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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My cousin is naming her DD the same name as my DDs

285 replies

hedgehug · 01/12/2019 11:01

My cousin has accounced the name she has chosen for her daughter who was born earlier thid week. This name is exactly the same as my daughter's only different spelling, one letter difference, same pronunciation. It's not a very popular name but not unusual either. I just find it really odd that she would use the same name, no one in our family shares a name, we all have very different names and I think it will be really confusing. We spend a lot of time together as a family, our children spend a lot of time together, I'm just really confused as to why she would pick the same name. WIBU to talk to her about it?

OP posts:
RogGestYeGerryMentlemen · 01/12/2019 11:27

I really wouldn't like this, it would be highly unusual in my family.

Not so DH's, they recycle names like nobody's business, and were quite offended that none of our DC were given "family' names, a practice I personally don't care for

selfhelpneeded · 01/12/2019 11:28

The children aren't even first cousins and there's 11 year age gap. Of course you shouldn't speak to her about it, you'll look batshit.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/12/2019 11:32

I would think it odd but it's done and dusted now. She obviously loves the name and has chosen it despite the connection. Two if my best friends have boys with the same name. The second one really wrestled with the decision but they loved the name so went with it anyway. It's actually fine and not confusing. The first friend did not mind.

CardsforKittens · 01/12/2019 11:33

My SIL gave my niece the same name as my daughter. But my daughter is named after one Mary and her daughter is named after a different Mary (it’s not Mary but another name which is popular in all our extended families).

KurriKurri · 01/12/2019 11:33

My mother's cousing called her son the same name as my Mum used for my brother. She asked Mum if she minded, but Mum saw it as a compliment and also no one owns a name.

Since your DD is 11, cousins child will probably end up always being refered to as 'little Mary' (I had this as a child and it is very irritating).
I'd just let her crack on though - the age difference means the chidren aren't likely to be playing together very much.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 01/12/2019 11:33

Take it as a compliment to you and your daughter!

x2boys · 01/12/2019 11:34

And my sister gave her son the first name as one of our cousins as she liked the name ,I suppose it the children were in frequent contact it might be an issue ,but I wouldn't know my second cousins if I fell over them ,I don't think I have ever met them.

Madhatterhouse · 01/12/2019 11:34

Agree with @Gingernaut this is very common in Irish families - it’s not particularly confusing, you just get used to it.

Winterdaysarehere · 01/12/2019 11:34

Well she looks like the one with zero imagination doesn't she?

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 01/12/2019 11:34

KurriKurri - I'm not your mother, honest!

CruCru · 01/12/2019 11:34

It’s something that I wouldn’t choose to do. However, realistically second cousins aren’t going to know each other very well once they’re grown up, particularly if they have a big age age.

Don’t mention it. They’ve named their child - they aren’t going to change it.

Afolnerd · 01/12/2019 11:35

If you are fairly close it’s a bit odd.
My ds has the same name as one of his great uncles grandchildren. It’s spelt slightly differently, ours is spelt the usual way. Apparently child’s mum had a right strop about it. We have never met this child nor are likely to, plus didn’t even know it was his name until we announced ds name! Oh well.

Bluerussian · 01/12/2019 11:36

I have cousins who have called their children same name. My son's name is same as two cousins! Makes no odds.

Yours and your cousin's daughter may have different nicknames as they grow up.

Don't worry about it, shows you all have good taste.

Redrosesandsunsets · 01/12/2019 11:36

Just thinking around names, if it’s something like Piper and Pyper (a more unusual name) it could be just that your cousin has liked the name since she was a youth/young kid too. Imagine 11 years ago you named your daughter Piper and she thinks I always liked that name (spelt differently) but puts it aside herself as she wasn’t having kids or ready to think about it back then. 11 years later her own little girl comes along and she thinks yeah I still like that name, so names her daughter Pyper (as she always envisioned it). That’s how it can happen. Don’t take it too seriously OP.

userxx · 01/12/2019 11:37

I've got the same name as my aunty and cousin.

Cleanfreshbedding · 01/12/2019 11:38

I have two aunts (who are siblings) that called their daughters the same name. It’s weird

Original poster
hedgehug · 01/12/2019 11:40

We are quite close and they'll be seeing eachother regularly, with the age difference they might not be really close but they'll certainly know eachother

OP posts:
GertiMJN · 01/12/2019 11:41

When I was choosing dd's name one of my criteria was a name that I had bo direct associations with, so in your cousin's shoes I would not have chosen the same name.

However, I honestly can't see why her choice impacts on you or your dd who is 11 years older Hmm

Why is it a negative for you or your dd?

johnlennonsglasses · 01/12/2019 11:42

It wouldn't bother me. Irish catholic here... we have multiples of Kevin, Peter, Gerard, Mary, Kathleen, etc. I have about 4 cousins named Brigid lol.

crumpet · 01/12/2019 11:43

Yes you’d be unreasonable to speak to her about it.

koshkat · 01/12/2019 11:46

Seriously how on earth is this a problem?

IdleBet · 01/12/2019 11:49

If it was say Sophie and Sophia, I would say they are different names. So depends really.

whyamidoingthis · 01/12/2019 11:50

I understand that in some families it's normal for people to have the same name but it's never been a thing in ours

Maybe it's a thing in your cousin's partners family?

Like the other Irish posters, loads of my cousins are called the same thing. Interestingly, it's only the boys. All the girls have different names, although mine is the same as an aunt and my grandmother, and one of the female cousins is the same as another aunt.

There are 20 cousins, 13 of them boys. Two share name A (one uses the Irish version, the other the English and there is also an uncle with the English version), 3 share name B (2 use the Irish version, one the English version and grandfather and one uncle had the Irish version too), 3 share name C (one uses an abbreviation, the other two the full name and one uncle also has the abbreviated name).

We all regularly visited my grandparents so there would have been multiple children with the same name there at the same time. It was grand. They were just referred to as Kathleen's Martin, for example (not any of the actual names)

You need to let it go. It's a cousin, not a sibling. It's really not worth getting used about it.

bubblesforlife · 01/12/2019 11:50

Take it as a compliment OP.
People select names based on someone they met and really admired. She clearly thinks very highly of your DD.

Michelleoftheresistance · 01/12/2019 11:50

Talking to her about it means really you want to ask her to choose a different name, and that's not likely to work out well. She isn't likely to say yes, and you are likely to end up having a row. You'll just have 'big x' and 'little x'. Won't be a problem. Your dd obviously just has a really lovely name.