To allow child a day off to miss this?

[biscuitsteaandgin]

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

So OP you'd keep you'd keep your child off school once a week for the whole of the winter term as they didn't want to do PE? That was the only reason for the sickness. Yes, I felt like shit driving to work knowing he didn't want to go in but what can you do?

Not directed at me but just wanted to say that if my child was being sick at the thought of PE and crying I wouldn't just send them to school saying life's not fair. I'd ask the school for some help to deal with it. If try to find the problem and expect the school to help my child feel comfortable in any way they could. I want my children to know I've got their back and to like school. Forcing children to do things when they are literally so upset by it that they are sick doesn't lead to healthy attitudes to sport or good relationships between you and your child or your child and school.

So could I keep my kids off on sports day because they hate sport? Of course not. All kids take part even if adaptations are made due to disability etc

Biscuit, I can see you know the difference between a child not particularly liking something at school and absolutely hating and dreading it. Your child is dreading even the thought of the proposed show. I'm 100% behind you in not sending them in on that day.

Monchat said: Forcing children to do things when they are literally so upset by it that they are sick doesn't lead to healthy attitudes to sport or good relationships between you and your child or your child and school.
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Too right! I wish everyone felt as you do.

Regarding PE, games and all that (which I hated), it isn't the same but I will tell you that kids, as they get older, find ways of skiving off, hiding and not getting caught. Mine was a master at that! He had enough exercise swimming, walking and cycling and has grown up fine, doing well.

School doesn't have to equal hassle.

I completely understand the desire to keep him home and if be very tempted.

It is a bit difficult through as I would be a bit worried though that if lots of the 10 children he is in the group with, do the same, then you leave some children more exposed and having to perform on their own or in much a much smaller group.

Alsoo if the 10 have practiced something together ,.if he doesn't turn up, will it mean the whole thing does not work?

I am a bit torn and I have let DS stay home for the last 4 sports days so I am definitely not of the 'it will do him good to do something he doesn't like' persuasion. .

Would you let them miss a day?

Yes

When I was at school many moons ago, each form had to do a drama competition each term. Everyone had to take part in producing a play to perform in front of rest of the school and judges - but not everyone was acting or singing. The children that loved doing that had a chance to shine, other children could do costumes, props, set painting, prompter etc etc.
It was designed as a team building event essentially.

I think this was a much better approach - if you want to encourage team work (and presumably there is an element of that in OP's DC's competition - teams of ten people) it's good for children to learn that people have different roles in a team and it is sensible to use people for their strengths.

I don't think you'd be 'that parent' (according to MN 'anyone who questions anything to do with their child's education - how very dare they!') if you came up with some alternative suggestions for next year that didn't involve everyone having to sing or dance. Obviously a bit late for this year - your Dc might have to feign a sprained ankle (with visible huge bandage) to avoid the dancing.

""But in the 90s no way would my mum have given me a day off. Kids just didn't have time off back then. I would have had to have skived in secret!**

What a load of rubbish. Your mum may not have met you have the day off but it has nothing to do with the decade!!!. I went to secondary school.in the 70s and 80s and my mother used to very occasionally let me have a day off school. I was a well behaved child who.did well at school but sometimes ( maybe 1-2 times a year max ) I wanted/needed a day off. She let me and it was fine. I never bunked off because I knew if I told my mum I really wanted to stay home he would most probably have let me.

This thread has really shocked me given how many people think it's ok to force children to perform for fun when to the child it is the least fun thing they can think of.

I was that kid who hated acting and performing. I was happy being in the background, happy doing a curriculum related presentation, or a show and tell. But acting? No way. With Sunday school we did nativities and I was ALWAYS the story teller because I was happy to read (and a confident reader at that). But acting/singing in public? It makes me really uncomfortable.

I like choral singing and, occasionally, solos are offered up. I always decline. I've even stopped a rehearsal dead in its tracks when I was pointed at for a solo line mid song because I didn't want to do it. And trying to force me will have the exact opposite effect.

