To allow child a day off to miss this?

[biscuitsteaandgin]

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

Sure. But I maintain that needing publically perform and speak as a child did contribute to me doing presentations (whether in school, university or my professional life) with confidence. And without experiencing any undue stress.

And I refused to have anything to do with performing on stage after about the age of 6, and am perfectly capable of public speaking as an adult. I can present on subjects where I'm not properly briefed, I can present well where I am, I can do hustings, or make public speeches in front of a crowd of hundreds with no notes, no planning and no warning.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

Is the child going to be performing as part of a group where they can blend into the background or are they performing on their own?

I'd be more inclined to let them miss it if it was a solo performance.

Let them have the day off

Does he have to sing and dance alone or in a group? If the former, I can understand that this might create some anxiety and I might be inclined to let him have the day off. If it's in a group and just a general case of can't-be-arsedness, then I'm afraid he'd have to go.

The school I went to we had whole school singing competitions - competed within our school ‘houses’ so wasn’t solos or anything like that. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, it wasn’t about being talented but more like large group karaoke. No need for embarrassment.

When you are a child insecurities are so magnified and painful, I wouldn’t force my child to do this as it’s absolutely not necessary for their education or in the workplace. Can’t you all remember how painful it was to be an insecure teenager?

There are plenty of times in life you have to do things you don’t like
I don’t agree with this, for two reasons.
A) As an adult I’ve never been made to sing and dance, and if someone tried to make me, I would 100% refuse
B) Yes, we all do things we don’t want to, but there’s usually a reason. There is no reason for this. What’s the point of doing something ‘character building’ that has the potential to cause stress, and could potentially result in mocking from other children? It doesn’t make sense

Presumably in this day and age the teachers wouldn't be allowed to physically drag the DC on stage, so s/he could go into school, but politely refuse to take part in the performance.

For a one off activity that will cause your child huge stress and anxiety, I don’t think it’s worth it sending your child in.

My school had a day for sixth formers with an army fitness session in the morning, and a stand-up comedy workshop in the afternoon (which required you to try to tell jokes in front of others).

It was my idea of hell. I’ll be forever grateful to my mother for allowing me to miss it.

*Don’t send them

It’s a good lesson that you can say no to pointless shite.*

Yep, that's a very good lesson to learn. For kids that hate that sort of crap, it must be hellish.

I attended a school which was mad keen on performances and I tried to get out of it, even saying would rather have extra maths ... but no and I can remember clear as anything having to prance about in little cotton dresses from pillow cases ... I kept my eyes shut so couldnt see the audience and ended up in the wrong spot on stage with one of the major little stars furious. I never did another play ever. My blood runs cold remembering it. Managed to get in the choir from then on and be in the back miming!

Luckily my children took part happily in primary years but avoided anything stagey at secondary and it was not forced that everyone should take part.

It’s similar to that peppered but involved dancing which is causing a certain amount of angst.

Just as an aside OP people in wheelchairs are able to take part in dance and singing.

Yeah I would .. my dd gets very upset about stuff like that .

Don’t send them

It’s a good lesson that you can say no to pointless shite.

😂 I agree.

It sounds like a one off thing.

My son used to hate dance/drama lessons that he had to do from Years 7 - 9. Only about 5 kids out of 30 were interested. As it was a weekly lesson, I had to tell him that he had to do it but one off stuff like this is completely different.

X post. If it's a group thing, I'd probably make him go, but if you really think he shouldn't have to do it, I'd be inclined to discuss your concerns with the school and ask for him to be excused, rather than teaching him that it's ok to bunk off when there is something that he doesn't like.

And if the school aren’t finding an inclusive way for those particular students to take part then they are not doing their jobs properly.

You need to send him in. My DS1 hated PE, but he still had to play rugby in the rain. DS2 hates maths and really doesn't get it. He still has to do it. You can't just pick and choose the bits of school you want them to do. Your job as a parent is to help them build resilience and coping strategies to get through it.

Let her be unwell on that day.

Surely it won't be just the one day. There will be planning and practice to do. I can't see how the school can force the children to actually get up on stage and perform though. Why doesn't she want to do it? I hated dance and drama at school but I could happily argue lawyer style with my drama teacher about why I didn't want to do it and that seemed to impress him and didn't force me (this was when I was 13). My 11 year old usually ended up as the lighting/graphics/music director at her Primary performance because she simply wouldn't go on stage and much prefers the technical side. Now at secondary she is gaining confidence slowly in performance but the school never force the children to do it if they are uncomfortable.
Your daughter needs to make her reasons clear and talk to her teachers. But other than dragging her on stage and poking her with a cattle prod they can't really force her to perform.

If they suffer from confidence issues or extreme shyness then this is something the school should know about and adapt to. DS was involved in every compulsory performance at primary but was given roles that he could cope with - backstage or back row or non-speaking. If school had forced him to do front row, speaking or dancing then I would have refused to let him take part. By Y6 he felt able to deliver one line on his own and I almost cried as it was such a big step for him. I see no reason why secondary schools can’t do the same. Having said that, anything outside normal school hours is in my view not compulsory whatever school says.

Just relaying the message from school kinsella

I'd let them miss the day but stress that it's a one off. If other kids miss school as well it may send a message to the school to stop forced competitive singing and dancing.

Back in the 90s we were made to sing in front of the class (with no music as well ) and I was so so traumatised, and I have since avoided performing and public speaking.

God that sounds awful! It is literally my idea of torture. Let them have the day off. Don't put them through that one!!

And also it's not the same as Maths or PE, these things have real world benefits and are important. What is the logical reason for making children do a song and dance routine.

I can't think of any situation in adult life when you'd be forced against your will to sing and dance on stage.

I can, but even if we discount that, you could argue that for most of education couldn't you? I can't think of a single occasion in my adult life where I've been forced to solve an equation for X against my will. Or do a high-jump. Or have a recorded conversation in French with an examiner. Or write an essay about 1920's America. As an adult, you get more choices and more autonomy- that's a boon of being an adult (Lord knows there are also plenty of downsides). That said, there's a fair amount of paperwork that I don't see the point of and don't enjoy that my boss wants me to do. Sure, I could say no, but not if I want to keep my job. I can imagine a twelve year old who's always been allowed an opt out on the basis that he really doesn't want to do something may well struggle with the realities of working life later on.

I'd have him do it, and in all probability he'll find that actually it's not that bad and may even learn something rather than sitting at home all day.