To get rid of DD's bedroom

[hedgehug]

Oldest DD is in her mid twenties, she moved out nearly 7 years ago and is living in a different part of the UK. I currently live in quite a big 4 bedroom house, 3 bedrooms for my two younger DDs snd I and my oldest DD's old bedroom that she still uses when she comes to stay. Which is only really at Christmas and the occasional few days here and there. I'm wanting to move next year and I'm considering moving to a smaller house, 3 bedrooms so that younger DD's still have their own rooms. Oldest DD isn't happy because she won't have her own bedroom anymore. I can see why it might be annoying around Christmas, she usually stays for about a month and the bedroom is useful during that time but it's hardly used the rest of the year. We would have figure out a new arrangement for her coming to stay but I think it could work

but I don't think they need their own dedicated bedroom.

And that's absolutely fine, I personally think if you don't need to utilise it or downsize for any reason it will be nice to always have a spare room for them to come and stay.

It's just a waste of space.

Again obviously if that is your mindset then yes get rid of it, but I don't think the Daughter is being unreasonable to be upset that's it's going. I don't think it's a waste of space.

When you’re an adult and you visit people, you don’t expect to be put up in style! You either sleep in a temporary bed/sofa bed/floor or you pay for your accommodation in a hotel.

I can't say I know anyone who would invite people around and make them sleep on the floor!

The world some posters live in is always something else

Everybody is free to turf out their children of course

don't moan when they stop visiting though! Why should they bother if you are making it clear they are not welcome, or why should they waste money to pay for a hotel unless you live in a decent holiday resort...

The world some posters live in is always something else grin grin grin

Gosh, yes. The horror. Some people cannot afford to maintain a guest bedroom with matching towels and and en suite.

my parents still have the 3 bed home they did when we were growing up there were 5 kids when i went to uni the beds were re jigged and then again when my sisters went to uni
Now it is arranged as 2 guest rooms one with bunk beds for grandchildren and a double room for anyone else decorated in my parents style so we are always welcome but they are not the rooms we had as kids ( we always shared rooms) so 1 week in summer it might be DH and I and DD, another week it might be my sister and her family
I think so long as there is a bed for the DD that has left home ( maybe which ever of your other DD that has the biggest room will share with DD25 when she returns) it is only right in a 3 bed that the 2 kids actually living there and OP each get a room and the DD that comes for holidays shares when she comes, it is not like she only gets a tent in the garden as OP has 3 daughters some sharing over Christmas is fine

But there’s a huge difference between redecorating a room so it’s more general for all visitors to have a space and getting rid of said space altogether. Do it so long as you’re okay she probably will only stay a night or so in future?

When you’re an adult and you visit people, you don’t expect to be put up in style! You either sleep in a temporary bed/sofa bed/floor or you pay for your accommodation in a hotel.

Some people have guest bedrooms...

I personally don't mind sleeping on a comfortable-ish bed sofa for a night or two (or three). But I would not sleep on a sofa for a month. And the OP's DD may feel the same way.

Which is her right and the OP will need to accept that her dd will probably visit less often and won't stay as long as she currently does.

When you’re an adult and you visit people, you don’t expect to be put up in style! You either sleep in a temporary bed/sofa bed/floor or you pay for your accommodation in a hotel

Not style, no. Comfort though. And yes, we do often pay for our accommodation in a hotel. But that obviously means we visit less often, because we can’t afford to. And that’s fine, it is what it is, but it’s obviously something to think about.

We are considering downsizing, now 2 of 3 kids have moved out. They will always have a place to come if they need it but it might not be own room en-suite facilities! You ANBU. She's an adult and you need to live the at you want to.

Get a sofa bed, and downsize if you want.

I'd only been gone ONE WEEK, I went back to see my parents and my bedroom had been made into a second sitting room!! Bed gone. Bedroom furniture gone. Completely redecorated.

Its your house.

She's moved out she needs to get over it. She's a big girl now 🙄

yes Vanhi it can only be one extreme or the other, either a private wing or a sleeping bag on the communal landing.

I should make my kids read some of the threads on this forum, they have no idea some people are so cold and brutal!

Google Murphy beds. Hopefully you can find a place with a study or a large hall or some extra small space that will fit a Murphy bed for her.

Not many adults go ‘home’ for a month!

We can't wait to downsize
One already gone, another in the very near future, and one still dependant.
We want a two bed so any of them can come and stay, I'm not keeping their bedrooms once they're gone. I find that a bit weird tbh, but each to their own.

We visited my grandma as a family of 3 because we loved her, not because she had a spare room-she didn’t. We slept on her living room floor with fold down beds etc. Some very happy memories and grandma wasn’t forced to live in poverty to fund a large property for our visits!

I still have my childhood bedroom, but I live abroad and visit my parents 3 or 4 times a year for 2-4 weeks at a time (including a month at Christmas!). I'm married now with a toddler and one on the way so there's no way I'd do this if we had to sleep on a sofa bed in the dining room...

It depends how far away DD lives and potential partners/kids in the future, and how you're planning on celebrating Christmas!

Ah the snowflake generation.

Jeez the thought of my grown up DC moving back in for a month at Christmas! No thanks.

I suppose it depends on how much you want to/need to downsize. If you need to then go ahead. She has no claim on a room. She's an adult. If not now, when in her mind? What about when she is 30? 40? Forever???? If however, you don't need to downsize, you may want to consider if you will want a spare room to allow for her family (when she has one) to stay in. But that is something for you to choose and decide, not her.

Well, unless she's paying you rent to keep this room for her so that she can use it once a year for a month I can see absolutely no reason why you would feel obliged keep it there for her.

She's not a child she's an adult. I assume, has a home that she's lives in the rest of the year.

It's perfectly reasonable to expect to live in the sort of house you want to live in and after seven years of living in her own home I think she's got more than a bit of a cheek to try to dictate how and where you live.

Does she keep a dedicated room for you to stay in in her house?

lilgreen I adore my dad, that’s why I’d like to visit him more often. But 5 of us, including 2 under 6 and a baby, sleeping in his lounge, meaning none of the children could go to bed until all the adults went to bed... it’s not feasible. Of course it’s absolutely his decision as to his living arrangements and I would never say otherwise, all I’m saying is that the consequence is that we see him less often. That’s all.

don't moan when they stop visiting though! Why should they bother if you are making it clear they are not welcome, or why should they waste money to pay for a hotel unless you live in a decent holiday resort

Don't be ridiculous. I visited my parents regularly after I left home and had lovely close connected times with them but slept where was convenient for them to put me up. I didn't expect them to maintain a personal bedroom for me after I left home and into my twenties - I was a grown up and expected to be treated like one. I got put up when I came to stay but in a space that worked for them

Hey, how about inviting your parents to stay with you, because obviously you keep a dedicated room for them, no?