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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I BU or blowing this out of proportion?

170 replies

MrsGarland · 24/11/2019 23:54

Full disclosure, DH is nice to the point of being a pushover and SIL is, in my opinion, controlling and bossy.

We live in the same area as PILs, who are in poor health. SIL has also moved in the last few years to be closer to her parents. SIL is quite obviously the favourite and takes the piss massively with PILs in all the usual ways. She likes to be the centre of attention and resents any of the other siblings having the spotlight - when you look back at key family events, you can link them to the SIL drama running parallel.

I am on maternity leave with our first child. DH works long shifts where he is on his feet for hours at a time. We live in a property which is charming but rickety, it was long term neglected and we have been doing it up while I've been on maternity leave - workmen etc in and out, having to negotiate taking the bins down a long driveway covered in rubble with a baby in the sling, that sort of thing. Not a big deal really, but I had a difficult recovery from birth, still am not 100%, baby is a shit sleeper and I haven't sat on the sofa eating biscuits nearly as much as I would like.

So on Fridays SIL works for a few hours in the afternoon. She works three afternoons a week. DH also works Fridays, however he works a short shift and is home by 4. SIL works 1-5.

SIL has taken to phoning DH and asking him to go round and put her heating on for her, so her house is nice and toasty when she comes in from work. DH, for a few weeks, did this. At first it didn't really sink in, then one week he had barely set foot through the door and she was on the phone reminding him. Bear in mind I'm alone in the house for much of the week and doing bedtimes as well. He did it another few times, though agreed it was ridiculous. Then two Fridays past, I'd had a shocker of a day. I went out with the baby and came home to find the washing machine leaking, the cat had been sick, the baby pooed everywhere... One of those days. I could have cried. I ran around like a headless chicken, turning on my OWN heating for God's sake, and by the time DH got back I only just had it under control and was desperate for ten minutes peace, just to have a wee and a cuppa. SIL made her usual phonecall as I was regaling DH with my tales of woe, and I'm sorry to say I lost it, told DH that SIL was bone fucking idle and that he was a mug who needed to think about his own wife and baby, who had come back to a soaking freezing house while his sister stepped into her door in comfort. I have never felt rage like it, I could have killed both of them.

So DH went very quiet, but he did agree with me and he told SIL that no, he didn't have the time. SIL just went "OK fine" but the next Friday (this past one) MIL phoned and asked DH if he could nip round and put SILS heating on as she wasn't feeling well and had Sils children and it would save her loading them in the car etc. MIL has chronic fatigue but dances to SILs tune to, imo, the detriment of her own health. DH nearly fell for it, but he saw my face and told MIL that he was busy with his own family and it wouldn't kill SIL to put on her own heating and be cold for half an hour.

SIL is now in a massive huff with us (pointed Facebook vaguebooking, being off with DH when he dropped in to PILs today) and now I'm second guessing myself. On one hand, I still think she's a spoilt cow, on the other hand I think, it's only 20 minutes out of DH's day and it's doing a family member a favour? I don't know if it's hormones, but then I think of how much I've struggled at times with the baby and the house, and how DH's family have been nowhere to be seen and I want to scream at the.

OP posts:
MrsGarland · 25/11/2019 00:18

She's a single parent, which I get is hard, but her ex is fairly decent and pays well/has the kids.

I don't know why I thought I was BU.... Because I cope well with everything, so I suppose they were thinking of poor struggling sil, and how it's a small thing to do and Mrs Garland copes so well, she'll be OK...

I'm bloody exhausted

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 25/11/2019 00:21

Who cares she’s a single parent?! A chilly house for half an hour at best is not going to kill her or her children. She is INSANE. You are so far from unreasonable you can’t even see unreasonable in the distance.

Purpleartichoke · 25/11/2019 00:22

I can control my heating from my phone from Anywhere in the world. Now that has some up front costs, but a regular thermostat is cheap. Next time she calls, I’d be tempted to send her a link to a solution. N

LaBelleSauvage · 25/11/2019 00:24

This whole situation is insane. YANBU.

Will she come and put your heating on for you too? Maybe you could ask her to prep the veg for supper and do some hoovering while she's at it? And perhaps give the cat an antiemetic..

ReanimatedSGB · 25/11/2019 00:26

She needs a good kick up the twinkle. Or at least a reminder that she is not the centre of the universe and can sort herself out.

theemmadilemma · 25/11/2019 00:26

WTF? That's ridiculous.

TwiddleMuff · 25/11/2019 00:28

Yeah, this is batshit and your husband is a pushover. I cannot imagine a scenario where I (or anyone I know) would ask someone to do this for me on a regular basis.

messolini9 · 25/11/2019 00:29

Give me her number and I'll tell her to fuck off.

