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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you wouldn't be this irresponsible?

236 replies

Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:21

AIBU to be fuming that a 3 month old baby was left unattended in a room on his own sleeping in a car seat with no monitor? This baby was being babysat by his aunt

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2019 21:32

So you don't know exactly how long the baby was left alone? Did it come to any harm?

mbosnz · 30/11/2019 21:33

Well, left sleeping in a car seat, not great. In a room without a monitor - unless it's a mansion, you'll hear the baby if it wakes up. I've never subscribed to the belief that you have to watch a baby every minute while sleeping, so that's not a problem for me, that it was unattended.

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:33

I've let my DS sleep in his carseat when he was little. He has always been in the same room as me. Obviously i'd pop to the toilet or potter around but i could see him/hear him. She couldn't see him and i doubt she could hear him either.
Surely if you're babysitting someone else's child anyway you'd be more cautious?

OP posts:
GaaaaarlicBread · 30/11/2019 21:34

Is the mum of the baby bothered ?

Bluerussian · 30/11/2019 21:35

I expect she would have gone up and checked on him frequently and even though she didn't hear his parents come in, she may have heard him if he cried.

If you know the other aunt you can surely tell whether or not she is a responsible person to look after a baby, same with the baby's parents.

DeathStare · 30/11/2019 21:35

Obviously you're going to leave your baby unattended for a few mins to go to the toilet/shower/ potter around. But this wasnt the case here

So you don't know how long the baby was alone for? The aunt may have been popping in on him/her every few minutes. And no harm had come to the baby, right? S/he was safely in the car seat not left lying on a sofa or something?

As I said, I was the world's most over-protective parent and even I don't see what the problem was here, unless there is a huge drip-feed coming.

And if you aren't the parent I'm not sure why you are getting involved, unless it's just to get your big wooden spoon out Hmm

Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2019 21:35

How do you know she wasn't going in to check on the baby from time to time?

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:36

Is the mum of the baby bothered ?

Yes both parents are bothered. The mum is my Dsis so this is my nephew. This is why im bothered. My sister has just called me and said how upset and angry she is. And i agree with her

OP posts:
DeathStare · 30/11/2019 21:37

i doubt she could hear him

So you don't even know she couldn't hear him? Gosh what a drama over nothing. And not even your drama to make.

SeditionSue · 30/11/2019 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JumpyLiz · 30/11/2019 21:37

Have to be honest, I'm not seeing the huge deal here.

DeathStare · 30/11/2019 21:38

My sister has just called me and said how upset and angry she is. And i agree with her

Her baby is fine, no? And nobody even knows that the baby was out of the aunt's ear-shot? This is all just speculation

Tell her to calm down. And stop shit-stirring.

Thistles24 · 30/11/2019 21:38

If my babies fell asleep in the car seat I’d generally pop them in the room across from the living room to sleep, rather than risk them being woken by their siblings. I don’t see any issue here.

SeditionSue · 30/11/2019 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:40

I don't know how often she was checking him but still why couldn't he be in the living room in his car seat. Her daughter apparently wouldn't leave him alone. Why not put the car seat on the sofa and sit next to it so she doesn't touch him? My DS is younger than her and has made alot of noise around my nephew before and my nephew has slept through the noise.

OP posts:
avacadooo · 30/11/2019 21:42

I wouldn't leave a baby to sleep in the car seat in another room not because my son is a pfb but because it isn't good for their bodies to be in that position and they're only meant to be in for two hours tops but I'm currently watching a movie in the living room while he's in bed and still haven't bothered to buy a baby monitor 🤷🏻‍♀️

And I've left my mum to babysit without a monitor too, he's fine.
It's the car seat that I'd be annoyed about not a baby being left unattended but I would expect they were left in a safe place.

MrsJoshNavidi · 30/11/2019 21:43

Over-reaction!

JasonPollack · 30/11/2019 21:43

Well she'll know not to have her babysit again won't she, and maybe pay for a professional if she wants all eyes on her pfb. I know that safe sleep says not to be unattended or sleep in car seat but did the aunt know that? Was she told? Because plenty of people would think that was fine and you won't do your sister and favours by winding her up and causing problems in the family. She is still vulnerable that long pp, try and help her be calm instead of stirring.

Floralnomad · 30/11/2019 21:43

I think you and your sister are completely over reacting , however if your sister is unhappy she knows now not to leave the child there again , presumably her SIL has managed to raise her own child to school age without them coming to too much harm so she can’t be that incompetent .

DeathStare · 30/11/2019 21:43

I don't know how often she was checking him but still why couldn't he be in the living room in his car seat. Her daughter apparently wouldn't leave him alone. Why not put the car seat on the sofa and sit next to it so she doesn't touch him?

The fact that she does not do exactly as you would do does not make her wrong and does not make what she did unreasonable or worthy of all this drama.

And actually I believe it is considered dangerous to put car seats on sofas. So whatever she did - she's safer than you.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 30/11/2019 21:43

I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all Confused

TryingToBeBold · 30/11/2019 21:43

Not a car seat but I was forever leaving DD asleep in her moses basket.
I wasnt going to drag her round the house whilst I cleaned or did something that took more than 10 mins.

Original poster
Jinglebells10 · 30/11/2019 21:44

My point is the carseat yes. I mean if he was in a cot without a monitor not bad. But they shouldn't be left unattended in a carseat or be in one for more than 2 hours. Thats the part thats annoyed me. Fine it's your own child and you want to do that but surely you'd be cautious with someone else's child?

OP posts:
Clearnightsky · 30/11/2019 21:45

We have to isolate what the risks were...
Not hearing crying - she probably could hear the crying but just not straight away.
Baby being physically safe - it’s better they sleep flat isn’t it?

GoGoLego · 30/11/2019 21:46

I know this really isn't the point and it's a point used to death on here but

What do you think people did before baby monitors existed? And the baby was put into a quieter room whilst other children etc played. Ok nanny's were probably more of a thing but you just checked on them more in general

Did the aunt in question know how to use the monitor ? Turn it on etc or was it just assumed she did