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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My cousin is naming her DD the same name as my DDs

285 replies

hedgehug · 01/12/2019 11:01

My cousin has accounced the name she has chosen for her daughter who was born earlier thid week. This name is exactly the same as my daughter's only different spelling, one letter difference, same pronunciation. It's not a very popular name but not unusual either. I just find it really odd that she would use the same name, no one in our family shares a name, we all have very different names and I think it will be really confusing. We spend a lot of time together as a family, our children spend a lot of time together, I'm just really confused as to why she would pick the same name. WIBU to talk to her about it?

OP posts:
Lucked · 01/12/2019 14:05

So they are second cousins? I think this is completely acceptable.

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2019 14:05

It'll be hard to confuse them when talking to them but I was thinking when they're in the same room it might be confusing.

Yeah but only for a nanosecond until they realise which one is being spoken to.

This is so not a big deal imo. Then again, maybe that's because people have done this for generations.

category12 · 01/12/2019 14:06

I don't think so. The way you interact with a baby/toddler vs a pre-teen doesn't lend itself to confusion.

Glitterblue · 01/12/2019 14:09

My grandma and her brother both gave their sons the same name, and my grandma's son has her maiden name as a middle name, so his first and middle names are identical to his cousin's first and surname. Sounds confusing now I see it written, but it's like the cousin is called, for example, Iain Mcdonald and the son is Iain Mcdonald Smith.

Cora1942 · 01/12/2019 14:12

Confusing when they are in the same room.
My children call me mum, my younger sisters children also call her mum! So annoying, I was fuming when they were born. When we meet as a family it's so confusing Grin joking of course.
You must live a charmed life if this is a worry.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/12/2019 14:13

My parents had to change their chosen name for me because my DF's cousin had chosen it. I've never met this second cousin as there wasn't any contact between our families once I was born so I could have had that name in the end...

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 01/12/2019 14:14

11 years between them and a cousin. I honestly would have have a problem with it.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 01/12/2019 14:15

wouldn't

highheelsandweathercocks · 01/12/2019 14:22

We gave DS2 the same first name as his cousins middle name and ran it past SIL first, who was thrilled (big age gap and they live 100 miles away). We'd have been screwed if she'd said no. We couldn't agree on anything else.

Cousins, with such a big gap, I'd say it's fine.

DaphneFanshaw · 01/12/2019 14:26

Grin Cora.
Op I get that it’s a bit different, but I don’t think It’s a big deal.
She obviously just likes that name and doesn’t see the problem with there being 2 of what ever that name is in the family,
I know you’re close to your cousin, but in a few years time your dd will be a lot more independent and spending more time with her friends than your family, so it’s unlikely they’ll spend That much time together.

recycledbottle · 01/12/2019 14:51

Wouldn't bother me. Especially with a large age gap. It's not like they will be confused. Also different spelling so not exactly the same name

carly2803 · 01/12/2019 14:54

Bit weird...!

I would never name my child the same as their cousin. even if i loved the name!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 01/12/2019 14:58

It could be worse, in DH's culture there are only 26 male names, plus they use their father's first name as a last name, so the same 26 last names too. There is also a family name but that is traditionally a middle name for boys and the girls don't use it at all, and anyway it's more of an address of the family's farm than an actual name (eg DH's family name means 'Kala from the southern fields') The younger generations are moving away from the tradition slightly, especially if they don't live in Kerala but it's still massively confusing for an outsider like me. Grin

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Thomas_Christian_names

Pukkatea · 01/12/2019 15:03

My DF and his brother both named their sons the same name. It might have seemed weird at the time but eventually it wasn't confusing or strange, it was just the same as having two people in your school class with the same name.

1forAll74 · 01/12/2019 15:05

There isn't much point in saying anything about the same name thing, It has been chosen, because the person likes the name,and surely nobody would copy a name for any other reason.

SwedishEdith · 01/12/2019 15:21

The cousin probably started a thread here 11 years ago saying "I'm so pissed off, my cousin has used the name I've loved all my life".

category12 · 01/12/2019 15:22

GrinGrin SwedishEdith

trinity0097 · 01/12/2019 15:33

My cousin married someone with the same name as me, should I have refused to go to their wedding?!

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/12/2019 15:55

Especially for you @trinity0097 www.google.com/amp/s/slate.com/human-interest/2019/10/sister-in-law-same-name-as-me-dear-prudence-advice.amp

dottiedodah · 01/12/2019 16:00

I was named after my Dads Cousin ,and also called my little girl after another Cousin too.Fairly big age gaps too ,I could understand if they were similar ages but 11 years seems to me a non issue TBH!I wouldnt bring it up at all if it were me .She is unlikely to want to change it ,and being a new Mum and all you may upset her .My Friend picked the same name for her Son as mine ,and he was only about 4 at that time! Said nothing and my DS really chuffed babe had the same name as him!

anothermansmother · 01/12/2019 16:01

My daughter and cousins daughter have the same name and spelling. My daughter is 9 and cousins daughter is9 months.
I know other cousins have wanted to use the name but have all had boys. My daughter get the full name and they use a shortened nickname. It doesn't bother me. We spend lots of together as a family and my daughter loves the fact she has a name twin.

ILoveAnAgathaChristieMurder · 01/12/2019 20:00

My grandad dad and cousin all have same name bar 1 being spelt differently. My son and cousin have exact same name and nickname. It's never been an issue usually at family events there's a standing joke about all the alans looking around at their name being called, we laugh we move on. They are completely different people so no confusion and we don't see each other often. People like names it's nothing to do with you what they are called

MandeLular · 01/12/2019 20:25

I'd be annoyed too. Not if they mentioned it before in a "hey so we've always liked the name Hannah/Isobel/Anne/Gemma so if we have a girl she's going to be Hanna/Isabel/Ann/Jemma, we've both got good taste" type way, but in this circumstance I would be.

BikeRunSki · 01/12/2019 22:01

I have a colleague whose family call all the boys the same name, then they use different abbreviations, nicknames, middle names, “Young” Fred, “Old Fred” etc.

Mjlp · 02/12/2019 09:33

As others have said, to me it's normal. I come from a family where lots of people have the same names. Many called Mary, Albert, Margaret, Charlie, George, Isabella. It wouldn't bother me at all. You can't own a name.