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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I BU or blowing this out of proportion?

170 replies

MrsGarland · 24/11/2019 23:54

Full disclosure, DH is nice to the point of being a pushover and SIL is, in my opinion, controlling and bossy.

We live in the same area as PILs, who are in poor health. SIL has also moved in the last few years to be closer to her parents. SIL is quite obviously the favourite and takes the piss massively with PILs in all the usual ways. She likes to be the centre of attention and resents any of the other siblings having the spotlight - when you look back at key family events, you can link them to the SIL drama running parallel.

I am on maternity leave with our first child. DH works long shifts where he is on his feet for hours at a time. We live in a property which is charming but rickety, it was long term neglected and we have been doing it up while I've been on maternity leave - workmen etc in and out, having to negotiate taking the bins down a long driveway covered in rubble with a baby in the sling, that sort of thing. Not a big deal really, but I had a difficult recovery from birth, still am not 100%, baby is a shit sleeper and I haven't sat on the sofa eating biscuits nearly as much as I would like.

So on Fridays SIL works for a few hours in the afternoon. She works three afternoons a week. DH also works Fridays, however he works a short shift and is home by 4. SIL works 1-5.

SIL has taken to phoning DH and asking him to go round and put her heating on for her, so her house is nice and toasty when she comes in from work. DH, for a few weeks, did this. At first it didn't really sink in, then one week he had barely set foot through the door and she was on the phone reminding him. Bear in mind I'm alone in the house for much of the week and doing bedtimes as well. He did it another few times, though agreed it was ridiculous. Then two Fridays past, I'd had a shocker of a day. I went out with the baby and came home to find the washing machine leaking, the cat had been sick, the baby pooed everywhere... One of those days. I could have cried. I ran around like a headless chicken, turning on my OWN heating for God's sake, and by the time DH got back I only just had it under control and was desperate for ten minutes peace, just to have a wee and a cuppa. SIL made her usual phonecall as I was regaling DH with my tales of woe, and I'm sorry to say I lost it, told DH that SIL was bone fucking idle and that he was a mug who needed to think about his own wife and baby, who had come back to a soaking freezing house while his sister stepped into her door in comfort. I have never felt rage like it, I could have killed both of them.

So DH went very quiet, but he did agree with me and he told SIL that no, he didn't have the time. SIL just went "OK fine" but the next Friday (this past one) MIL phoned and asked DH if he could nip round and put SILS heating on as she wasn't feeling well and had Sils children and it would save her loading them in the car etc. MIL has chronic fatigue but dances to SILs tune to, imo, the detriment of her own health. DH nearly fell for it, but he saw my face and told MIL that he was busy with his own family and it wouldn't kill SIL to put on her own heating and be cold for half an hour.

SIL is now in a massive huff with us (pointed Facebook vaguebooking, being off with DH when he dropped in to PILs today) and now I'm second guessing myself. On one hand, I still think she's a spoilt cow, on the other hand I think, it's only 20 minutes out of DH's day and it's doing a family member a favour? I don't know if it's hormones, but then I think of how much I've struggled at times with the baby and the house, and how DH's family have been nowhere to be seen and I want to scream at the.

OP posts:
literategiraffe · 24/11/2019 23:58

YANBU!

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 24/11/2019 23:58

Why the hell doesn't she have a timer for her heating??

She's ridiculous, and so is your DH for doing this.

user1471449295 · 24/11/2019 23:58

Can’t she put her hearing on timed? Confused
I agree, don’t dance to her tune. The spoilt brat

user1471449295 · 24/11/2019 23:59

Heating I mean

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 24/11/2019 23:59

YANBU at all!! She’s a cheeky cow! Why can’t she set her heating on a timer? Hmm or turn it on low before she leaves for work? I actually can’t believe she is that clueless. Is MIL doing it for her on the days when DH is working long shifts?

Kathulu · 24/11/2019 23:59

Is your SIL incapable of setting a timer. You're not BU, she's being a brat.

