To think you wouldn't be this irresponsible?

[Jinglebells10]

AIBU to be fuming that a 3 month old baby was left unattended in a room on his own sleeping in a car seat with no monitor? This baby was being babysat by his aunt

Complete overreaction. I have 4 young children. I've never owned a monitor of amy description. My house is fairly big, but I was still able to hear a crying baby from anywhere in the house. Sometimes I left my children asleep in their car seat while I pottered around doing jobs.

Huge overreaction from you and your sister. But I suppose the good thing about all this is the other aunt won't be asked to babysit anymore so won't have to put up with all your disapproval and overreaction.

Win-win for everyone involved.

I think you all sound very precious.

Either way, as an aunt, I think you're a bit over-invested in what happened

Ah, but she's an aunt from the other side (the mother's side) so that makes her immediately superior to the "in-laws". You can never have too many women (it always seems to be the women) in your family horrified at the carry on of the in law women

YANBU actually. Except about car seat on the sofa and the sleepyhead.

It’s boggling the risks people take with their own children and with others. But people are lazy and get angry when you point it out so this thread was doomed from the start.

@vulpine between me having my first and second the guidelines changed.

My midwife told me she gets extremely angry every time she sees a baby in a car seat attached to a pram. As obviously the baby has been in the car seat travelling and then is still in it while the parent goes shopping, and then back in the car.
It could be hours!

But..like I asked the OP the question which she ignored 'if her children are older then I'm guessing she doesn't know the new guidelines??'

It's up to the parents to tell the babysitter how often the baby should have a bottle, how the baby should sleep etc etc..

I remember my grandmother visiting once and telling me that my newborn was hungry and to mush a rusk into his bottle to fill him up!!
I told her that she was basically crazy for saying that and she thought I was crazy for not doing it!!
It's wasn't her fault she didn't know the new guidelines!

Guidelines change constantly. The parents are at fault, if not giving specific rules to follow.

And OP you are just batshit.

My midwife told me she gets extremely angry every time she sees a baby in a car seat attached to a pram. As obviously the baby has been in the car seat travelling and then is still in it while the parent goes shopping, and then back in the car.
It could be hours!

Glad I’m not alone

It’s boggling the risks people take with their own children and with others

As a parent we are constantly doing risk analysis. Constantly. But I think some people go over the top. I have left my children sleeping in the car when their carseats were no longer portable!!! Rurally. Outside my very large sitting room window where I could see and hear them same as if they were in the next room to me.

What one parent sees as a negligent risk another parent sees as a weighed up risk.

Bringing your child out in a car is a risk when you look at the number of fatalities on the road every year.
Bringing your child into a bank or post office is a risk when you think about the liklihood of robbery.

People have to live their lives and babies and small children have to fit around that. I didn't sit looking at my children every time they were asleep (much!). Sometimes they slept in carseats. Often they slept in bouncers. Sometimes I wasn't is the same room. Sometimes I had a shower!!

If somebody pointed out all the "risks" I took with my children I would roll my eyes and agree I was a terrible parent.

I'm not handing my 6 month old peanuts, and allowing my 2 year old to run around the house with kitchen scissors.

Having a baby these days is terrifying. Babysitting someone else's, even more so. Every little thing is going to kill them, apparently.

And yes, this is just another in-laws thing.

That midwife sounds like a total bitch. Yes the baby might have been in the car seat for hours, or maybe not for long at all. It’s a 5 minute drive to my local shops. I could drive there go shopping and be back home within half an hour.

You sound judgy crispysausagerolls. If you had babies that would sleep on their own on a flat surface from birth I’m pleased for you but for a lot of families that isn’t the reality, and it’s a choice between co-sleeping, sleepyhead, or just sitting up all night holding the baby and a) risking falling asleep holding them and b) caring for them on literally zero sleep and I think a lot of people see the last option as the most risky.

Some babies will not sleep on their own on their backs In accordance with the guidance. They just won’t.

If the aunt's child is school age, she probably had no idea this is advised against or would even be a risky thing to do. You are overreacting - while she did take a risk, she didn't do so deliberately or maliciously.

She just needs pointing out politely/firmly that this is not an OK thing to do due to newer evidence that she probably isn't aware of.

It's not irresponsible if you don't know that it's risky.

I am judgy! I am very, very judgy! But I am a hypocrite because I also cosleep (I DO have a baby who won’t sleep in anything or on anything except for with me - and I mitigated the risks by putting cot sides in my bed, removing all blankets and pillows and following the other “safe sleep seven” recommended by la Leche league including breastfeeding to make the risk the same as sleeping in a Moses basket) - but, for example, you can buy the car seat we have which reclines flat out of the car if your baby sleeps in the car seat etc. I don’t see what putting a car seat in a buggy for hours at a time has to do with that.

Fair enough crispy. Perhaps I misunderstood your comment about taking risks and lazy parenting and who was in the firing line for it.

