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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you wouldn't be this irresponsible?

236 replies

Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:21

AIBU to be fuming that a 3 month old baby was left unattended in a room on his own sleeping in a car seat with no monitor? This baby was being babysat by his aunt

OP posts:
Cremebrule · 30/11/2019 22:10

I think you’re overreacting- especially if the car seat was the only thing available for sleeping. The guidance changed between my two children. With my first, it was no longer than 2 hours. With my second, the health visitor explained the research that says breathing could be compromised. I still use the car seat adapter on my buggy but I don’t leave my second to nap in the car seat at home like I did with my first. If your sister didn’t bring a cot etc, I don’t think she can really moan that the baby was napping in it and in a separate room. At 6m they are less likely to sleep in a noisy environment etc.

TruffleShuffles · 30/11/2019 22:10

Is there any point in making a huge deal out of this? Does your sister want to fall out with her in laws? The baby was obviously fine in this instance, surely all your sister and her husband needs to say is thank for having our baby but in future we would prefer if you didn’t leave them in the seat in another room.

Greenwingmemories · 30/11/2019 22:12

But I thought you said he'd only been in the car seat for a few minutes, so why does the two hour rule come into play?

I don't get why you have to be in the same room, after all many people sleep with their children in their own room and it never causes problems.

This sounds like an overreaction but I doubt if the aunt would want to go through this again anyway.

Wildorchidz · 30/11/2019 22:12

At 6m they are less likely to sleep in a noisy environment

This particular baby is 3 months. Not 6 months. So head and neck control still not good. So can slump forward and suffocate.

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 22:12

TBH i dont think the 2 hours matter or an extended period of time. The baby is at a risk of suffocation. You shouldn't leave a baby unattended in a car seat and that is FACT. People can argue with that if they like but its still a fact. They provided his sleepyhead.

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 30/11/2019 22:13

I've done the same when visiting my parents. If the baby was sleeping, I'd leave them and pop them in another room. Of course I'd go check periodically. Oh, and never owned a monitor.

Sounds like you are fanning the flames of drama OP? Have to wonder why.

oknowimscared · 30/11/2019 22:14

You were quick to jump on the “no car seat for longer than two hours” thing. Seemed you were more bothered they wouldn’t hear baby crying before that. (Even though there’s a big difference between “baby crying” and “people opening a door” Hmm)
Stop making a drama when there isn’t one.

Wildorchidz · 30/11/2019 22:14

But I thought you said he'd only been in the car seat for a few minutes,

She didn’t.
She said it was not for just a few minutes.

saoirse31 · 30/11/2019 22:15

Totally overreacting. Speaking as someone who never had a baby monitor.

chachachachachacha · 30/11/2019 22:15

Agree with you op. Sids guidelines are that you don't leave babies to sleep in car seats, especially not unattended.

Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2019 22:15

Did the baby arrive in the car seat? If it did why did the parents not transfer the baby to the sleepyhead (had to Google what that was).

It does seem like a huge drama.

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 22:16

But I thought you said he'd only been in the car seat for a few minutes, so why does the two hour rule come into play?

No i said i was unsure how long he had been in his carseat in a different room

I don't get why you have to be in the same room, after all many people sleep with their children in their own room and it never causes problems.

Same room because it lowers the risk of SIDS. Thats why they advice you sleep in the same room until baby is 6 months old.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 30/11/2019 22:17

You shouldn't leave a baby unattended in a car seat and that is FACT.

And you shouldn't put a baby in a car seat on a sofa. It's a risk. FACT But you do. But apparently everyone should ignore you ignoring the risks and just jump on the other aunt.

You still haven't answered.... did your sister (or her partner) clearly tell the aunt that she did not want the baby leaving unattended in the car seat? As the parents it is THEIR responsibility to make sure any babysitters know which guidance they are using and are clear about that. they have no right to expect the babysitter to be psychic.

ChristinaMarlowe · 30/11/2019 22:17

I would be more concerned about leaving a baby that age to sleep in a car seat despite all the warnings and manufacturers guidance to the contrary. Very irresponsible.
The lack of monitor not so much, if baby wakes and cries out they will be heard - if for any reason the thinkable happens it generally isn't something you can prevent by using a monitor. Car seat YANBU, the rest I personally think YABU, keep baby in sight and safe on their back as per guidance, a monitor makes no difference and 9/10 times they are fine so long as checked regularly.

Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2019 22:17

i said i was unsure how long he had been in his carseat in a different room

That's quite important to know though.

MyFavouriteTimeOfYear · 30/11/2019 22:18

If the aunt has school aged children she might know about the rules and guidelines now??

Chewbecca · 30/11/2019 22:18

I did not know this guidance.

What happens if baby sleeps in the car seat when you’re driving? You’re not exactly attending to them then, assuming just parent + baby are in the car. Are you supposed to avoid this situation now?

TruffleShuffles · 30/11/2019 22:19

Well the lullaby trust is very much against sleepyheads so some would say it’s irresponsible to leave a baby sleeping in one...

cheesydoesit · 30/11/2019 22:19

Chewbecca you're supposed to limit that amount of time spent in the car seat by breaking up the journey and getting the baby out. I can't remember the exact times.

Cremebrule · 30/11/2019 22:20

Wildorchidz Yes I misread that. The age does change things for me. As you say 3m is still tiny.

OP- it does feel like they weren’t happy and should be having a conversation with their in-laws about sleep arrangements if they babysit in the future. You do seem to be stiring things a bit though.

Quaffy · 30/11/2019 22:20

If you follow the guidelines to the letter, (Which simply isn’t possible with a lot of babies who just won’t sleep without some kind of help so this isn’t a judgy comment), you’re not meant to leave a baby unattended in a sleepyhead either, and not is it a good idea to put a baby on a sleepyhead on a sofa.

It’s tough to look after a baby and an older child, especially if the latter just wants the baby. Cut her some slack.

DeathStare · 30/11/2019 22:20

Your changing your tune OP. At first you said
Although i'd still be annoyed at least you could hear the baby cry with a monitor

Now you are saying it's because of the risk of suffocation. A baby monitor wouldn't have picked up a baby suffocating.

The baby is fine. The baby's parents should just clearly explain to the aunt that they don't want her to do this next time - AND TELL YOU NOT TO PUT THE CAR SEAT ON THE SOFA - and everyone should stop creating a needless drama

cheesydoesit · 30/11/2019 22:21

Yeah truffles I thought the same. I've heard bag things about them. Why not just use a moses basket or carry cot?

cheesydoesit · 30/11/2019 22:22

*bad

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 22:22

And you shouldn't put a baby in a car seat on a sofa. It's a risk. FACT But you do. But apparently everyone should ignore you ignoring the risks and just jump on the other aunt.

I've sat next to the carseat while on the sofa while ive been awake, if i were to get up and go somewhere i've put it on the floor.

@Chewbecca its less risk in the car but they advise taking regular breaks. I had a mirror in the car when he was really young until 6ish months

OP posts: