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AIBU?

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Original poster

My cousin is naming her DD the same name as my DDs

285 replies

hedgehug · 01/12/2019 11:01

My cousin has accounced the name she has chosen for her daughter who was born earlier thid week. This name is exactly the same as my daughter's only different spelling, one letter difference, same pronunciation. It's not a very popular name but not unusual either. I just find it really odd that she would use the same name, no one in our family shares a name, we all have very different names and I think it will be really confusing. We spend a lot of time together as a family, our children spend a lot of time together, I'm just really confused as to why she would pick the same name. WIBU to talk to her about it?

OP posts:
FirstTicket · 03/12/2019 10:30

So I think it totally depends on what OP’s baby name is as to how strange of a thing it is to do

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 03/12/2019 11:16

As I replied to the OP originally, FirstTicket, if I were you, I would take it as a huge compliment to your good taste and how well you have brought up your son, that your cousin is so impressed they want to name their son after yours! If I were you, I'd be flattered, but then I'm another who comes from the tradition of the children being named after the relevant grandparent, so in a large family, there will be lots of children of around the same age with the same name. Nobody has identity crises about it, they just use different nicknames!

Thinkingabout1t · 03/12/2019 11:37

Several of my (many) relatives have the same name. People are routinely identified by a parent’s or a spouse’s name, depending on who we knew first. Lizzie’s daughter Christine is “Lizzie’s Christine”, but her husband is “Christine’s Mike” because we met him through her. No problem with recurring names.

thecatsthecats · 03/12/2019 11:46

FirstTicket

No offence, but I have better things to worry about than a small peculiarity in two related people's names, if that banal conversation were ever to occur.

It's hugely personal to you, but to everyone else in the entire world, it doesn't even figure.

TankGirl97 · 03/12/2019 11:47

I have two nieces with the same name and a third niece has a variant of the same name (think Caroline, Caroline and Carol). Not a family name, they just all happened to like it! No one really cares, certainly never caused arguments.

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 11:49

@FirstTicket - how come it was ok for you to use someone else's name (as you said you did), but not ok for your cousin to do so? Surely it was disrespectful of you to use the name you used too?

Ijustwanttoretire · 03/12/2019 11:52

OK, just say loudly at the next get together 'isn't it wonderful how they decided to name their precious DD after OUR DD?'

GertiMJN · 03/12/2019 11:53

I find it really disrespectful
This is baffling to me FirstTicket

Cousin 1 "His name is Forrest"
Cousin 2 "What a shit name WTF did you name him that???" That would be disrespectful in my book.

Using the same name may not be what I or you would choose to do, but I can not see it as being detrimental or insulting to the one born first.

Mummytea24 · 03/12/2019 12:02

So

FirstTicket · 03/12/2019 14:28

whyamidoingthis Sorry, it was the name of the person who raised me (as I had a tough childhood) and they have now passed away so the baby was named in their honour

But they are of no relation to my cousin

It would be like, for example naming your DD Krystal after your adopted mother, in a family full of Laura’s and Sarah’s. That person passing away, then your cousin from your bio family of no connection liking it on your baby and then using it even with the same unusual spelling

That’s the best example I can think of

FirstTicket · 03/12/2019 14:30

GertiMJN It’s the parent naming the child I find it disrespectful to, depending on the circumstances

Like I said I wouldn’t name my child something my friend or relative had recently used. Nor would I use a name someone had told me they’ve loved for years, just out of respect for that person

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 14:38

@FirstTicket - unless the person you named your baby after was the only person in the entire world to have that name, there is no reason to assume your cousin named their baby after your person.

It would be like, for example naming your DD Krystal after your adopted mother, - that would never happen. No matter how much I wanted to honour someone, Krystal, Crystal or any variant would not get a look in Grin. I'm old enough to remember Dynasty and the raft of Crystals.

in a family full of Laura’s and Sarah’s. This bit is irrelevant. My dc have very different names to those in both my and dh's family. One of my aunts used very different names also.

I suspect your reaction has more to do with your tough childhood than the naming issue.

