To not want to drive 2 hours on Xmas Eve ?

[Foalma19]

My family (mother and sibling) usually come to us for Christmas. They live a 2 hour round trip away and neither can drive. This means each year DH and I collect them and take them back a few days later.

This year my mother has to be in work for 8am on Boxing day. I agreed to get up early and drive her back so that she could be in work on time and still stay for Christmas. I wasn't hugely thrilled at the prospect but thought I'd suck it up for the sake of family harmony.

However, now it's been announced that my sibling won't finish work on Christmas Eve until 8pm. Neither myself or DH wants to make the 2 hour round trip (plus however long stuck in traffic on the motorway) at that hour on Christmas Eve.

Are we being unreasonable to leave them to have Christmas by themselves?

By way of explanation we have young children so Christmas Eve is pretty busy once they are in bed sorting gifts etc. Going to them is not an option, hence why we always collect them and take them back. I don't know if they could get a train that late and it would take several hours so I don't think they'd be keen. As non-drivers I don't think they really appreciate that a 2 hour round trip can be a pita for us.

So what's the verdict?

Could you have them over on one of the weekends prior to Christmas instead? Have a nice meal, exchange presents, etc? Then have actual Christmas Day with just yourselves. It might just be for the one year anyway - their working patterns might be different again next year.

This is a reason why public transport shouldn't; stop for Christmas. I've often wondered how the heck people who work Boxing Day get to work if they don't or can't drive - answer: expensive taxis. Not good enough.

It doesn’t matter if no trains are running!

They are not coming. Break the habit of fixing everything and just accept that they’ve said they aren’t coming and you aren’t going to get them. If they outright ask, prime yourself to be ready to say you can’t, as they already said they weren’t coming you’ve made plans.

How many years have you been doing this ? I think you need a break .

Why is this your responsibility to look into trains or other transport? It is theirs.

This is what happens when you choose not to drive.

Have a lovely Christmas! Maybe now your sibling will learn to drive.

Pfff I don't drive. Not that I can't be bothered, just that I don't want to and I'd rather relax and let someone else - 99% public transport before anyone thinks I also take the piss with lifts. My dad often insists on lifts when it's 100 miles+ when I'd much rather get the train. Took my youngest to Newcastle last week, 3 trains, 2 metros and a bus! think he loved the travelling the most!

I think they're being CF. I'd never give up xmas eves with young kids, they'll be teenagers before we know it and all the magic and innocence will be gone. Boxing day I don't even think I would so I think you're a saint!

They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'

So it’s already sorted. You don't need to broach anything. Just agree with them that’s it’s a shame

I would say that I am sad they cannot make this year but there is always nexts. Then have a relaxing Christmas just you and your immediate family

Could you not have a delayed christmas so you can all have a christmas together maybe on the 27th or similar?

Please try and remember that it's their schedule changing Christmas. You were able to accommodate the early start on Boxing Day. They haven't asked you to accommodate the late finish but acknowledged they can't come.

Wish them well. Enjoy your Christmas.

Have a pretend Christmas a different weekend if you really want to.

It’s wrong that they expect you to do all the running around. Your children should come first and Christmas’s eve at their ages is magical and not to be missed

I am sure trains will be running, if they don’t want to take the train ( and pay for it) then they can have their own Christmas at home and you start a new tradition

It's a pain doing that much travel every year. Say it's a shame you can't manage it, reconsider it this year. Really it should be reciprocated so you get a year off hosting. If they make you run around and/or pay for travel every time, that's quite selfish.

They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'

You reply - yes what a shame, if only one of you could drive life would be so much easier for you, still never mind, we can do presents when we next meet up instead!

Don't feel guilty! Have a wonderful relaxed Christmas with your children and no running around after others!

It's a shame their shifts haven't worked out to enable a family Xmas but you and your children shouldn't have to suffer because of it. It's not you're problem to sort out. Driving late on Xmas Eve and early on Boxing Day is too much to expect you to do. Phone them both on the day to wish them Happy Xmas and then enjoy the day with your children. You're entitled relax too tegarless of how you've obviously been made to feel in the past.

You reply - yes what a shame, if only one of you could drive life would be so much easier for you

Perfect, it might make them think.

Enjoy a nice glass of Mulled wine with your DH instead.

They’re together, so it’s not like you’re leaving them alone - I’d stop worrying.

If your DC are at the 5am waking age then you really don’t want to mess around with lifts when you should be relaxing and enjoying yourselves. Enjoy the break this year!

your not you're (before grammar police tell me off)

regardless not tegarless 😬

If there's no public transport at all on Christmas Day/ Boxing Day (I haven't checked), they cannot even come to yours separately.

YANBU
That saves you from driving ridiculously early on Boxing Day!

Can't they come and visit for New Year instead? Or the weekend? Transports will be back then.

Why can't your sibling go & spend Xmas with your DM

You spend Xmas with your family

Or

Your all have Xmas day together on another weekend when it's more convenient
My family have celebrated in January, due to work commitments in the past

I think how you should be thinking about this is that if it had been a priority for your Mum and your sister, they’d have co-ordinated their shifts by swapping to make sure they were making it easy for you.

They didn’t, so it’s clearly not enough of a priority for them for you to put yourself out when they haven’t seemed to.

Dear mum, thanks for letting us know your shifts, collecting you that late on Xmas eve doesn't work at our end sadly. We'll pop up after Xmas to swap, perhaps we could have another Xmas meal at yours to extend the fun? See you soon.

Then they can host you for a change.

I can't believe that they would expect you to pay for a taxi, especially when you are hosting.

OP feel no guilt whatsoever, you are not responsible for making their arrangements, they are adults.

I feel sorry for your sibling and mother that they have to work late/early over Christmas. Sounds horrible.
All I’d want to do is collaspe in my own home Christmas Eve.

Say no and make it easy for them.

Neither of them have actually asked us to collect them. They are saying 'oh it's a shame we won't be able to come because of our working hours this year'. But it's very much being said with the weight of expectation that we will say 'Not to worry we will still collect you'.

So don't say that say 'oh yes never mind'.

There are no train routes to get to either place without first travelling into London. That's fairly common if you live in the counties surrounding London - I'm surprised so many people find it unbelievable.

That used to be the case, i can now get from the midlands to brighton or hampshire with one change.

Could you not have a delayed christmas so you can all have a christmas together maybe on the 27th or similar?

So cancel Christmas Day for the DC to make things easier for 2 adults?