To allow child a day off to miss this?

[biscuitsteaandgin]

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

[SteelRiver]

I'd allow them to miss it. I think it's pointless rubbish when they could be learning something useful and I was cripplingly shy, so something like this would've given me a breakdown; I'd never put a child of mine through something like that if they didn't want to do it.

[Birthdaycakemondays]

I was like this as a kid, one sports day in junior school I was soooo anxious about running with everyone watching me, I ended up throwing up (which got me out the race .)

I would worry I was reinforcing the anxiety issue by not making them go, but equally I wouldn’t want my child to get so worked up over something so pointless - I would probably not send them because it would be horrible to see them so upset over something I could easily stop.

[ScreamingValenta]

My DS1 hated PE, but he still had to play rugby in the rain. DS2 hates maths and really doesn't get it.

But those are skills that will be useful in adult life - perhaps not rugby specifically, but generally having to exert yourself in adverse weather conditions - and maths to the level you learn it at school is pretty much an essential for an adult if you don't want to get ripped off left, right and centre.

Singing and dancing, unless you want to make a career of it, is of no practical use in adult life.

[dreichthanksgiving]

Forcing someone to do something stressful in front of an audience is not preparing them for adulthood.

My personal experience of life is that is absolutely chock full of those experiences and learning to deal with them is probably more useful than any amount of algebra.

It sounds on a par with sports day. Unless there are SN reasons to avoid I would try and encourage as real life training.

[CravingCheese]

Rehearsal is during tutor time. They will be performing with about 10 others but it’s anticipated a few will miss school that day.

Allowing her to miss it due to embarrassment is imo also teaching her that it's fine to abandon her peers and shirk her responsibilities.

[Kinsellahicks]

@biscuitsteaandgin Then that’s pretty shocking. As a professional in this field there is no reason they can’t be making adaptations to the performance to enable the opportunity to be open to all students, including wheelchair users.

[Autumntoowet]

This does not compare to a maths lesson.
I would have a chat and either DC stays home or he is allowed not to participate. Actually any child that feels uncomfortable shouldn’t be made to participate.
Standing up in front of everyone to dance and sing?
Do we force adults to do this?
Because in every single course I have been to or taught you ask for volunteers.
Way to make the children hate drama.

[Plages]

Nope, don’t think I would make them do it. Not if they were really worried and embarrassed about it. My son would be in his element so I wouldn’t have to actually keep him off but I suppose something equivalent in another area and I would.

I remember having to do a pretend wedding ceremony in year 7, just to run through the Christian ceremony during an R.E lesson. But we were given actual parts and were supposed to dress accordingly. The teacher built it up as a big thing and I guess it was supposed to be fun. I was given mother of the bride rather than standard guest and was partnered with the most cool, popular boy in the year as father of the bride. So I was supposed to sit with him and wear a fancy dress etc. I was the class nerd and relentlessly picked on. He’d already not very nicely voiced his disappointment at being paired with me. My family were also poor so I just didn’t have smart, wedding appropriate clothing and I was in tears at home trying to find something that I wouldn’t get bullied for wearing. My parents let me have the day off and I was so glad.

[ScreamingValenta]

I can't think of a single occasion in my adult life where I've been forced to solve an equation for X against my will. Or do a high-jump. Or have a recorded conversation in French with an examiner. Or write an essay about 1920's America.

But those things have more general applications in adult life. If you're trying to work out which of many complex mortgage deals is best for you, maths and problem-solving will come in useful. The high jump falls into the bracket of general health and fitness. Speaking another language is a highly desirable employment skill. You might never need to write an essay about 1920s America, but the research and writing skills producing that essay teaches you might have many applications in business.

[PaquitaVariation]

My kids are performers. They still have to do all the ‘pointless crap’ like English lit, science, RE, etc, because it’s part of a well-rounded education, just like singing and dancing. All part of the curriculum. Tell him to get on with it, it’ll be three minutes out of the whole year.

[Autumntoowet]

I can, but even if we discount that, you could argue that for most of education couldn't you? I can't think of a single occasion in my adult life where I've been forced to solve an equation for X against my will. Or do a high-jump. Or have a recorded conversation in French with an examiner.

Solve an equation against your will
Well I have been made to solve math problems to get a job, as part of the interview process.
I have been made to do physical tests for the same reason, including jumps and I had my conversation recorded in English twice as an adult, once to enter uni, another to get my British citizenship.

Unless I wanted an acting role, there is no way I would be dancing and singing on stage in front of others and nobody should be made to

[RolytheRhino]

And also it's not the same as Maths or PE, these things have real world benefits and are important.