I agree leaving car seats on buggies “for hours at a time” shouldn’t happen but we aren’t talking about that here.

And I hope you get some sleep soon!

I've left my 5mo asleep in a car seat in the next room at a party ( all people I know) and popped in every now and then.

What's the problem?

If you are worried about SIDS then being in the car in the seat is the same risk surely unless you are sitting in the back constantly monitoring breathing/ colour of child. If you are driving, even with a mirror in the back you won't be able to monitor closely/ hear breathing over engine noise.

The aunt won't have a cot or monitor if her own child is school age. Don't ask her to babysit again if her standards aren't high enough.

This risk averse society is getting ridiculous. I would be hesitant to offer to babysit someone else's child when I hear threads like this.

I had a buggy that the car seat clipped in to, and then the buggy part itself was for a slightly older child. It wasn't really secure, suitable for a tiny newborn. (it was all we could afford at the time). I would walk to the shops with my baby in the car seat in the buggy, as it was the most comfortable option. In the shops he would be taken out to be fed, or changed, or for a little cuddle while I had a cup of tea. He was never any longer in the car seat in the buggy than he would have been in the car seat on a drive to my parents house 2 hours away (with no traffic!)

You've got to love judgey people who assume lots just on a 2 second glance 😊

It’s amazing how many people on MN don’t seem to have got safety messages such as not leaving babies to sleep alone (SIDS) or time not leave them unattended in car seats even attended you need to be careful. Read this about Harper Clark

[]www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/6006249/mum-warns-parents-baby-stopped-breathing-two-hour-journey-car-seat/amp/ HARPER]]

Why are these messages not getting through to people??

People saying they used to do xyz - that’s great that you were lucky, lots of parents were not & that’s why guidelines have changed- not for the fun of it.

Harper.

Sleepy heads aren't safe either OP.

@mlou32

Doesn't a baby sleep in its cot in its bedroom unattended for most of the night?

They shouldn’t be. No. Read the SIDS guidelines. If you have had a baby in the past decade you should be well aware of that, if you haven’t I can understand you not be up with the safety guidelines re SIDS.

I know each generation brings up new standard of good practice when it comes to bringing up children but this is really getting utterly ridiculous.

I am godsmacked that you are now not supposed to live a 3 months old alone at any time. No surprise there is an increase in mother suffering from pnd, and father's who are overwhelmed by the expectation to work long hours whilst also doing a lot of the care giving because it's too much for mum.

It's ironic how by implementing tougher recommendations, we end doing more harm than good by putting more and more pressure on parents and taking away any common sense from them, and a sense that they are still independent human beings rather than just slave to their kids.

I am godsmacked that you are now not supposed to live a 3 months old alone at any time.

You are not supposed to leave a 3 month old baby unattended in a car seat, out of sight and hearing. They can slump forward in the seat and suffocate. That is the issue here.
3 month old in a Moses basket or cot, in its back and not overheating is fine.

@Quaffy we should be talking about anything relating to the subject..

Some parents might not know that you shouldn't keep a baby in a car seat for a certain amount of time.

It's just educating..us as parents are overwhelmed (especially first time around!) with information, 'Do this' 'don't do this'..

A new parent could of read that snippet of information and now not keep their baby in a car seat while they are shopping for a long period of time..Surely that's a positive?

I know from being on here, I learn things all the time I didn't know.

For example I didn't know that sleepyheads were deemed to be so dangerous! I bought one for DS2 and he absolutely loved it, and wouldn't sleep without being in it. And that was only two years ago!

I agree with @TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre - we are all doing risk analysis constantly. Reading the SIDS guidance, it’s very difficult to follow all of it to the letter every time and actually continue with life - by 5.5 months very few babies would still fit in a Moses basket for example, but you should be in the room with them whenever they are sleeping- so do you sit in the room of their cot all the time they sleep? What if they have an older sibling, do you keep them there too? What if they need the toilet, do you let your older child wet themselves so that you don’t leave the baby unattended?

You could argue that as car seats aren’t as safe as a cot to sleep in that you should never put a baby in one, and make no car journeys whatsoever.

We all face risks every day, but that has to be balanced with practicality. And while SIDS is of course a tragedy, I think it’s always worth to remember it is a very small risk (0.3% a year).

Instead of having an argument over it all just provide a travel cot/ pram/ Moses basket next time or any other safe sleeping space and say baby needs to sleep in there rather than the car seat and explain the risks without attacking her. I totally understand moving the baby away from another child pestering the baby. It would have been annoying to return to a baby that hadn't slept and been prodded and poked by an older child.
Obviously the sleeping in the car seat situation is dangerous due to the risk of suffocation but I really think you should talk to her and give her the benefit of the doubt- car seat rules are constantly changing so may have changed a lot since her child was a baby. She doesn't sound like she was doing any of this maliciously.

Never used monitor, would have put children in different if sleeping. I must have been very irresponsible! I have 4.

Room*