No amount of forcing a child to perform despite their stage fright is going to help them get over it. And it's not as if performing for an audience is important.

Instead focus on their presentation skills, something they will need throughout their school days, during interviews and possibly when employed later in life.

Subjects like maths and English are compulsory for good reason. Fun activities are only fun if the participant finds it fun to do.

Teach kids to be confident by standing up for themselves.

You are being vv unreasonable, it’s part of the school day/curriculum just suck it up and get on with it. What next, letting him stay off exams because it might make him uncomfortable/traumatised? It’s a bad habit to get into, thinking that in life he can just dodge things he doesn’t like or won’t be good at.

Thing is, a lot of schools are run by bullying cunts. Just like a lot of workplaces. If we want to make the world a better place, we actually need to help and encourage our DC to reject this type of bullshit, to refuse to participate. We need to lose the idea that it's somehow better to force yourself to do something upsetting, horrible and pointless just because some bullying cunt says you must. Don't teach your kids obedient conformity, teach them to think about why something is stupid and wrong, and to refuse to play along with it - and reassure them that you will have their back when they do.
A good school would manage such an event sensibly - allowing the DC to participate in ways which utilise their specific abilities and preferences, rather than bullying them to do stuff that is of no benefit to them. This clearly isn't a good school. BTW, OP, do they go in for uniform bullying, as well? Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

If the WHOLE SCHOOL are doing it how does that make them bullying c*s exactly? It’s not like they are just forcing OP’s son to join in to a group activity against his will, is it?

Just to point out:

Pupils should be taught to:

• play and perform confidently in a range of solo and ensemble contexts using their voice, playing instruments musically, fluently and with accuracy and expression

This is part of the National Curriculum at KS3.

As a secondary school drama teacher at ks3 and ks4 some of these comments have made me furious! The messages that you are sending to your children as a parent are wrong on many levels. Yes it’s a musical so performing arts practitioners like myself are going to be pro such an event but the bigger picture has a much larger part to play here (Excuse the pun)!

This, as a member of teaching staff, is an opportunity to bring the whole school together in and imaginative and creative environment. Don’t we (as parents) crave our children to have an imagination of some description did as long as possible? Plus they will all be doing it so they will all be in the same boat. They should embrace the crazy path this activity will allow your kid to embark on.

I am sorry to be one of those preachy drama teachers but I defy you to find any profession where the skills taught in drama and/or events like this are not applicable to every job role and every walk if life! The core skills which can be used are as follows:
Communication
Leadership
Teamwork
Creativity
Listening
Idea sharing
Problem solving
Confidence
Communication
Focus
Drive
Risk Taking

... I could go on. You catch my drift?

Your child needs to be shown a good example and told to suck it up and try! If every parent pulled their kid out of school because they didn’t like something or were a bit shy of whatever the whole place would fall apart.

You people are also the reason why people in the arts have to fight for thei jobs every day. Think long and hard about the message you are sending to your kids when you are bad mouthing what I believe to be an essential part of the national curriculum.

Excuse my poor grammar as I am a sleep deprived mum to a 7 month old and been out the teaching game for 8 months enjoying my maternity leVe!

I would love the opportunity to educate some of you In your ridiculous views so feel free to open that can of worms :)

No wonder poor teachers are leaving the profession in droves for Christ's sake. My kid doesn't like it so won't do it and I won't make them...great attitude.

@Scottabroad

YES!! [frantic applause]

I am sorry to be one of those preachy drama teachers but I defy you to find any profession where the skills taught in drama and/or events like this are not applicable to every job role and every walk if life!

I'm perfectly confident, but I'd go spare if someone tried to force me to perform solo or act. Yet despite that I have a drama degree because I am interested in the subject and love to create things through directing, dramaturgy, design, marketing. But acting? Or singing solo? I'd much rather have a mouth full of ulcers.

I think it’s obvious from some of the responses on here that extroverts have little to no understanding of introverts.