1Morewineplease · 25/11/2019 00:03

I can’t believe what I’ve just read in your post!
Really???

lolacola1875 · 25/11/2019 00:05

I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to do this for me tbh, sounds really odd - even odder than their mother is involved. My brother would think I was pulling his leg if I asked him to do this and he's only down the road.

lolacola1875 · 25/11/2019 00:06

Sorry, no I don't think YABU! And I can imagine how stressful all that was the other day, hope you're alright!

Frenchw1fe · 25/11/2019 00:06

Sil is a cf.

MrsGarland · 25/11/2019 00:06

She's wary of using the timer for some reason, I think she thinks it will blow the house up or something. She always shares every dodgy white van sighted/this imaginary virus will kill your phone think on Facebook, to give you an idea of her level of rational thinking.

I don't know if mil has been doing it.

I told a friend in RL and she thought sil was a CF but my inlaws are always going on about family, and how they'd do anything for the family. Since having my baby I feel it's more like everyone should do everything for sil

OP posts:
SocksRock · 25/11/2019 00:06

Smart thermostat. Took me about half an hour to fit mine and now I can turn it on from my phone if I'm going to be home early.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/11/2019 00:06

Do none of you have a timer for your heating? Totally bizarre.

messolini9 · 25/11/2019 00:06

If she has central heating, she has a control panel to auto-set her heating times. Ask DH to teach the silly bitch to use it - or to programme it for her.

While you're at it, teach your DH the words "what did your last butler die of?" & ask him to repeat them to SiL next time she tells asks him to nip round & put her heating on.

In a massive huff about not having someone go out of their way to call at your home to put your heating on for you - a someone who has a full time job, a wife, kids, & his own home to look after?
She's a real prima donna. Sounds like the whole family have enabled her princessey attitide. But that's not your problem - you can rise above it so long as DH remembers to rise with you.

NearlyGranny · 25/11/2019 00:08

Why is SiL the only one who mustn't be cold and tired and inconvenienced sometimes? Is she secretly a fairy princess?

MrsGarland · 25/11/2019 00:10

Fuck I'm almost a bit teary at strangers on the Internet agreeing with me. I was starting to think I was being really mean,because it was obviously no big deal to them and DH would be doing it without question if I hadn't put my foot down. I moved out and lived alone from s very early age, so I'm used to being extremely independent and I never ask for help. So sometimes I find it hard to judge

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 25/11/2019 00:10

She doesn't have family, does she? She has staff...

Oldishusernewname · 25/11/2019 00:12

Holy shit, YAsooooNBU!

MrsGarland · 25/11/2019 00:12

We actually don't have a timer for our heating due to it being eighty million years old and half fucked, we're getting a new one in the spring

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 25/11/2019 00:13

Why do you read her crap on FB?

73Sunglasslover · 25/11/2019 00:13

Oh my god. No you are not being unreasonable!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/11/2019 00:15

I can't believe you thought you were being U about this. SIL is a brat and no mistake!

The timing of this renovation isn't great- especially if you are the independent, stoic type. It's MN so I won't give you a hug but are you getting any rest time in the week? It sounds pretty knackering to be fair, even without the bad days.

NearlyGranny · 25/11/2019 00:15

If she were a wheelchair user this might be more appropriate, but I guess you'd have said if there were any physical or mental issues that meant she needs careful supervision. I think DH's family have between them normalised this level of entitlement and indentured labour, but that doesn't make it normal and it doesn't make it right.

LegArmpits · 25/11/2019 00:15

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read! Of all the YANBUS I've seen over the last ten years, this is the easiest. Give me her number and I'll tell her to fuck off.

Feelingabitashamed · 25/11/2019 00:17

Bloody hell, YANBU. What next, will she be ringing round asking relatives to come and run her a bath?

If she really doesn't want to use the timer, I second PP re smart thermostats. DH could send her a link on how to install and use.