Grin Grin Grin

yuiop · 25/11/2019 00:33

Holy shit 😂😂 she needs her heating switched on for her so her poor tootsies don't get cold?! Is she the fucking queen? She's having a laugh.

Start calling your sil/pil and asking for ridiculous stuff. 'I've been out with the baby and I must have cut up fruit ready the second I get in, can you go round and cut it up?' 'I need a warm bath ready, I feel achey, please go run me a bath for 4pm'.

IdblowJonSnow · 25/11/2019 00:34

Yanbu. Absolutely definitely not!
Cheeky fucker!
Dont engage with it and stick to your guns. Your poor dh has grown up with this shit, glad hes seen the light!
Now, go and eat more biscuits Grin

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2019 00:34

Blimey, who puts her heating on in the mornings before she gets out of bed, Father Christmas?

Bunney2020 · 25/11/2019 00:40

Being there for your family means being there in times of hardship, being supportive when struggling etc. Not bowing down to a princesses every whim because she’s too fucking dense or lazy to use her heating system. Keep that food firmly pressed down lady, don’t give her an inch!!

NoSquirrels · 25/11/2019 00:45

Who puts her heating on for her the other 2 days a week? The mind boggles!

Tell your Dh to go round there next Friday, set it to come on every week at 4.45pm and give it no more thought EVER.

What a fucking entitled princess. I think my SIL can be a bit of a selfish cow sometimes, but seriously ... why did her last slave husband quit?

pinkstar01 · 25/11/2019 00:45

Wtf? Next time she asks send her a link to Nest thermostat! We have it and we can control our heating from anywhere! It's bot your responsibility

WantToBeMum · 25/11/2019 00:46

Maybe SIL would also like someone to wipe her @rse for her too? Wink She's only at work 1-5 FFS, she can have the heating on in the morning, switch it off when she goes to work, when she gets back later put it back on. The house will not freeze in those four hours. YANBU, she is being a ridiculous attention-seeking drama queen.

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 25/11/2019 00:56

This is GOBSMACKING
You are definitely, in no way, being unreasonable!
And your husband is an idiot for indulging this for even a minute.

Dollymixture22 · 25/11/2019 00:58

This is one of he most bonkers things I have heard.

I am more angry at your husband than anyone else.

Suggest to mil that she buys sil a nest or hive remote control for Christmas. Sil (or any of you) can pop ting on from the app. There is also a very easy to use timer.

Sil needs to grow the fuck up

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 25/11/2019 01:09

She needs a good kick up the twinkle

Omfg. I laughed so hard I actually have small tears in my eyes. I am going to use this in real life as soon as humanely possible.

She really does need that though. Congrats Op on not having told her to fuck off already, the useless conniving lazy twat.

Hodge00079 · 25/11/2019 01:26

She is an entitled so and so.

If she is favourite you/DH will be the bad guys. Where will it end? If he does this she will probably ask for other unreasonable things.

She does not like timers so she accepts a cold house. She needs to take responsibility for her choices.

I know with family it does not do to add up what they do but I am betting if you/DH asked SIL for something she would not rush in to help. Perhaps you should ask her if she can pop by before or after work to put your bins out.

It is only twenty minutes but this could be spent with you and baby. What if it is longer because he is stuck in traffic. Is she going to expect DH to do this in bad weather? Who knows how long it would be in bad snow.

Not liking timers is not reasonable for DH to put himself out like this.

As much as my family love me if I asked them to do this they would quite rightly tell me where to go.

morriseysquif · 25/11/2019 01:29

Your DH is a walkover and a mug, your DSIL is a total bitch.

But I love this ray of sanity in all of this
I haven't sat on the sofa eating biscuits nearly as much as I would like.

Bless you for that. Grin

HoldMyLobster · 25/11/2019 01:37

Perhaps you should ask her if she can pop by before or after work to put your bins out.

Please do this then tell us how she replied.

Tillygetsit · 25/11/2019 01:37

Get those biscuits out and dont give that lazy madame a second thought. Bloody hell, OP. I'd have kicked her up the twinkle too 😂

PixieDustt · 25/11/2019 01:38

Corr she's a bit entitled isn't she?!
You're definitely not BU!

Is she going to break a nail turning the knob to put the heat on.
If my DP did this I'd probably wet myself laughing as he would be a total pushover Grin

sobeyondthehills · 25/11/2019 01:43

I dont have a clue to work my heating system, I have a DP to deal with it, if it gets too cold, I chuck on a few blankets, because you know, DP will deal with it.

If I didn't have a DP I would read the instruction manual and chew off my own arm before asking someone else, especially someone who has a new baby

LovePoppy · 25/11/2019 01:47

“Do everything for family”

What do they do for you?!

Jeepers

She needs a timer, or just have her heat to Come on it it gets colder than x degrees.

My heat comes on at colder than 17