Yes I value the curriculum (I’m a teacher after all). Yes there is a place for encouragement and “having a go”. Yes the arts are important.

However IMO there is a world of difference between tackling a tricky equation in maths and getting up on a stage with 9 others to sing and dance! This idea that everyone should be forced to sing and dance on stage is part of societies bias towards extroverts. Great teaching embraces ALL personality types.

There are kids who feel the same rising panic in maths lessons when they yet again can’t fathom a process. They have to go through this 3 times a week, every single week of every school term.

I experienced nerves, fear, humiliation and dread about my A level French lessons (I struggled with the leap in difficulty and the teacher was a complete and utter bitch).

When I was 11 I helped a boy in my class improve his reading after seeing the visible stress and dread he experienced when we were going around the class taking turns to read aloud.

I experienced nerves so strong that I thought I’d be sick when about to go on stage for the school musical.

I experienced a feeling of dread running towards a high jump pole that I knew I didn’t have a cat in hells chance of jumping over, in front of an audience of the whole class all of whom could do it.

I could go on.

Basically kids are facing things every single day that aren’t up their street. Why do people consider a short group performance as being any different to all the other activities that will make a portion of the pupils deeply uncomfortable.

@Scottabroad - i second that YES!!

Why do people consider a short group performance as being any different to all the other activities that will make a portion of the pupils deeply uncomfortable.

Because its a performance. The very purpose of it is to perform. It's not like all those other things where other people may or may not be paying attention to what you're doing.

But I'd argue against compulsory sports too. 30 years ago I was forced to do the long jump over and over again for an entire PE lesson because I was so bad at it that the teacher was convinced I was trying to take the piss out of her and be the class clown. I wasn't, I was genuinely trying my best. The rest of the class didn't get to have their turn, with most of them pissed off at me for spoiling their fun. So I endured embarrassment, and about a fortnight of no one in the class speaking to me. It didn't magically teach me how to be better at long jump, and it didn't teach me team work and it didn't teach me resilience. I don't draw on the character building nature of it when I have to do a job interview. All it taught me was that it's socially acceptable to mock children who aren't sporty.

Isabelle, I'm so sorry you went through that in PE. In my day those who taught that subject had no idea about how any pupil felt who did not/could not perform. Often such pupils were called, 'lazy', I was.

It's a great pity that we did not have the confidence to be able to say, politely, 'I'm sorry but I cannot comply with this', and walk away. What could they have done if we had? Nothing I suppose. Children are more confident now. Thank goodness!

I mean I was the teen who was good at maths, but not at sports or singing. Sporting achievements and musical talent were frequently celebrated, and it was considered acceptable to laugh at those of us who were tone deaf or had two left feet. Academic ability was never celebrated, and if I’d laughed at those who struggled with words or numbers (not that I would) no one would have thought that was ok. So I just don’t think the comparison is that simple.

Some people are deeply introverted and suffer from social anxiety. No amount of forced performance be it group or solo is going to change that.

Schools and drama teachers banging on about sucking it up and learning resilience need to understand that the introverts will learn nothing except resentment.

We should be teaching our children to have the confidence to say No thanks - that's not for me.

“We should be teaching our children to have the confidence to say No thanks - that's not for me”
What sort of things should they be able to say this about?

If this is aimed at me I would like to assure you we drama teachers don’t just say suck it up at the very beginning of introvert signs. We actually work very hard with your kids to work out what the issues are and put mini targets in place to help them grow and develop at their own place. I am certainly not stupid and do not expect every kid to enjoy drama but I do strive to ensure every student can access a drama curriculum at a pace that is suitable for them and ensure they can happily come into my classroom and ensure my presence for an hour a week for three years minimum. Some of my biggest success stories have been with introverted children. One of my students last year hardly spoke and I questioned why on earth she picked drama but I worked really hard with her she came out with a B. Staff commented on her growth and development as a student and that was down to drama I believe.

I do know what I’m doing and don’t just tell students to get on with it :)