Ex feeding DS sisters expressed breast milk

[Scousefae]

Without going into too much detail, ex and I have never seen eye to eye since DS's birth (he is now 4.5 months old). It's the usual bollocks of he and his family knows better, I'm a bad mum blah blah blah. Just for the record, DS is perfect weight, happy and hitting all development milestones as he should be. He is well loved, cared for and he has everything he could ever possibly need.

It recently came to light that he had discussed the need to feed DS breast milk as I 'couldn't be bothered' and had no care for DS's well being' at our shared work place. This is not the case, we tried for the first month and struggled due to a tongue tie which wasn't diagnosed when leaving the hospital.

I have tried to discuss this with him but hit the usual wall of ignorance. He tends to ignore me to maintain some kind of moral high ground whenever he is caught out in a lie or caught out generally being a prick.

There has been constant lies and feeding of the work place gossips well before DS was born and I am well aware this could be the same but as a lot of things said have turned out to ring true I am absolutely furious with him.

I understand wet nurses are used in certain situations and have nothing against it but I do not want my child to breastfed by another woman, whether the milk is expressed or not.

I am sick with anger but am worried I am being unreasonable to be so mad. Things are really bad at the moment between us and we are currently attending mediation so I want to make sure I deal with it in the right way.

What would you do? Am I being the unreasonable one here? I really don't believe I am but am happy to hear that I am.

Thank you all

Sorry I haven't read the full thread, but I would be FURIOUS in your position. It is NOT on

I have no idea why this isn’t about the car seat, which as pp have pointed out is actually illegal and puts your son at great risk.

The problem isn't really breastmilk vs formula as some people have made it into, the problem is that OP wasn't told what her son was being fed. If her son came home with a rash and other allergy symptoms and the doctor asked her what he was fed - she wouldn't know about the breast milk. I can't see her ex's SIL going to the effort of changing her diet to accommodate a child that only gets whatever breastmilk she doesn't need occasionally. I've breastfed my youngest and I do think breastmilk is hugely beneficial - however I would only ever accept donated breastmilk if I knew where it was coming from and was able to have a sensible discussion with the donor about any potential food intolerance/allergies that might appear. It doesn't sound like OP can do this.

OP there are clearly some huge issues here that would suggest supervised contact is the best way forward (the car seat for instance, and your ex's lack of consistency in turning up).

I have absolutely no problem with wet nursing when it's consensual, but it seems this is a control issue and I would most definitely be recording this somewhere formally. The man sounds unhinged.

I'm probably going to come across as batshit but I swear to god if I found out my family or ex were letting this happen I would consider beating the shit out of the wannabe wet nurse/poking its nose where it's not wanted. I'd refuse contact and drag the fucker through court, I actually feel quite sick at the thought of some one elses bodily fluid being forced upon my children infact I'd even go as far to prosecute if it were possible assault with bodily fluids and I'd ensure that hell would freeze over before bitch in law got any contact. I sound ott but breastfeeding is very personal.

@ChongADong what a nasty thing to say. Are you saying that to the woman who earlier wrote she had cancer so could not breastfeed? Are you really, with the sanctimony dripping in that sentence, telling her what she fed her baby is really not ok? Really? Expert? No.

If you're batshit Raspberry then so am I, the Sister or whatever she is is a prick of the highest order.