By the end of primary school (Year nine at the latest) most kids have learned most of the maths they'll need for real life- stuff like quadratic formula and Pythagoras's theorem is only really useful if you have a career where it's applicable. Physical exercise is important but what was the point of the endless games of netball I was forced to play as a secondary school child? It was mostly standing around avoiding going anywhere near the ball.i wouldn't say PE is intrinsically any more important than music and drama.

[Hellofromtheotherside2020]

Nah, let her have the day off.
Life's too short to do things you're uncomfortable with... Whether that be in school or work.
You're not going to hinder her entire life or career aspirations by letting her sit out a non curriculum based activity. It's no different to me skipping golf day at work.

Some people will tolerate shit, some won't.

As for those saying "if she hated maths would you let her skip school"? It's totally different. Maths IS school, this particular performance is an activity.

[ScreamingValenta]

My kids are performers. They still have to do all the ‘pointless crap’ like English lit, science, RE, etc, because it’s part of a well-rounded education

But however good your kids are, the fact is that if they want a show business career, they are entering a massively overcrowded and competitive arena. They might well have to do other jobs while they are waiting for their big break, so they need to have general skills.

The reverse just isn't true. Imagine it. 'Mum, I didn't get that job in the call centre, so I'll just have to stick with EastEnders for the time being.'

[RolytheRhino]

Solve an equation against your will grin
Well I have been made to solve math problems to get a job, as part of the interview process.
I have been made to do physical tests for the same reason, including jumps and I had my conversation recorded in English twice as an adult, once to enter uni,

You weren't forced to do any of those things though. You could've walked away. If you hated maths presumably you wouldn't have chosen to try for a job where it would be a requirement. If you hated speaking English publicly you probably wouldn't have attended an English speaking university. You were not forced to do these things- you choose to.

[Quartz2208]

It is no different to any of the others - getting up on stage and doing a group dance has as much application in adult life as sports day does.

I hated sports day having to run around the track 800 metres was awful but it did teach me to get out of my comfort zone and push myself and realise that actually no one really paid attention to me. I fail to see the difference between that and what they are asking them to do with this.

Although you do see why the arts are on a downward spiral in comparision to sport.

That said if it truly does cause him angst then by all means have a day off but dont try to somehow make Sport and PE better than music and dancing

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

Yep, and ditto sports day tbh

Forcing people to perform in front of their entire school community is entirely different than the expectation of going to maths lessons. If it is causing genuine anxiety and distress - as opposed to I CBA doing that - and school attendance otherwise fine, then I'd have zero qualms in letting them skive. Making people do something they find distressing is not how you build resilience.

I think the sad thing is though it is probably supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

[RolytheRhino]

Maths IS school

So is drama (performance and acting), music (singing) and PE (dance). Working collaboratively with one's peers to create a performance and then executing it well is a very worthwhile educational activity.

[Jellybeansincognito]

I wouldn’t let them miss school but I would teach my child that it’s ok to say no.
If the school then wanted to punish my child for this, they would get an absolute earful.

With rates mental health issues in children rising, and especially the way social media is influencing children these days- I can imagine how nerve wracking it would be to compete in this day and age, so much pressure than before.
If you can perform and have the skills and confidence to perform- great. But forcing every single child to do this? No. It’s not good for anyone is it.
It is completely teaching the wrong values.

[ScreamingValenta]

realise that actually no one really paid attention to me

If you're getting up on stage, the whole idea is that people are paying attention to you. The OP isn't talking about her DC learning a song and dance routine in the classroom, she's talking about the DC having to get up on stage and perform one in front of an audience.

[Stompythedinosaur]

I'd expect them to suck it up and take part tbh.

My work involves doing things I don't want to do including things that might be embarrassing if they go wrong. It's good to practice managing your emotions in situations like that.

[ScreamingValenta]

So is drama (performance and acting), music (singing) and PE (dance). Working collaboratively with one's peers to create a performance and then executing it well is a very worthwhile educational activity.

But you don't need to get up on stage in front of an audience to do all that.

[Yarboosucks]

How will you explain the absence? If you will lie and say DC is sick then YABU.

Missing the day for a fairly weak reason is one thing, giving a dishonest reason is another matter entirely. I would not allow it, it is important to learn that such performances are often nowhere near as bad as expected.

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

"I hated sports day having to run around the track 800 metres was awful but it did teach me to get out of my comfort zone and push myself and realise that actually no one really paid attention to me. "

• did it though? in that moment? really???

[RolytheRhino]

she's talking about the DC having to get up on stage and perform one in front of an audience

Yes, and if you never get up and do something in front of an audience you don't get better at doing so. It's nerve-wracking to get up in front of an audience for most people but the more you do it the more you realise it's not actually a huge deal. Besides, with the whole school doing it over just one day, it is unlikely he would be up there on his own.