To not want to drive 2 hours on Xmas Eve ?

[Foalma19]

My family (mother and sibling) usually come to us for Christmas. They live a 2 hour round trip away and neither can drive. This means each year DH and I collect them and take them back a few days later.

This year my mother has to be in work for 8am on Boxing day. I agreed to get up early and drive her back so that she could be in work on time and still stay for Christmas. I wasn't hugely thrilled at the prospect but thought I'd suck it up for the sake of family harmony.

However, now it's been announced that my sibling won't finish work on Christmas Eve until 8pm. Neither myself or DH wants to make the 2 hour round trip (plus however long stuck in traffic on the motorway) at that hour on Christmas Eve.

Are we being unreasonable to leave them to have Christmas by themselves?

By way of explanation we have young children so Christmas Eve is pretty busy once they are in bed sorting gifts etc. Going to them is not an option, hence why we always collect them and take them back. I don't know if they could get a train that late and it would take several hours so I don't think they'd be keen. As non-drivers I don't think they really appreciate that a 2 hour round trip can be a pita for us.

So what's the verdict?

[Foalma19]

We both live in separate counties outside of London - but on opposite sides. For both towns the train lines run into London or further into the countryside of the respective county. There are no train routes to get to either place without first travelling into London. That's fairly common if you live in the counties surrounding London - I'm surprised so many people find it unbelievable.

I imagine it's the same for people living on opposite sides outside of most big cities in the UK?

[SafferUpNorth]

How about meeting for Xmas lunch somewhere halfway - sounds like it's central London so you should have plenty of options? That way you do get to see them... and no need to do the long drive, or cook!!

[ReanimatedSGB]

Yup, just agree with them that it's a bit of a shame but you will catch up before or after Christmas. Job done.
Oh, and don't try to push either of them into driving. Driving is not compulsory and they may have perfectly good reasons for refusing to do it.

[Foalma19]

How would they get to Central London though?

[Rubyroost]

By train?!

[IdiotInDisguise]

it doesn’t work for you, your mother or your sibling. I think they may also be relieved not to have to do all that hurried travelling for just one day. It is okay to say, let’s leave it for this Christmas and try to do something fun on x date/next Christmas

[Jinglebulls]

A taxi would cost a fortune over that distance on xmas eve. They would expect us to pay

This, and the fact they expect you to fetch and carry like hired help, makes me think they're incredibly selfish people and your Christmas will be damn sight less stressful if you just say you want a quiet one this year and for them to stay put. Let me guess? ... they are a pain in the arse when they come, aren't they?
And it might give your sibling the kick they need to get off their arse and sort out their own driving.

[Foalma19]

No trains run on Christmas Day.

[Grasspigeons]

Can you go to them for christmas day itself - then its just a one hour drive, some nice times, thrn another hour drive later on. Rather than two two hour round trips.
Otherwise i agree that its not much fun, but if i were picking up on christmas eve id be setting out after the kids were asleep.

[Foalma19]

I answered that upthread.

[BrendasUmbrella]

No, don't bother. Have a nice peaceful Christmas at home with your own family. See them at a more convenient time.

[Foalma19]

Sorry if that sounded rude - didn't mean it to be!

[Dustarr73]

@Foalma19 i think the ops meant meet up either before or after Xmas and meet in cetral London

[charm8ed]

Just tell them it is a shame and then get on with planning your Xmas. It’s not as if either are going to be on their own Christmas Day.

[Hithere2]

No more rides from you ever.

Time for your brothers and mother to step up and manage their own transportation needs.

[Andypromqueen]

God I can’t stand people who can’t be bothered learning to drive and then expect everyone else to ferry them around - my mum and sister are just the same! Needless to say I leave them to it at Christmas - I won’t drive anywhere at all from Christmas Eve until after Boxing Day!

[Janaih]

if you are lucky enough to have time off over Xmas definitely spend it relaxing with your immediate family and not providing a taxi service for ungrateful wider family.
I am a not driver and I would be far to ashamed to accept such a lift. I would get a taxi, and I'm relatively poor.

[Grasspigeons]

Found it! Its a long thread. Its fine not to meet up. You arent a taxi.

[IdiotInDisguise]

Don’t discard the posibility if them being at home trying to work out how to tell you they may prefer not to come this year.

[FizzyGreenWater]

No.

This is where you draw the line I think.

The fact you've said they'd expect you to pay for the taxi to bring them to YOURS to be hosted says it all.

Don't rise to it - say yes that is a shame, definitely far too late/early to do pickups on top of everything else happening on Xmas Eve. One of you guys really needs to learn to drive eh. We'll see you after Xmas, then.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

As a very last ditch attempt you could check and see if anyone is making a similar journey on liftshare? You never know there could be someone making a similar journey who could get them closer to you?

I really don’t see why people keep suggesting to OP that the onus is on her to find ways to get them there. They are two adults to have never bothered to learn to drive and have presumably never seen the need as they expect those who do drive to ferry them around. Given their choices it’s up to them to solve their own transport problems.

[GoFiguire]

Say no. What if you had a car accident on Christmas Eve because you were going to collect them when you didn’t even want to?

[AlexaAmbidextra]

I’m guessing Essex! Only because I’ve never been and a friend described it as the sticks.

Not necessarily. We have very good rail links into London. If though, OP’s relatives live in Cambridgeshire or Bedfordshire then they would indeed have to travel into London and out again. Trains tend not to run horizontally across the country since the cull by Dr Beeching in 1968. ☹️

[Beveren]

They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'. But it's very much being said with the weight of expectation that we will say 'Not to worry we will still collect you'.

Response: "Yes, it is a shame, isn't it. And what a shame you haven't learned to drive as you said you were going to last year. Still, perhaps you could come over some other day."

[havingtochangeusernameagain]

Unfortunately if you are working those sort of shifts there's nothing you can do. I do drive, but I wouldn't be driving anywhere that late at night.

There must be a day coming up in the next few weeks that they can both take off and come and see you. I am assuming (maybe wrongly) that you work weekdays, so if they can both get a weekend day off you could meet then? Or alternatively do you have annual leave you can use to meet up with them?

It doesn't have to be at Christmas, it could be next weekend or sometime in January.

And tell them to make sure they book Easter off now if they want to see you (assuming you want to see them!)

And now I'd take the message at face value - they are sorry they can't come. You just say "yes that is such a shame, when can we arrange to see each other as an alternative" and take it from there.