn't the case why would people have them?

OP posts:

soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:16

Sorry was meant to say I not U!!

OP posts:

housewifeoflittleitaly · 01/12/2019 20:17

What do you actually want?

I found I wanted the complete opposite of what society says. I plan on giving up my career, downsizing my home, living as self sufficiently as possibly & owning very little.

I’ve spend the last few years preparing for this & I am quite happy. What cares about “society” do what makes you happy!!


soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:18

Just interest to know what makes people happy? Has anyone actually achieved full happiness and contentment and wake up in the morning thinking how amazing is life??

If you do wake up like this then I'm interested to know what it is that makes you happy?

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 01/12/2019 20:18

I don’t think it’s quantifiable necessarily, as you say you can tick all the ‘boxes’ of what it means to be happy but still feel unfulfilled.
Generally though it varies from person to person. For me mostly it comes from appreciating my lot in life, the love of my partner, my friends, my family - having a roof over my head, general health etc. Valuing the small things and finding beauty and joy where you can.


marmitemayonnaise · 01/12/2019 20:19

Well a lot of people have kids because society tells us to.
My kids definitely enrich my life and bring me huge happiness (and stress and worry!) but I think you can absolutely be fulfilled without children.

Not comparing yourself and your life to others, and learning to appreciate the everyday are what bring happiness I think. Which kids can help teach so maybe that's part of it.


soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:20

I’ve spend the last few years preparing for this & I am quite happy. What cares about “society” do what makes you happy!!

This is my point I don't care what society thinks. But I'm saying in my early twenties I bought into the notion that soon as you have all the money, cars and clothes and house you want you'll be happy. We are sold this notion every day and so many people are chasing it.

It took me reaching this point to realise it doesn't. So now I'm searching again to find what does.

OP posts:

Dapplegrey · 01/12/2019 20:20

I am happy with my lot. I’ve got a wonderful, kind husband who doesn’t lose his temper, keeps calm in crises and I think, loves me.
We’ve got two wonderful children who are the lights of our lives.
These blessings sustain me when problems and difficulties arise, as I don’t think there’s a living soul who goes through life without any problems.
Op, you say you’ve got a successful career, but you’re bored most of the time. What about a different job or a career change?


MattBerrysHair · 01/12/2019 20:20

True happiness is a fairytale and doesn't exist. Contentment with your life and being at peace with yourself is achievable, and they include acceptance of the struggles, pain and mundanity of life as well as the all lovely parts. Being able to accept what you have no control over is the key, in my opinion.


Brimful · 01/12/2019 20:20

I don't have DC but my life has a great deal of meaning and happiness.

If your DH, financial stability, career, friends and family don't create a sense of happiness for you, it's unlikely (and unfair to expect) that a baby will fill that hole.

How long have you felt this way?


soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:21

I have no idea what I want this is why interested to hear what makes other people truly Happy as it might give me some clues lol

When I look around at most people in general day to day life I think it's a minority are truly happy so I'm interested to hear who is and how?

OP posts:

AnneTwackie · 01/12/2019 20:22

I read this quote that was attributed to Shakespeare that said “the purpose of life is to find your gift, the meaning of life is to give it away’.
I kind of like it and feel that doing good for others makes my bit of the world a bit better, which is fulfilling.


MarshaBradyo · 01/12/2019 20:22

I think having children can bring this happiness you talk about, the only thing is it’s personal and what is true for someone else might not be for you. It’s a bit hard as you can’t try it out first.


Sparklesocks · 01/12/2019 20:23

And yes happiness/fulfilment isn’t a constant state of mind - you can be happy overall but still wake up for work and think oh bluegh I don’t fancy work today. It doesn’t mean you’re unhappy because you’re not constantly in awe of every second of your day. It’s more about your happiness sustaining you to push through those moments of discontentment.


AppropriateAdult · 01/12/2019 20:23

I don’t think it’s part of the human psyche to be uncomplicatedly happy as a permanent state. Striving for things, wanting more, looking for novelty are all normal aspects of the human condition. Moments of happiness in a life of ups and downs is pretty normal, I would think. Do you like your job?


UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber · 01/12/2019 20:24

Op I’ve recently got into the concept of active gratitude. It has been helping improve my mindset into a more positive happy one and focusing on the good not the bad. I’ve been using the “6 minute diary” ( amazon sell it) and it is surprisingly effective for little time input. Worth a look.

Reading that back I sound like a jerk but I do feel better for doing it.


soph7777 · 01/12/2019 20:24

I've felt this way now since turning thirty so four years.

I don't know what it is about the 30 milestone but it's really been a turning point for me.

I think perhaps I feel I've achieved everything I set out to, I don't mean it in a boastful way but there's nothing left that I have a burning desire to do or achieve anymore.

I'm currently changing my job role at the minute although it's not possible to give up completely for various reasons. Not right now anyway.

OP posts:

ssd · 01/12/2019 20:25

The older I get the less I want to buy. I'm not impressed by money. Someone with lots of money acquired it by giving up something else.


TuttiCutie · 01/12/2019 20:26

Happiness is accepting that life is about 70%-80% mundane, boring, plodding along or stress and struggle

And you've got to find the happiness in the other 20-30% - even if it's something simple like a nice slice of cake, walking the dog along the canal in the frost and bright sunlight, looking forward to something good on the TV.

Also too much navel gazing and asking yourself "am I truly happy" all the time isn't good for you.


cptartapp · 01/12/2019 20:27

I'm in my 40's, healthy, happily married, financially stable etc, but my DC (as well as several holidays) are my main source of happiness..and they're teens! Having lost both parents young and in tragic circumstances, I now appreciate the little things in life. Watching DS1 play football today. Seeing DS2 celevrate his birthday next week. Because they never got the chance.


MandeLular · 01/12/2019 20:27

I have felt like this a lot, but I have also had clinical depression on and off, I think I'm predisposed to be a bit morose!

But tbh what makes me happiest is few demands/commitments and lots of time to persue what is interesting/important to me.


MattBerrysHair · 01/12/2019 20:27

To answer your question, feeling positive about my relationships and feeling productive makes me happy.


Beautiful3 · 01/12/2019 20:28

Meditation, and reiki and great tools for happiness.


SweetSally · 01/12/2019 20:28

I think you've fallen into a consumerism trap. If you were to volunteer in Zambia for 1 year and work with children there and help them learn at school and provide basic health needs you will feel much more fulfilled then you've ever imagined or read about. It's about giving. And it's about other people. Kids are not there to make you happy, it's about you making them happy.

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