To feel so upset over cake

[mamma536]

It's just cake but...

I just had a milestone birthday. DH usually goes to a lot of planning and trouble to make it special for me, but this year he is tired and stressed. I don't normally ask for anything but as it's a milestone I asked for something specific. But...he gave me nothing, no cake, not even a card because he said they were all too expensive (we are not skint) and he didn't even go to the effort of getting toddler to scribble something on a sheet of paper. That's fine, he has a lot going on, let's just forget it.

On the other hand my lovely colleagues at work bought me an expensive surprise chocolate cake, lit candles, sang happy birthday, took pictures, made lots of fuss. We ate half (I had a small piece) and they told me to take the other half home to share with DH. I got home, told DH about the cake and put it in the fridge.

Well when I got home the next day, looking forward to a piece, I found that DH HAD EATEN IT ALL. He didn't even leave me a tiny piece. He apologised and said in his head that he thought I had eaten half, so the other half was for him. 😥

I'm a little upset at the lack of effort from him, but mostly upset because he also took away something that my friends gave me that was supposed to be for me.

It's not really an AIBU. I know it's just cake. I just need to vent. 😥

Totally agree with Bluntness.
It's so common for controlling/abusive types to use occasions such as birthdays or Christmas to make some sort of upset.
It is a type of punishment - no one accidentally fails to get a birthday card or eats all of a cake - iit wa him making damn sure you didn;t enjoy your day, because everything is all about him.
I used to be in an abusive marriage and I used to dread birthdays and Christmas because I knew there would be something hurtful and cruel coming my way.
Also I have suffered from fairly severe depression - I have never ever used it as an excuse to hurt my loved ones or treat them badly. As a person with depression my criticism and anger is all directed towards myself not others. And more to the point I have always sought help for it, or listened when others have said they think I need help.

I’d be giving serious consideration to my future with this man. This is not about a cake or a card he’s just sending the message that he doesn’t care. Oh and depression doesn’t make you an asshole,

@mamma536 your postsremind me of another poster who had a depressed SAHD partner who was passive-aggressive and sometimes just aggressive, and refused to find work. IIRC, he'd been made redundant and fell into stay at home parenting, while refusing to look at jobs which were not in his very-hard-to-enter dream industry (musician or something, I think?)

But , that particular DH did not do the equivalent of what a SAHM would do - used the excuse that the child "needed" the mother.

It sounded awful, and I hope MN helped her unpick what the relationship was turning into.

I also hope it's not you, still on this treadmill.

If you separated, the Family Court will start at the assumption of 50/50 shared care for most children, particularly if you still do a lot of hands on care for your child. He would have to find work, and start sorting himself out more generally.

@BorsetshireBlueBalls
@Bluntness100

Both these poster's have absolutely nailed it OP.

I would no more be letting this go.

I would be putting baby in nursery and giving him an ultimatum, shape up or ship out.

Eating the cake is hugely selfish and self absorbed.

I don't for a minute believe it was an innocent mistake.

Mind yourself 💐