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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 2 hours on Xmas Eve ?

255 replies

Foalma19 · 25/11/2019 14:11

My family (mother and sibling) usually come to us for Christmas. They live a 2 hour round trip away and neither can drive. This means each year DH and I collect them and take them back a few days later.

This year my mother has to be in work for 8am on Boxing day. I agreed to get up early and drive her back so that she could be in work on time and still stay for Christmas. I wasn't hugely thrilled at the prospect but thought I'd suck it up for the sake of family harmony.

However, now it's been announced that my sibling won't finish work on Christmas Eve until 8pm. Neither myself or DH wants to make the 2 hour round trip (plus however long stuck in traffic on the motorway) at that hour on Christmas Eve.

Are we being unreasonable to leave them to have Christmas by themselves?

By way of explanation we have young children so Christmas Eve is pretty busy once they are in bed sorting gifts etc. Going to them is not an option, hence why we always collect them and take them back. I don't know if they could get a train that late and it would take several hours so I don't think they'd be keen. As non-drivers I don't think they really appreciate that a 2 hour round trip can be a pita for us.

So what's the verdict?

OP posts:
QuarterMileAtATime · 25/11/2019 14:48

YANBU at all

Bibidy · 25/11/2019 14:48

I would say since they will only be there for a day there isn't a great deal of point, although I guess it's actually only an hour away. Perhaps next year they could try and get in early to book at least one of the days off?

Re the train, even if they could get a little bit closer it would be better for you, I would at least ask your sister whether she could get the train for a portion of the journey and then you can meet her somewhere along the way.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/11/2019 14:50

Could they come by coach on Xmas day just for a day trip? It's not your fault their shifts are so awkward.

Wafflecopter · 25/11/2019 14:52

YANBU - Either your mum and sister make their own way or you have Christmas separately. Why should it be up to you every year to sort transport and host? Goodness me.

AJPTaylor · 25/11/2019 14:54

Nope, you would be out 6pm til 10pm Xmas eve..you have kids.

Original poster
Foalma19 · 25/11/2019 14:54

They both work in retail so booking time off not an option for either of them. They have to work the shifts they are given which I completely understand.

RE: trains - they would have to travel via central London so picking them up en route is not an option. There is nowhere closer we could collect them from unless we drive into Central London.

Neither of them have actually asked us to collect them. They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'. But it's very much being said with the weight of expectation that we will say 'Not to worry we will still collect you'.

OP posts:
yearinyearout · 25/11/2019 14:55

Could they come by coach on Xmas day just for a day trip? It's not your fault their shifts are so awkward.

Which coach companies do you think operate on Christmas Day?

Beautiful3 · 25/11/2019 14:57

2 hours?! No, that's too much travelling and too late on christmas eve. You ll be busy trying to put the kids to bed, drinking and putting the presents under the tree. Let them have christmas together this year. But let them now now as they'll need to prepare.

Iloveacurry · 25/11/2019 14:57

Goodness no, just leave them to sort themselves out. Enjoy Christmas with your kids.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/11/2019 14:59

They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'

Just nod and agree.

They haven't asked you to collect them so don't offer = problem solved.

Dustarr73 · 25/11/2019 15:00

Neither of them have actually asked us to collect them. They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'. But it's very much being said with the weight of expectation that we will say 'Not to worry we will still collect you'.

Say yes it is a shame and leave it there.How far from Central London are you,could they get the train and maybe a taxi to you?

Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2019 15:00

Given as they have said that they won’t be able to come, accept it and then turn the conversation about when you will go up to theirs to celebrate.

Bibidy · 25/11/2019 15:00

Ah ok OP, I get it. That's a difficult one as I have worked in retail and it does make things a lot more difficult when there's no chance of taking it off.

I think I would pick them up on this occasion, presumably you could collect them about half 8/9 if your sister works locally to her home? and then you'd be back home by 10 at the latest. I'm guessing if your kids are young they will be in bed by this time.

Obviously it's not ideal but your DH will just have to put the presents out himself. Hopefully if you've already pre-wrapped and labelled then it's just a case of laying them out anyway. Or send him to pick them up and you sort the gifts.

I know it's a pain in the arse but at least you will all have a nice Christmas Day together. Just make sure they know it's the last time that you will do that journey on Christmas Eve and that they need to sort their own arrangements from now on if neither of them will learnt to drive.

CharityDingle · 25/11/2019 15:00

I'd just agree when they say 'it's a shame' tbh. And leave it at that. They can visit at another time instead.

DillyDilly · 25/11/2019 15:01

I wouldn’t, you work, your time off is limited therefore, you have young children and Christmas evening with children is very special. It Might be different if you didn’t have to turn around and do the return route early on the 26th.

Bibidy · 25/11/2019 15:02

OP, is there no opportunity for you to go to either of them for Christmas instead? Rather than ferrying them around and having to get up mega early on Boxing Day to take them back.

Bibidy · 25/11/2019 15:02

Is there a weekend on either side of Christmas where they're both off and couple come then instead to celebrate? I know it's a long-shot if both work in retail though!

willowmelangell · 25/11/2019 15:03

If they have explained they can't make it, just agree it is a shame but there will be other years.
Enjoy your Xmas eve and Boxing Day!

MatildeHidalgo · 25/11/2019 15:04

YANBU but I'd go and get them if I really wanted to spend Xmas Day with mum and sister.

Original poster
Foalma19 · 25/11/2019 15:05

There are no coaches that come from where they are to us even if they did operate Christmas Day. Any form of public transport route requires travel to London and then back out from there. Even a cab part of the route would be ££££ on that particular night.

Anyway I'm glad to see that nobody thinks I'm a heartless cow.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 25/11/2019 15:05

Don't fall for the dripping of hints. Agree that it's a shame, but make plans for another time to get together, that suits everyone. If you offer, you'll kick yourself as soon as it's out your mouth. Don't do it!

BiasBinding · 25/11/2019 15:05

OP I note you also said YOU would be ‘expected’ to pick up the bill if they got a taxi....even though you’d be hosting them?!

For goodness sake, WHY?

Time for separate Christmases this year. Stay strong. Don’t give in to this weight of expectation.

AlwaysCheddar · 25/11/2019 15:07

They are taking the Mickey. Xmas eve was always frantic once kids were in bed. Just say no!

Popetthetreehugger · 25/11/2019 15:08

How about leaving it super late ? Leave yours at 10 ? Roads should be clearer . No hanging around , they will be ready to jump in ... home by midnight ... not ideal , but you don't miss any time with DC .

eddielizzard · 25/11/2019 15:08

They're already saying what a shame it is they can't come. Great result! You can commiserate, and maybe they'll appreciate you a little more next year.