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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My cousin is naming her DD the same name as my DDs

285 replies

hedgehug · 01/12/2019 11:01

My cousin has accounced the name she has chosen for her daughter who was born earlier thid week. This name is exactly the same as my daughter's only different spelling, one letter difference, same pronunciation. It's not a very popular name but not unusual either. I just find it really odd that she would use the same name, no one in our family shares a name, we all have very different names and I think it will be really confusing. We spend a lot of time together as a family, our children spend a lot of time together, I'm just really confused as to why she would pick the same name. WIBU to talk to her about it?

OP posts:
Lalapurple · 01/12/2019 11:51

I don't think I would mind especially as there is an age gap, but I think I would probably say something in a curious why have you given them the same name way...don't think it's unreasonable to ask why they have chosen the name.

Sallyseagull · 01/12/2019 11:52

It wouldn't bother me tbh, no one owns a name and all that.

selfhelpneeded · 01/12/2019 11:53

We are quite close and they'll be seeing eachother regularly, with the age difference they might not be really close but they'll certainly know eachother

And? Do you think it will b detrimental to your 11yo to have a baby with the same name as her?

ChristaMSieland · 01/12/2019 11:53

So something like Alix/Alex, Clare/Claire or more unusual than that?

SwedishEdith · 01/12/2019 11:54

If it was say Sophie and Sophia, I would say they are different names.

Agree. I was wondering if Amelia and Amelie. Anyway, an 11 year age gap will mean they're not close or confused.

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/12/2019 11:54

I'd wouldn't be annoyed at all. In reality, time will probably mean they aren't that close. People manage this all the time, in families, at work, in friendship groups - it's not an issue.

ParkheadParadise · 01/12/2019 11:55

My sister has the same name as 7 of my cousins. My auntie and Gran also have this name.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2019 11:55

I'd see it as a compliment, people don't use a name if they know someone they dislike who has it. So clearly they think highly of your daughter.

It's a bit unusual but I'd try to think of it as a compliment.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 01/12/2019 11:55

I think it depends on how close the cousins are and how close in age the children are. My cousin and I are very close and are more like sisters than cousins. Our DD’s are 4 years apart and do spend a lot of time together. For us it would be strange if we both used the same name as the children would see each other a lot.
I do have cousins on the other side of my family I rarely see (only funerals and weddings really). They are all 10-20 years older than me and if we used the same name for our children no one would bat an eye.

Our family does have a lot of family names. I’m named after my aunt. My mum is named after her mum. My brother was named after my dad, and has now given his son the same name. There are also cousins named after other parents or uncles and aunts. I personally went with a first name outside all the family names and used DD’s middle names for that. Her 2 middle names are her grandmothers names and they go really well together.

In the op’s situation it’s a bit 50/50 for me. 11 year age gap is enough to avoid any confusion but if they see each other a lot and are close then it might be a bit strange. If it was me I would probably be a bit annoyed but not furious. You could always tell your DS that the new baby is named after him which would probably make him feel special. I know at 11 it would have been pretty cool if someone named their baby after me.

Amanduh · 01/12/2019 11:57

Yes you don’t own a name etc etc but it’s weird, it just is.

MillicentMartha · 01/12/2019 11:59

There are lots of shared names between the generations in my family, aunties and nieces, uncles and nephews, granddads and grandsons, nanas and granddaughters. Not so many within a generation but I have 18 first cousins and countless second cousins. Not even Irish! Lots of middle names are family names as well. Robert, Bob and Bobby, Margaret, Peggy and Maggie, John and Johnny and Jonathan, Ted and Eddie, Thomas and Tommy, even Christine and Christopher!
Personally, I think it’s lovely.

thehorseandhisboy · 01/12/2019 12:00

My husband's cousin did this. We thought it was sweet and a compliment.

At 11, my dd would have absolutely loved her baby cousin being named the same as her.

sauvignonblancplz · 01/12/2019 12:03

I would not let this bother me at all. It’s a name and it’s silly to be annoyed about it when you all
Spend time together so clearly enjoy each other’s company.
The cousins will probably love to, something special for them both .

GertiMJN · 01/12/2019 12:06

if they see each other a lot and are close then it might be a bit strange. If it was me I would probably be a bit annoyed but not furious

But I'm still not understanding what there is to be annoyed or furious about? What is detrimental in this situation?

crazyhead · 01/12/2019 12:06

I have loads of cousins, and gave my kids (who are younger) have the same names as two of them.

I didn't think twice (I liked the names) and would be astonished if my cousins cared! But we have a very large family and aren't close.

Giving my kids the same names as best friends kids would have had a bigger impact I suppose, though one of my very best friends gave her kid one of the same names as my kid, and I give so little of a monkeys that I am only just remembering this fact as I type. So takes all sorts, I suppose.

Shosha1 · 01/12/2019 12:06

Scottish Family. I broke the mould with the first Grandson by no calling him Robert.
Great Grandfather was Robert. First son was Robert. 1st sons son was Robert. 2nd sons 1st son was Robert. 3rd sons 1st son was Robert. And so on. They all had their mothers maiden name as their middle name. And then were none as Robert Macdonald Surname. Robert Hay Surname.Robert Fraser Surname. Get the drift?

Underhisi · 01/12/2019 12:07

Ds has the same name as one of my cousin's children and they are a similar age. They are both named after the other side of the family, family members. It's never been an issue.

Giraffecantdanse · 01/12/2019 12:08

My cousin did the same. My Dd was quite pleased to have a little cousin with the same name. We call them little dd and big dd and get a photo of them together for the calendar each year.
My husband's cousins - brother and sister-- gave their ds's the same name... Same as the ds of a third cousin. That I found wierd. But they don't seem to care.

BikeRunSki · 01/12/2019 12:11

I’ve got 3 sets of cousins called Joe and Chris. 2 sets first cousins, and one set of second Cousins, but all similar ages and lived nearby. Admittedly 2 of the Joes had different longer names. The mutual grandparents/uncles etc just referred to them as “Peter’s Joe” etc. No one was offended or confused (much!).

Jenasaurus · 01/12/2019 12:12

My cousin named her son the same first and middle name as my DS, there is 5 years between them but we only meet up at funerals and weddings so not really an issue

Besidesthepoint · 01/12/2019 12:14

Did you ask her if you could use the name for your child? If not, then she doesn't owe you anything too. She might have wanted to use that name all her life for all you know and you might have been the one thst "stole" it.

saraclara · 01/12/2019 12:16

First cousins would be a bit odd. But second cousins? Nope, wouldn't worry me.

TheKitchenWitch · 01/12/2019 12:21

How can this be a problem? Just how? It's a name. Particularly if it's a common name then your DD must come across people with the same one all the time. And if it's not common then obviously the cousin just really liked it. Either way, it's really really really not a problem or wrong or weird at all.

Chloemol · 01/12/2019 12:22

Just leave it. She’s entitled to call her child what she wants, don’t start something that may lead to arguments you cant recover from

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2019 12:22

We call them little dd and big dd

My husbands family has this, and we had big Fiona and little Fiona (for example) . There was about five years between them, so when they were mature women the age difference was not apparent. But the names stuck as a way to identify them.

Unfortunately big Fiona was indeed big, and she was referred to as big Fiona to her face, as in big Fiona's here, or this is big Fiona.

The first time I met her I was slightly taken aback but said nothing, because when you meet an obese woman and are told this is big Fiona, you're a bit non plussed that people would be so insensitive.

I'd be a bit careful about referring to anyone as big or little as it sticks and if others don't know why they are called big or little and they have weight issues it can be problematic.

No one wants to be the chubby teen called big Mary.