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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow child a day off to miss this?

342 replies

biscuitsteaandgin · 27/11/2019 19:16

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

OP posts:
Nacreous · 27/11/2019 19:33

If they made children do live maths out loud in front of the whole school in a competitive format probably wouldn't send them in for that either.

I think I would either try to get them a role back stage, or if that was going to be a non-starter, I would keep them off.

thingsgetbetterf · 27/11/2019 19:33

Nope I wouldn't send my DC if it was something like this that the really would hate to do.

Same as sports day or if they were doing something they hated in PE I would gladly write them a note to get out of it.

When I was a teenager things like this made me extremely anxious so I wouldn't put my DC through pointless shit either. I've turned out perfectly well regardless of missing the odd stupid thing at school

Wearywithteens · 27/11/2019 19:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Weedinosaurus · 27/11/2019 19:33

Seriously, send him in. He’s not exactly going to suffer life long damage because he had to do something he didn’t want to....
Ffs

CravingCheese · 27/11/2019 19:34

Presumably a maths based activity does not run the risk of embarassing yourself in front of a large audience and your peers

Maths definitely lead to embarrassment in front of my peers...

Public speaking is a valuable skill.
learning how to overcome fear and embarrassment is a good life lesson as well.

ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2019 19:34

do you want him to be prepared for adulthood or not

It's not really preparation for adulthood to take part in a singing/dancing event when you have no talent or interest in those things.

The world is heaving with people who are desperate to sing or dance as a career - it's not as though the OP's DC is going to find themselves as a jobseeker being forced to take the lead role in Phantom of the Opera or face being sanctioned.

TeenPlusTwenties · 27/11/2019 19:34

Forcing someone to do something stressful in front of an audience is not preparing them for adulthood.

Unless of course they ever get a job where they have to present anything to an audience. (Which is quite a lot of jobs one way or another.)

Original poster
biscuitsteaandgin · 27/11/2019 19:35

Sing and dance, bert

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/11/2019 19:35

It depends what he has to do.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 27/11/2019 19:37

You should send her in to perform ‘Another Brick in the Wall’. YABVU to not have thought of that.

ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2019 19:37

Unless of course they ever get a job where they have to present anything to an audience.

Running through a Powerpoint slide deck in front of 20 bored delegates in a meeting room isn't quite the same thing as getting up on stage to do a song and dance routine.

Deadsouls · 27/11/2019 19:37

No I would not allow a day off in this circumstance. Sometimes in life we have to do things we don't want to do. It won't kill them.

RolytheRhino · 27/11/2019 19:37

Sometimes in life we all have to do things we don't want to do. Like job interviews. I have an mid-twenties cousin lives and home and is not in employment or education and hasn't been for a few years because she doesn't want to go to any interviews (her attendance at school was pretty shocking too as she got into the upper reaches of secondary- she just didn't want to go in). It's a potentially harmful precedent to set IMO.

Original poster
biscuitsteaandgin · 27/11/2019 19:38

Sing and dance, bert Grin

OP posts:
ShinyGiratina · 27/11/2019 19:39

If they're in a crowd and can just mumble along en-masse, that's different to being centre stage of left on their own fumbling around on a sports field after others have finished a race on sports day.

Saying that, I did pull DS out of school early once for a "doctors appointment" when it was a whole school party that he was unenthused about on the last afternoon of term, and we were travelling that evening. A few hours buffer of quiet time at home helped him adjust and deal with the travelling without meltdowns. He had been burned out with end-of-term-itus for a couple of weeks and generally off-colour. School were fine and raised no quibbles and he got his afternoon mark anyway. No regrets.

CravingCheese · 27/11/2019 19:40

Running through a Powerpoint slide deck in front of 20 bored delegates in a meeting room isn't quite the same thing as getting up on stage to do a song and dance routine.

Sure. But I maintain that needing publically perform and speak as a child did contribute to me doing presentations (whether in school, university or my professional life) with confidence. And without experiencing any undue stress.

ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2019 19:41

Sometimes in life we all have to do things we don't want to do.

I can't think of any situation in adult life when you'd be forced against your will to sing and dance on stage.

If it was a job interview role play, or a day's work experience that the OP's DC was refusing to do, I would agree with you, but as I said upthread, there are enough people in the world who are desperate to make it in show business to make it wholly unnecessary for the uninterested and untalented to get involved.

PreseaCombatir · 27/11/2019 19:41

I would let them, on the basis I wouldn’t do it myself.
Public speaking is completely different to singing and dancing

MatildeHidalgo · 27/11/2019 19:41

Yes - I'd give him the day off. I don't send my child to school to learn to sing and dance.

ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2019 19:42

CravingCheese If the OP's child was merely being asked to speak on stage, I'd agree, but she's specifically said they have to sing and dance.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 27/11/2019 19:42

There are plenty of times in life you have to do things you don’t like. I’d send them in. It’s character building.

TiceCream · 27/11/2019 19:42

An adult giving a presentation after receiving relevant training is not at all the same as a child singing in front of an audience. I was a teacher for years and regularly lectured to 100 students but I would be terrified to stand up and sing.

I wouldn’t make my child get up in front of an audience if he didn’t want to. The stress and panic from stage fright can be awful, he’d probably chew himself to bits over it for weeks beforehand. Not to mention the bullying and humiliation if it went badly. I’d let him stay off for mental health reasons.

BertrandRussell · 27/11/2019 19:43

Fair enough. But presumably not sing and dance on his own? Will there be lots of rehearsal? How will you get him out of that?

Original poster
biscuitsteaandgin · 27/11/2019 19:44

Rehearsal is during tutor time. They will be performing with about 10 others but it’s anticipated a few will miss school that day.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/11/2019 19:44

"Don’t send them
It’s a good lesson that you can say no to pointless shite."

^that.

This has got nothing to do with skills for a non entertainment working life.

People who like to dance, even on a night out, don't seem to grasp that it's excruciating for those of us that don't.