To allow child a day off to miss this?

[biscuitsteaandgin]

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

@screamingvalenta neither to do you need to run a race in front of people either

There is a argument against both this and sports day I agree. But you cannot distinguish one as being ok and the other not. The positives and negatives of both are broadly similar.

It does of course highlight the issue of how Sports is still held up as being better than music/performance and academia

You weren't forced to do any of those things though. You could've walked away. If you hated maths presumably you wouldn't have chosen to try for a job where it would be a requirement. If you hated speaking English publicly you probably wouldn't have attended an English speaking university. You were not forced to do these things- you choose to.

You are right, I chose to come over here, attend uni, learn the language like a native speaker, apply for a citizenship and find a job. I chose to because I wanted to have food on my plate and a roof over my head and not be cold in winter.

Choice huh.

Dancing in front of a school for a competition doesn’t even compare to the reasons why I made those choices.

exactly @ScreamingValenta

I work in the arts, I'm passionate about cultural education. Forcing people, who don't want to, to perform is not how you spark a passion or how most people learn best.

Bloody hell, why would you not participate if you were in a wheelchair? Is this your thinking as surely the school wouldn’t exclude a child based on a disability.

neither to do you need to run a race in front of people either

I completely agree, and I'd no more advocate that than I would forcing people to take part in a stage performance. Public sports days are great for those who want the thrill of an audience, but otherwise just let people do sports amongst their peers.

Send them in! I was great at academia, always in top set etc, got to outshine a lot of my peers. Had my ass handed back to me on a plate at school concerts and sports day though! But it taught me humility and gave me respect for their talents. Would have missed this important life lesson, even if it did make me feel very embarrassed at the time.

No, absolutely everyone has to perform unless exceptional circumstances (e.g. in a wheelchair)

I very much hope they will be finding ways to enable wheelchair users to participate. Whole school event means everyone.

No, we had a child in a wheelchair and he was in every performance. The staff were known to well up never mind mum and dad. He had very little speech but his smile was as wide as the stage. He often had his chair turned into all sorts of things. It was Santa's sleigh once and he went on with reindeer ears and flashing nose with Santa following behind.
I wouldn't let him stay off but I would help him practice and practice to help his confidence.

Yes, and if you never get up and do something in front of an audience you don't get better at doing so.

If this was speaking in front of an audience, I'd agree. But it isn't. It's singing and dancing.

I'm tone deaf - I could 'sing' in front of an audience every night for a year and never get any better. I have very poor co-ordination, and while I admit that if I practiced a dance regularly, I'd probably get better at that particular dance, but an audience would be more likely to hinder that than help it.

Singing and dancing is not just about singing and dancing. Just as learning matrix theory is not just about matrix theory.

This is one of those the longs where you can’t reply without more information- and they won’t give any. Very frustrating. I was giving the benefit of the doubt over the wheel chair comment- but not any more. Let’s hope it’s the OP’s interpretation, not the school’s.

I'm tone deaf - I could 'sing' in front of an audience every night for a year and never get any better.

Bad example to choose. If properly taught you could learn to sing in quite a short space of time.

No, absolutely everyone has to perform unless exceptional circumstances (e.g. in a wheelchair)

That is a dreadful attitude. I hope they would be finding a way for anyone in a wheelchair or with any other disability to join in as much as everyone else.
wheelchair dancing

I’d keep them off tbh. I keep mine off for sports day as well. They don’t participate and last time they attended they got horribly sunburned which involved time off school afterwards. We are all happier with them staying off.

I would keep my child off if she felt that strongly about not taking part, have you spoken to the school to find out why they are doing this, especially when childhood mental health is a big issue these days.

My friends sons school tried this. Sat in the floor folded his arms and refused to participate. It was very entertaining.

Unless school agree to your dc not performing well in advance, they would be letting the rest of their group down and leaving them in a very tricky situation by simply not turning up on the day.
Imo, that’s not an acceptable thing to do.

Whether school should force everybody to perform is an entirely different matter.

I'm sceptical, ferrier because I simply can't hear the right notes in my head. What comes out of my mouth is a sort of droning sound that bears no resemblance to the notes I am aiming at. It's not to do with the quality of my voice, it's an inability to identify different notes.

I'm tone deaf - I could 'sing' in front of an audience every night for a year and never get any better. I have very poor co-ordination, and while I admit that if I practiced a dance regularly, I'd probably get better at that particular dance, but an audience would be more likely to hinder that than help it.

I reckon, with an entire secondary school (usually over 1000 pupils) and one day to learn and perform this dance, if it even involves a stage there'll be so many others on it that he'll not be under any scrutiny. And the presence of an audience, whatever you are doing in front of them, is what matters in terms of getting used to audiences. He'll build teamwork skills and bond with his peers (who also probably don't want to do it) creating a shared experience. I can see plenty of positive reasons for joining in.

I was cripplingly shy at school. This type of thing would have played on my mind, distracted and distressed me for weeks before hand. I don't know why schools insists on children taking part in these pointless activities. I avoided them at all costs. Not getting up on stage and making an utter tit of myself at shool has not affected my life one bit. I'm a perfectly confident adult.

And the presence of an audience, whatever you are doing in front of them, is what matters in terms of getting used to audiences.

So why not let non-singers and dancers have silent walk-on parts, or small speaking (non-singing) roles?

To stop your child fretting about this just explain you'll sort it and not to worry. Tell the head and senco this is causing stress and unessary worry and you don't want them to take part. Maybe they can be a stage hand instead, help with sound and lights. All else fails they just don't go that day. X

So why not let non-singers and dancers have silent walk-on parts, or small speaking (non-singing) roles?

They might for all I know. Many dances do start with people acting out a scene. Do we know much about the nature of this competition? Is it between-schools or within-school? A single performance or many smaller ones? Though to be fair, a kid with stage fright would probably not want to have one of only a few speaking roles.

"I can't think of any situation in adult life when you'd be forced against your will to sing and dance on stage."

Clearly you've not been to one of DH's family's parties

FWIW, I would totally let mine off if they could explain thoroughly to me why exactly they didn't want to do it and what their worries were, and I then thought it was justifiable.

I don't think we need to rely just on one singing and dancing event at school to teach our DCs resilience. There are other opportunities to stretch out of our comfort zones and it's part of parenting to ensure this is done, not just the school's. There's more than one opportunity, they won't become a cringing recluse simply because they were excused from singing Bohemian Rhapsody on a wobbly stage in front of the lower V on November 26th 2019.

I think there are so many variables here anyway it doesn't really matter what anyone here would do - all our DC are different. For example in our family alone I probably would have let DS2 off with it but DS1 would have to suck it up as their personalities and needs were so different and they both would have "learnt" from different approaches to this.

Another variable is the type of school environment - any school that writes to parents that DC in wheelchairs are excused due to exceptional circumstances has a fuckload more wrong with it anyway and I would be more concerned with attitudes like that being modelled to my DC.

What are the activities' learning outcomes? I suspect they will be all be reached through other tasks in drama and music throughout the year. On this basis, I would let her/him miss the day.