SVRT19674 · 03/12/2019 14:38

I don't see the problem. You don't own the copyright. Yours was first anyway. In my family we are 4 Susan/Susana, 3 Antonio, 6 Javier (My brother, my father, my grandfather, two cousins and an great uncle), 2 Angeles and 1 Angela, 2 Juana)and the list goes on. So with these precedents I don't see what the fuss is.

FirstTicket · 03/12/2019 14:42

No matter how much I wanted to honour someone, Krystal, Crystal or any variant would not get a look in - I was trying to think of an odd, awkwardly spelled name but I completely agree! This has me giggling Grin

i suspect your reaction has more to do with your tough childhood than the naming issue - I think you’re probably onto something there

GertiMJN · 03/12/2019 14:46

I know that's you are saying, FirstTicket but you still haven't explained what is disrespectful about using the same name.

For example, if someone had lost a child named X and a cousin subsequently used the name X without checking, I can see the lack of respect. It could be very painful for the bereaved parents.

But I can't see any potential hurt in this instance, or in yours, so can't see a lack of respect.

Certainly nothing that justifies cutting someone out of your life!

VenusClapTrap · 03/12/2019 15:09

I get it, @FirstTicket

SlightlyBonkersQFA · 03/12/2019 19:15

I think it is disrespectful. I would bother cutting the cousin/in law out of my life but they have shown that they dont care what you think. We all care what other people think. Some people. They dont care what OP thinks though. Or they are completely stupid wrt how shameless their total lack of imagination and copying looks

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 19:19

@ SlightlyBonkersQFA - Or they are completely stupid wrt how shameless their total lack of imagination and copying looks

Have you missed all the posts from people who either would have no problem with it or would see it as a compliment? Your opinion is not universal.

SlightlyBonkersQFA · 03/12/2019 19:26

Convenient to be unable to comprehend how copying something so personal and close to a relative's heart as their child's name could cause frustration, confusion and disappointment.

My opinion is common enough that any relative/friend who wants to avoid looking like a brsindead copycat should ask

Most people dont want to cause unnecessary upset.

There are always a surprising number of people with no empathy at all. "Your baby you choose hun x"

PinkPomeranian · 03/12/2019 19:35

I've gone to some trouble to find uncommon names for my children, having hated my own very common name at school, I'd be very upset if they were chosen by a close friend or relative. I don't think I'd feel able to share my feelings, though.

Incidentally, my MIL gave her first child the same name as her brother's second child - they were born 5 months apart and the only other child in the family was the oplosite sex, so two of her mum's three grandchildren had the same name. I find this totally bizarre, but MIL said they just liked the name.

SlightlyBonkersQFA · 03/12/2019 19:42

That is direspectful to the first mother. And there is nothing she/they can do. Also very thoughtless making a grandparent have 2 gc with same name!!

GertiMJN · 03/12/2019 19:57

There are always a surprising number of people with no empathy at all

An alternative statement could be used as a counter argument:

There are a surprising number of people who see themselves, their choices and their children as being so supremely unique that their feelings trump all others
.

GertiMJN · 03/12/2019 19:58

There is just as little empathy being shown by those who react by disowning a family member for their choice of name!

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 19:59

Convenient to be unable to comprehend how copying something so personal and close to a relative's heart as their child's name could cause frustration, confusion and disappointment.

Convenient to be unable to comprehend that not everyone gives a rat's arse about something like this and would consider anyone who got upset at it to be a bit neurotic and therefore wouldn't think to ask.

My opinion is common enough that any relative/friend who wants to avoid looking like a brsindead copycat should ask

Not where I live. Anyone who asked that would be looked at with bemusement.

There are always a surprising number of people with no empathy at all. "Your baby you choose hun x"

There are always a surprising number of people with no empathy at all. "I used the name first and even though you love it, you can't use it".

I have a load of cousins with the same name. Nobody took offence. I very much doubt anyone asked anyone else if it was OK to use the same name.

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 20:01

There is just as little empathy being shown by those who react by disowning a family member for their choice of name!

In fairness, that poster has admitted that it was about a lot more than the name.

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