To get rid of DD's bedroom

[hedgehug]

Oldest DD is in her mid twenties, she moved out nearly 7 years ago and is living in a different part of the UK. I currently live in quite a big 4 bedroom house, 3 bedrooms for my two younger DDs snd I and my oldest DD's old bedroom that she still uses when she comes to stay. Which is only really at Christmas and the occasional few days here and there. I'm wanting to move next year and I'm considering moving to a smaller house, 3 bedrooms so that younger DD's still have their own rooms. Oldest DD isn't happy because she won't have her own bedroom anymore. I can see why it might be annoying around Christmas, she usually stays for about a month and the bedroom is useful during that time but it's hardly used the rest of the year. We would have figure out a new arrangement for her coming to stay but I think it could work

I’m not sure my bed was even cold before my parents moved my brother into my room and made his into a guest room. It felt a bit shitty but I was in my 20s and no longer lived there so I get it.

Give her a bit of time to get used to the idea, and show her how you would still accommodate her. She needs to know you still want her to stay, that she is still part of the family.

Would she share with one of her sisters, or would you put a sofa bed in another room?

Yes do it.

She stays for a month at Christmas and also at other times? Keep the room.

If you want to downsize then that's totally up to you. I stopped having a room at my parents when I moved out at 17.
I think if the downsize is needed and saves monies etc then why not. To be honest I see no reason for you to keep DDs room... She's mid twentys. My parents would laugh at me if I suggested such a thing.

She needs to get over herself. She hasnt lived there for 7 years and a big grown woman as is. For the odd occasion that she does come home, she can share. Does she think you are going to keep her room as a shrine to her.

Just do it. My mum did that too me, I was miffed for a while but I understood eventually

How much longer will she realistically come and stay for a whole month over Xmas??? Surely she will be finished with education soon and working. Not many jobs allow for a whole month off in one go.

Your oldest daughter is totally unreasonable. Does she have a bedroom for you at her house? If not, then you shouldn’t feel obliged to have one for her. She is a fully grown adult acting like a child.

I totally understand why she feels sad at the idea, but she will need to get over that. She does not live with you any more and although she will always be welcome to visit, you do not need to provide a room that is 'hers' in your house for ever.

Oldest DD isn't happy because she won't have her own bedroom anymore.

Good grief - she is in her mid-20's! Unless she is keeping a 4-bed house herself, purely so that you & her siblings can have a bedroom each when you visit, she is being very immature & entitled.

Tell her sure you can stay in your current 4 bed, purely to accomodate her whims. And that you're sure she'll be happy to contribute 25% of the monthly mortgage & bills costs, so that she can keep 'her' room reserved just for herself.

& back in the real world - move into the house YOU want as soon as you wish. Your priorities should be yourself, & the two younger kids - you know, the ones who didn't move out SEVEN YEARS AGO & don't live in another part of the country.

Ah it's the last step of moving out really isn't it? She'll get over it.

I moved out and my parent moved the bed from that room to another so they had two spare rooms with furniture placed how they wanted it. I have a draw in a unit for my stuff if I leave things there or if they have something for me to take when I visit and I stay in the larger spare room which was never actually my bedroom

Your daughter is completely unreasonable. My DC have never had their own bedrooms. It is ridiculous to expect a room kept aside for when you have permanently moved out.

Your daughter is being unreasonable.

The general idea is she'll either share or a sofa bed. Obviously I still want her to feel welcome but it's been a long time since she's lived here. She is working, she has a job that allows her to take that time off but thinking about it she might have a family of her own in a number of years then there won't be a space or as much time for her to stay for as long or things might change for other reasons, it's probably not something that will last forever anyway

Is there a financial imperative to do this? Personally I'd try to have a room for my daughter as long as I could. My home will always be her home.

If you absolutely need to do it for financial reasons then explain that to her.

I moved out many many years ago! Once i had gone, my parents re-did the now spare room!

I own a house, so hopefully i wont ever have to move back home, but i know if i need it i am always welcome! she needs to get over herself sadly!

she has moved out, she is not quite a guest but she gets that sort of treatment regarding the room!

It's not her home, she should either have to go on the sofa/floor or stay at a local hotel/B&B.

The day after my parents dropped me off at Uni, they were moving all my bedroom stuff out. It didn't bother me - they were tight for space and needed the room.

She's mid-20s. She needs to get over herself.

She’s being totally unreasonable. She’s moved out and is an adult although she isn’t behaving like one right now. I never understand parents keeping bedrooms for grown up children. It’s bizarre.

What is driving the move? If you need to cut costs then that is the reality and DD will have to come to terms with it. If you don't need to move to cut costs then I would keep the room.

Ours have all moved out and if we were to move I wouldn't prioritise the extra bedrooms for visiting DC but I would want to be able to accommodate them for visits along with their own additions with some flexibility in any house.

My dad helped me drive my things to my apartment so he could set up his cinema room that day in my old bedroom

I would just make sure you have an adequate bed somewhere in the house but an entire room isn’t that necessary. She’s being unreasonable

I am 52 and my parents still have "my room" in their house. I love it and my parents day they do too; knowing that I have my base there. My son uses it when he stays with them and I think we all value the history. So I understand your DD's reticence. Remember, that it is probably not just the room, it is also the association with home.

Of course, downsizing is often sensible from a financial and upkeep perspective. We live in a rambling old place that will one day be too much for us. My son says that he dread that day and hope that he will get to see his kids playing in the garden before that happens.

Obviously you want her to feel welcome when she comes to visit as that’s the family home. If you need to move for financial reasons, then find alternative arrangements for her when she comes to stay in the new home (extendable sofa in a different part of the house or a log cabin in the garden if space and budget allows for it).