To feel so upset over cake

[mamma536]

It's just cake but...

I just had a milestone birthday. DH usually goes to a lot of planning and trouble to make it special for me, but this year he is tired and stressed. I don't normally ask for anything but as it's a milestone I asked for something specific. But...he gave me nothing, no cake, not even a card because he said they were all too expensive (we are not skint) and he didn't even go to the effort of getting toddler to scribble something on a sheet of paper. That's fine, he has a lot going on, let's just forget it.

On the other hand my lovely colleagues at work bought me an expensive surprise chocolate cake, lit candles, sang happy birthday, took pictures, made lots of fuss. We ate half (I had a small piece) and they told me to take the other half home to share with DH. I got home, told DH about the cake and put it in the fridge.

Well when I got home the next day, looking forward to a piece, I found that DH HAD EATEN IT ALL. He didn't even leave me a tiny piece. He apologised and said in his head that he thought I had eaten half, so the other half was for him. 😥

I'm a little upset at the lack of effort from him, but mostly upset because he also took away something that my friends gave me that was supposed to be for me.

It's not really an AIBU. I know it's just cake. I just need to vent. 😥

I don't think the cake is the issue here.

It's his utter thoughtlessness.

Not even a card? What a selfish twat. Then he ate HALF a birthday cake? Gready bastard.

this year he is tired and stressed

Well, bless diddums. He must be really super important with a super important job. x

Honestly that's so shitty. I'm assuming he's got previous for treating you like shit?

What comes across in your post is your appreciation of the effort they went to at work in stark contrast to nothing from him. It’s not the money it’s the lack of caring.

Sorry, I don't know why I put a kiss at the end!

Just don’t let him ever forget his shitty behaviour for years and years to come.

If you love someone you make the effort. Actually if you love someone it isn’t an effort.

It would be telling me an awful lot about him if I were you. None of it good.

What a selfish fucking bastard. This has made me really angry on your behalf.

When did all this happen? Is it possible that he has something special arranged for the weekend as a surprise?

Either way eating the cake was poor on his part. I hope you're able to do something nice to mark your milestone birthday.

Buy yourself a new cake. Eat half. Fill the rest with laxatives and leave it in the fridge!

That’s horrible!

The reason you’re so upset about the cake is because it has shown your ‘D’H up as being the self-centred, greedy, thoughtless twat that he is.

If he can’t see that he’s behaved horribly then I’d say your relationship is over (unless you’re willing to carry on like this, which I really hope you’re not).

Ah OP that’s so sad. Having your partner tell
You that you’re not even worth a couple of quid for a card. That’s terrible.

Also wtf eats half a cake! This cake was big enough for your colleagues to share it’s clearly not tiny.

You said you aren’t hard up. What would you have liked to do? Do you have a friend you could still go and do something with?

He needs a word with himself.

What a pig! Who eats half a cake? That’s just greedy. Hope you make as much effort for his birthday when it comes around. In fact, if you were planning a Christmas present for him, I wouldn’t bother.

That’s just pants OP.. My recent birthday (not a milestone one) my 17 year old bought a cake on his way home from college, and did candles and everything. I got gifts and cards from him, and his brother. I even got a card from the cats! If two teenage boys can manage, your husband has zero excuse.

He sounds like an arse and he owes you a cake.

You need to explode at your DH, OP. Full force, unfiltered anger & upset. He made you feel like this, he needs to understand how shit he's made you feel AND THEN he needs to do something to make up for it.

If he doesn't, I'd be taking myself off on my own to a nice hotel for a few days to think about the future.

Happy birthday.

He’s a shit. Not only did he make no effort, he then ate the only gift that you had got.

Has he done anything to show you he’s sorry or has he just said it?

There’s no way he thought the other half was for him, I mean that doesn’t make sense... it’s your birthday cake, who splits a birthday cake 50/50?...

Have you asked him why he got you nothing for your birthday?

Thanks all, it helps to read your responses. He used to be so thoughtful and sweet but he has had a tough year out of work - he's bored, directionless, stressed, lonely. I'm trying to be supportive but as I work there's only so much I can do in the day. But yes, he's stopped making effort with me. He certainly thought about what he could get me for my birthday - he asked what I wanted and I told him - but he failed to carry any of it out. I'll add he's a terrible procrastinator to the list and the main reason he is so directionless. We've talked about it before but nothing changes.

Going against the grain (although totally agreeing this is crap and you have every reason to be upset) you said he is stressed... how badly? Is he ok? Is this normal behaviour for him to be so dismissive of you and eat half a cake?!!

Buy yourself a very large cake/gateaux OP and sit in front of him and eat the whole thing!!!
Sounds like something my husband would do. What a wanker!

He’s a cunt! I forbid you to do anything for his birthday. Greedy lazy cunt!

“he has had a tough year out of work”

So it’s your money he couldn’t be arsed buying a card from as well?

So he does fuck all for your birthday and then eats your cake and you haven’t exploded at him?

Cards cost a £1. He’s full of shit. Being stressed doesn’t mean you get to treat your partner like they mean nothing.

It's not just cake though us it, it's representative of your DH not thinking of you at all. And I'm sorry no matter how "stressed, bored, directionless" etc he is makes that OK!

OP, please reciprocate for his birthday. Nothing, nada,zilch.

“Too expensive”and “stressed out” is an excuse for “can’t be arsed with birthday”

Ate half of your cake which was your birthday present. Shocking.

Thoughtless,selfish and greedy to the boot.

Belated Happy Birthday OP