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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My cousin is naming her DD the same name as my DDs

285 replies

hedgehug · 01/12/2019 11:01

My cousin has accounced the name she has chosen for her daughter who was born earlier thid week. This name is exactly the same as my daughter's only different spelling, one letter difference, same pronunciation. It's not a very popular name but not unusual either. I just find it really odd that she would use the same name, no one in our family shares a name, we all have very different names and I think it will be really confusing. We spend a lot of time together as a family, our children spend a lot of time together, I'm just really confused as to why she would pick the same name. WIBU to talk to her about it?

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 02/12/2019 20:42

@hedgehug These threads always divide opinion, but I think YABU. You don't own a name. If I wanted a particular name for my new DD, and someone said 'you can't use that as your cousin's DD has the same name,' I would tell them I'll call my baby whatever I want to, and no-one has any right to say otherwise.

Never get this argument. As a few posters have said, I have several Davids, Pauls, Peters, Andrews, Johns, Lindas, Marys, Helens, and Traceys, in my family. And every family I knew growing up had men (and women) with 2 or 3 with the same name, who were cousins, second cousins, nephews, uncles, nieces, and aunties.

It's batshit to tell someone they can't use a certain name.

slipperywhensparticus · 02/12/2019 20:49

My husbands step brother named his child the opposite of ours so for example ours was Thomas john his was john thomas it was irritating because even though they live in a different country nanny (my sons bio nan) kept mixing the names up and asked us what our son liked and bought there son the gift he got a voucher 🤷‍♀️ our son was named after great grandparents his was named after our son Crown Hmm

sunshine11 · 02/12/2019 21:11

Rather than think it odd, why not be flattered? Your child is 11 so it’s not like they’ll be playing together and get confused about who is who!

Cindas · 02/12/2019 21:13

My stepdaughter has a half sister and half brother (one with each parent) with the female and male versions of the same name. One letter different. As the mum of the younger half-sibling I do sometimes wonder why it didn’t occur to us that would be a bit strange for her, but he’s 17 now, so it’s a bit late to change it.

Tiaptia85 · 02/12/2019 21:18

It will simply be senior and junior Samantha (random name pick ;)

lboogy · 02/12/2019 21:38

Can't see the big deal tbh. I'd be flattered if anything

Emmak789 · 02/12/2019 22:53

That would drive me up the wall. Really insensitive of your cousin, she is probably a bit jealous of you. Might be time to create a bit of distance?

GertiMJN · 02/12/2019 22:58

she is probably a bit jealous of you. Might be time to create a bit of distance?

What a bizarre conclusion to draw.

mum11970 · 02/12/2019 23:11

Two of my cousins have children with the same name, both are grown now but it’s never been an issue at all. Can’t see what the problem is. My husband and brother happen to have the same name, we just clarify which person someone is talking about if there is any confusion but it rarely happens and is hardly the end of the world.

Celestine70 · 02/12/2019 23:13

My brother and I both have daughters with the same name. My daughter is 11 his daughter is 1. He asked permission to use the same name as he had always wanted it. And no I didn't know he had always wanted it when I named my daughter.

Thestrangestthing · 02/12/2019 23:16

I don't know why people find this weird loads of my family and dps family have the same names Confused

Original poster
hedgehug · 02/12/2019 23:26

I think I was just taken by surprise at first but having met her little one I'm getting used to the idea. She explained that she really loved the name and so did her DH, they could find another name they both loved as much. I still find it a little odd but I can understand and it will probably seem normal after a while

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 02/12/2019 23:32

If I was close to my cousin and saw them a lot I'd be very annoyed , however if I saw this cousin at weddings and funerals only then it wouldn't bother me.
They must genuinely love the name and it would be hard not to have their first choice because a cousin has already nabbed it. However I have the same name as my husband's sister and it is annoying at family get togethers as when someone calls out runnerduck we both reply !

GoKartMozart · 03/12/2019 00:00

I have the same name as my cousin with a slightly different spelling. Cousin is four years older.
My parents made no secret of the name they had chosen, but 18 years of marriage, one still birth and then nothing made them think it wouldn't happen.
I suspect my mum was devastated when cousin came along and was given the name she had chosen. Anyway, along I came and then followed the fall out.

My birth literally split the family. My lovely Nana was barred from seeing my cousin and my dad's sister never spoke to any of us again. All because of my name (and it's very common!)

Ironically cousin and I became friends when we grew older, they called us big name and little name.

From my perspective having watched family events, funerals etc with a whole side missing, it's not worth arguing over.

Tabsvik79 · 03/12/2019 00:01

Maybe she likes your DD so much she thought she would name her child after yours.

snippan · 03/12/2019 00:36

My cousin and I have the same names (first and middle). Difference is I'm called by my first name and she's called by her middle. But when we were younger we loved calling each other by both names so we were the same. I have named my daughter the same as a different cousin's daughter, and she and her daughter were chuffed to bits. Mind you, it was a slightly different scenario from yours in that there's an even bigger age gap and it was a family name. I'd take it as a compliment.

Fowles94 · 03/12/2019 03:45

@Emmak789 is that a joke reply?
Surely no normal functioning adult thinks like that.

raspberrymolakoff · 03/12/2019 04:02

Perhaps it was meant as a compliment? As your daughter is 11 years older? I was named after my first cousin who is 18 years older than me. For many years we were "big raspberry" and "little raspberry" though I she is teeny and I overtook her by age 12! It never caused a problem in the family. She remembers being excited that I was named after her.

isabellerossignol · 03/12/2019 04:23

One of my children has the same name as a cousin's child. It never even crossed my mind, I had totally forgotten about my cousin having a son with that name. But I have a big family and have no idea how many children some of my cousins have, much less what they are called.

FirstTicket · 03/12/2019 07:13

My cousin named their DS the exact same name as my DS, same spelling, etc. My DS was 2 years old and it is as unusual as let’s say... Phoenix (so not common!)

I removed them from all social media and I’ll never speak to them again. I would literally ignore them in the street I’m that annoyed. The name was deeply personal to me (family member that raised me that isn’t related to them) and they were well aware of that

Hope it was worth it

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 03/12/2019 08:26

FirstTicket - am hoping presuming this is a joke?

Kanga83 · 03/12/2019 08:32

Make your DD has her name as it is and cousin becomes a nickname or little X every time you see her. So say Sally, she is Sal or little Sally.

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 08:59

FirstTicket - but you also used someone else's name for your child. Why is it OK for you but not ok for your cousin?

GrannyBags · 03/12/2019 09:06

A close friend (far closer than my cousins are to me) was upset when DS was born as she was 8 months pregnant and we chose the name she had also picked. I said it just showed what good taste she had! Our sons are friends - ours uses the full name, hers a shortened version. DS has 3 older siblings who are all married - two of them now have brothers in law with the same name as him!

FirstTicket · 03/12/2019 10:29

Not a joke no, I find it really disrespectful

There’s a difference between having two (for example) Steven’s in the family compared to having two (for example) Woodrow’s

It’s a really odd thing to do

When naming my DD I chose a name for her, but my friend gave birth first and used that name. So I changed DD’s name. It wouldn’t be bad with say Sophie/Emma/Ellie/etc but I think it totally depends on the name

Imagine talking to two cousins.. “oh what’s his name?”

Cousin 1: “It’s Forrest”
Cousin 2: “It’s Forrest”
Person: “Oh a family name?”
Cousin 1: “Yes”
Cousin 2: “No” Confused

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