To feel so upset over cake

[mamma536]

It's just cake but...

I just had a milestone birthday. DH usually goes to a lot of planning and trouble to make it special for me, but this year he is tired and stressed. I don't normally ask for anything but as it's a milestone I asked for something specific. But...he gave me nothing, no cake, not even a card because he said they were all too expensive (we are not skint) and he didn't even go to the effort of getting toddler to scribble something on a sheet of paper. That's fine, he has a lot going on, let's just forget it.

On the other hand my lovely colleagues at work bought me an expensive surprise chocolate cake, lit candles, sang happy birthday, took pictures, made lots of fuss. We ate half (I had a small piece) and they told me to take the other half home to share with DH. I got home, told DH about the cake and put it in the fridge.

Well when I got home the next day, looking forward to a piece, I found that DH HAD EATEN IT ALL. He didn't even leave me a tiny piece. He apologised and said in his head that he thought I had eaten half, so the other half was for him. 😥

I'm a little upset at the lack of effort from him, but mostly upset because he also took away something that my friends gave me that was supposed to be for me.

It's not really an AIBU. I know it's just cake. I just need to vent. 😥

How awful, OP, there is no excuse for him treating you like that. However stressed your DH might be, it's no excuse for him not doing anything to make your birthday special, and eating all your cake was a spiteful thing to do.

Yanbu I suspect this the last straw?
I would be upset and huffy too

I think huffy is the wrong word..but happy birthday

Even if you had eaten half it was still YOUR birthday cake (and I guess only gift) so the other half wouldn’t have been his anyway. It would have been yours. What a dick. I love birthday more than my DH (not about the gifts because there is more to it than that) but if he had pulled that shit I’d so soo upset and would have to tell him!

Hmmm, unless real MH problems going on, sounds like he doesn't like you at all. All that together is absolutely deliberate to puss you off. He either needs to drastically change or get to fuck.

I am sorry, this must be very upsetting

What a shit. I understand why you are so angry and hurt. Greedy nast arsehole. I wonder how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot. I bet you've never forgotten his birthday or eaten his bloody cake.

There's no excuse for his utterly shitty behaviour OP. There HAS to be something more to this! Happy birthd

You need to actually address the reasons he is hurting you and not to let it slide.

It sounds like he checked out of your marriage some time ago, and treats you poorly, but you are scared to confront

I'd have fucking shot him. He's a selfish arse and you deserve better.

Tired and stressed my arse.

He's a pig.

Has he always treated you badly?

Is he seriously saying he didn’t get even a CARD for your milestone birthday because they were too expensive?! If he’s telling you that you aren’t worth spending a couple of pounds on on your birthday then I think you have a right to be furious - never mind asking if you’re being at all unreasonable! Nobody assumes an entire half of someone’s birthday cake is all for them and none is for the person whose birthday it is. That’s plain greedy and selfish.

Can't you put your disappointment to one side - get another cake and a bottle of fizz to share at home and just talk about it ? So she buys her own belated birthday cake and fizz and listens sympathetically to the person who chose to upset her?

Some birthday that will be!

Oh for goodness sake, it doesn't take much effort to buy a card, a small thoughtful gift and a cake.

I would be livid that he ate the leftover cake too! LTB.

It's not about cake. It's about his lack of effort and selfishness.

Does he have a good reason to be tired or stressed? Not that it justifies his behaviour.

Think you need to tell him that it's not acceptable, and he has pissed you off. Tell him to replace the cake with an m&s one. How on earth did he eat half a cake in one day??! My husband is not great at gifts either but also least he always buys me a card. I buy my own cake and gift every year, from our shared bank account.

Happy Birthday!! I am sorry he is being awful. You had half of your cake so he could half the other half? I would ask him why he is being such an arse.

Why are you not furious? Appalling behaviour on all counts from him. Just really, really grim.

I would struggle not to despise him.

What a selfish arsehole!

I think you should show him this thread. I can’t believe he couldn’t make an effort for you for just one day out of the year.
You deserve far better!

I would be seriously upset & questioning if he even cares enough to consider how hurt I would be

its not the cake, really, its what the cake represents. I.e your DH gives you nothing and takes away what you have got.

He sounds like a miserable twat, and there is no way I personally could continue with a marriage to someone so bloody selfish.

I, myself am tired and stressed. I still make the effort for birthdays. It is really not that hard. it is a tiny thing you can do to make the person you love happy, and he couldn't be arsed to do it. He is telling you, that you are not worth a £5 cake and a £1 card. Listen to him.

WTAF
Unbelievable OP, truly. No gift, no card, no nothing. For a landmark birthday.
Then he eats your cake, the only thing you received for your birthday.
I would really struggle with this. This is like a big wake-up call.

Has he always been so awful? If so, how did you get together with him and why do you stay?
Or is this new strange behaviour? If so, what's going on and can it be fixed?

LTB!

This post makes me so mad on your behalf!! I would literally put a note on the fridge asking "No card, no birthday present for the milestone birthday and best of all no cake and you ate the one my friends gave me. This is rubbish behaviour and you know it. And then I would go on all out strike, only doing things for DC until he grovels. ( but then I am a bit of a childish drama queen when it comes to birthdays, soz)
On a serious note, what is he so stressed about that he willingly causes a tonne of extra stress at home by acting like this when a few quid and a bunch of flowers would probably have solved the problem?

No this isn't ok. But if it is off form for him I would be sitting him down, calmly explain why it hurt and upset me and was anything wrong. Next steps would then depend on how he re-acted.

If he has form for it he's a cake eating cocksnot and it would probably be the last straw.

He needs a kick up the arse. And a serious sit-down talk about your relationship.