Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you wouldn't be this irresponsible?

236 replies

Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:21

AIBU to be fuming that a 3 month old baby was left unattended in a room on his own sleeping in a car seat with no monitor? This baby was being babysat by his aunt

OP posts:
lljkk · 30/11/2019 23:54

Oh gawd, I fucked up again? I must have done this hundreds of times.
Alone... in car seat... no monitor... elsewhere in house or in pram in the garden or outside on patio....

Long time ago, my eldest 2 are adults now.
They woke up & screamed whenever I tried to move them(!)

There are threads on MN where self-identified perfectionists said they would stay in the car however long it took for their baby to finish sleeping. Many times. How does a modern parent-of-babies get anything done, my mind boggles.

Tigs33 · 01/12/2019 00:00

Some car seats are safe for baby to sleep in out of the car, we have a Joie I level and it has a lie flat position where the seat is almost flat.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 01/12/2019 00:23

I do think you're over reacting especially since you don't actually know how long the baby was left in the car seat.

lilsquish · 01/12/2019 02:24

I think @chestnutsmoothie is bang on with that summary.

Mjlp · 01/12/2019 02:36

YABU.

Whilst it's not recommended to leave a baby asleep in a car seat, because of the risk of asphyxiation, it's also not recommended to put a car seat on a sofa, as you suggested, in case it were to fall off.

You say the parents left a sleepy head for the baby, but that's just a kind of rectangular pillow with a space in the middle for a baby isn't it? Where was the aunt meant to put it? On a sofa or bed would not be safe. On the floor would also not be safe with another child running around. They're designed to be put in cots etc.

The parents really should've supplied a travel cot or moses basket or pram for the baby to sleep in.

The aunt didn't act perfectly, but then you wouldn't have acted perfectly and the parents didn't act perfectly either, so you & the parents ABU to be fuming.

Mjlp · 01/12/2019 02:45

... I wasn't even entirely sure what a sleepy head was, so just looked it up on Google to find that it, along with other sleep positions, nests and pods have been banned by a number of UK retailers! So they're are not safe either!

KittyMarmalade · 01/12/2019 03:02

The only slightly problematic bit about this in my view is the car seat which I don't believe babies are meant to be left to sleep in.
Monitors are a modern day inventions, and often cause more anxiety than they solve. Parents all over the world leave their baby to sleep in a separate room, keeping an ear out for them.
But it's not my baby, and if the parents had specified otherwise, then I suppose it's not ok.
Either way, as an aunt, I think you're a bit over-invested in what happened.

SD1978 · 01/12/2019 03:06

Wouldn't care about any of that except for being in the car seat as that's a risk- but it seems you're wanting to point score against other Aunt. Baby wasn't crying, you di t know how long was in there, and you seem to be wanting to be enraged so you can be the better Aunt which also isn't great.

LucaFritz · 01/12/2019 03:37

Clue with car seats is the word CAR if it isn't in a car then the baby shouldn't be in it Hmm as with most stuff marketed at parents it's a case of just because its sold doesn't mean its actually safe so no they shouldn't be attached to prams or left on beds or sofas.
Things like cot bumpers and sleepyheads and blankets are also not safe and as previous posters have pointed out are banned from some stores in the UK and rightly so also a quick look on the lullaby trust will tell you the risks of all these things but most parents think they know better than professionals on the basis a friend does it or they've used it before and nothing bad has happened Hmm
I'd say rule #1 of becoming a parent would be to do your research and not do something because someone else has and just because something is been marketed as safe and is on sale doesn't make it safe. There's a whole list of things that aren't safe i can think of off the top of my head yet people rave about them and use them and sadly a percentage of children each year die in them or become hurt

Topseyt · 01/12/2019 03:46

What is load of drama and histrionics over nothing.

Cupcakegirl13 · 01/12/2019 04:00

I can’t see there is anything to get worked up about here , a sleeping baby perfectly happy in a house with an adult - shocker !!
Some people will argue it’s against safer sleep guidelines at that age but that’s a very individual thing , I always popped mine somewhere quiet if they were asleep
In the car seat and would always hear them as soon as they woke up .

isabellerossignol · 01/12/2019 04:04

Rather than being fuming I'd be more likely to think that the aunt is unaware of the guidance these days about not leaving babies in car seats. If I didn't spend far too much time on mumsnet I wouldn't have a clue about that since my children are older.

Having said that, those sleepyhead things aren't safe, so being angry at someone for leaving a baby in a car seat instead of a sleepyhead is pretty hypocritical.

SD1978 · 01/12/2019 04:04

Although- did your sister provide anything else for the child to sleep in a part from the car seat- was she expecting the baby to be held at all times to sleep?

Sparklingbrook · 01/12/2019 04:10

We had one of those travel systems way back when so the car seat also clipped to the pushchair. So the baby could be transferred without being woken up. the baby was very much in it while not in the car. 🤷‍♀️

GrumpyHoonMain · 01/12/2019 04:28

Being left for long periods in a car seat after 6 weeks when the baby has developed neck control is not a SIDS risk. I very much doubt he was totally unsupervised - am sure his aunt checked up on him frequently.

squeekums · 01/12/2019 05:56

wow talk about overreaction

Mlou32 · 01/12/2019 06:15

Doesn't a baby sleep in its cot in its bedroom unattended for most of the night? Surely she put the baby somewhere a bit quieter and was checking on him every so often. Not sure what the problem is.

StreetwiseHercules · 01/12/2019 06:21

People just love to create drama where none exists. Dreadful stuff.

Ttcbabybennett · 01/12/2019 06:39

It does confuse me when people post in AIBU, which is a question.. but have clearly made up their mind and only accept responses from people they agree with and tell anyone that disagrees that they've missed the point... just have a rant without the question then!?!

BlackSwan · 01/12/2019 06:41

If you want to be the only person good enough to take care of your baby, you can be. But that's a hell of a lot of work for you.

Newbie1999 · 01/12/2019 07:18

If it was for hours then yes, but you’ve said you don’t know how long it was for? Think this is a bit of an over reaction.

PixieDustt · 01/12/2019 07:18

I think the baby should have been taken out the car seat due to the risks. I don't like leaving DS who is 4 months in the car seat sleeping.

OP, you said your sister has a video monitor but it sounds like the aunt was at her own house so if your sister didn't pack the monitor how is she going to monitor baby?!

Your sister and the other aunt are both to blame, not just the aunt. Your sister needs to be more clear on what she does/doesn't like.

Vulpine · 01/12/2019 07:36

Luca - what about car seats that are also part of a pushchair

emelsie · 01/12/2019 07:47

I'm surprised at the amount of people that think it's ok to leave babies asleep unattended in car seats , maybe a lot are mums of older children who don't know the advice given now.

Yes I wouldn't like it , 3 months is still very young , but then for that very reason I wouldn't ever leave my young baby as maybe it's not fair to expect everyone to know the guidelines around safe sleep etc especially if they do not currently have babies themselves.

Quaffy · 01/12/2019 08:01

since when was the sleepyhead banned in america? It’s on sale as the DockaTot isn’t it?