To get rid of DD's bedroom

[hedgehug]

Oldest DD is in her mid twenties, she moved out nearly 7 years ago and is living in a different part of the UK. I currently live in quite a big 4 bedroom house, 3 bedrooms for my two younger DDs snd I and my oldest DD's old bedroom that she still uses when she comes to stay. Which is only really at Christmas and the occasional few days here and there. I'm wanting to move next year and I'm considering moving to a smaller house, 3 bedrooms so that younger DD's still have their own rooms. Oldest DD isn't happy because she won't have her own bedroom anymore. I can see why it might be annoying around Christmas, she usually stays for about a month and the bedroom is useful during that time but it's hardly used the rest of the year. We would have figure out a new arrangement for her coming to stay but I think it could work

Ah it’s a tough one. Like ‘Bluntness* I’d hope I always have room for my children to stay. We used to stay at my dad’s all the time with the DC, but he remarried and his new partner has teenagers so they have all the spare rooms now including my old bedroom, which means we can obviously no longer stay. Obviously it had to happen but it is sad for us!
Unless there’s a financial need then I wouldn’t do this.

My parents removed all my gear, handed it to me and changed my room to a spare. I had a flat and that was my home.

She is being ridiculous as others have said.

My DSs are currently in Uni, one living at home and the other away. Of course I will keep them a room until such time as they complete their studies and move away (or help them to get a place of their own if possible) but DH and I are staring down the barrel of retirement and we don't want to keep as big a house. So the intention will be to move to something smaller as soon as we can. They don't need to have a permanent bedroom so feel welcome and when they already live elsewhere.

A few months after I moved out for good, my parents put their house on the market and moved 3 hours away. I was fine with it. I knew I was always welcome at their new home, but didn't need my own bedroom as I had my own home. I'm sure she will be fine once she has got used to the idea.

I'm 34, married, with two children. I still have a room at my parents. It's especially useful when we all go to stay at Christmas - all four of us sleeping in the living room on the sofas would be a pain in the arse.

What is driving the move? If you need to cut costs then that is the reality and DD will have to come to terms with it. If you don't need to move to cut costs then I would keep the room.

I think that’s a bit ridiculous. Should the OP forever have a 3 bed house just in case the grown up dcs get pissed off/want to come home from their own homes? I wouldn’t expect it.

I agree you should not take your daughter's wishes into consideration - she has moved out.
But, equally, you may need to accept that she will probably start visiting and staying less than she currently does if she doesn't have her own space in the same way.

Haha good luck OP. I'm nodding sympathetically along with you on this one. Me and DH's still have our bedroom downstairs in the dining room. We now have 2 empty 'shrine' bedrooms upstairs and neither DD is eager to relinquish their childhood bedroom. We have decided we are moving next year and for once in our lives me and DH will come first in the pecking order and get the biggest and the best bedroom.

My parents still live in the family home but our bedrooms are no longer our rooms! Pre family if I ever went to visit I would stay in my own room but it had been redecorated so wasnt my room anymore!!
Once I had my own home my teenage belongings were returned to me as I had space to store my own crap they had enough of their own
Your kids grow up, leave home - they need to get over it!

I think your daughter is being unreasonable.

When I moved to uni my sister moved straight into my room and I got the small bedroom for when I went home. I thought it was unfair at first but obviously it was the opposite of unfair and was completely fair to my sister.

I only moved home from uni for 1 year before moving out again and it was quickly turned into a spare bedroom.

My mum said that when she married my dad her mum and dad redecorated her bedroom into an office the day after she married my dad (her and my dad bought a house together just before they got married but didnt move into it together until the day after their wedding)

If you need to downsize, then it's fair enough!

Otherwise, it's very weird.
I find it so weird all these people who have been turfed out the minute they turn 18 or started Uni. Most of my friends still have a bedroom in their parents house, unless there was a financial issue. It means it's still home, you are welcome to visit pretty much any time, and your own kids end up in your room when they stay with their grand-parents.

It's such an odd family relationship when you are no longer welcome and you don't want to visit!

My parents converted my bedroom to a home office when I was in first year of uni. I don't know if I'd recommend it but it certainly made me independent. No way back.

Just make sure there is a bed for her (sofa bed or pull out in one of the other girl’s rooms) so it’s clear she can still visit when she wants?

The thing is, a lot of people are saying their bedroom has been turned into a spare room and that’s fine with them. But this is slightly different isn’t it? It means there’s still a room for you to stay in if you visit, it just doesn’t have your childhood stuff in. There won’t be a spare bedroom in the OP’s new house.
I’m not saying the OP is being unreasonable, it’s entirely her choice, but the fact is the daughter will probably visit less. That’s what has happened to me, there is no longer a spare room at my dads so I and the children can’t stay there. It is what it is, but I hope I’ll be able to keep rooms for my children to stay in when they’re grown up and have their own families.

Yep, she's being ridiculous. She doesn't live there any more. I know I wouldn't have wanted my parents to be paying out more money if they wanted to downsize just so I could have my own bedroom to stay in a couple of times a year. Seems a bit selfish.

I am a single parent and a low earner so when DS moves out I will be downsizing to a one bedroom place. He will always be welcome there but I can't afford to continue paying for an extra bedroom that will barely be used on my income.

She moved out 7 years ago? Frankly I think it’s weird that you haven’t re-designated her room by now.

Me and DH's still have our bedroom downstairs in the dining room. We now have 2 empty 'shrine' bedrooms upstairs and neither DD is eager to relinquish their childhood bedroom.

My brother moved into my (bigger) room the day I got married, aged 20. There was no way back!

Those downsizers on Escape to the Country usually sell their medium size house and buy a huge one with 2 acres, so that all the family can stay at Christmas. Madness!

Me, I finally got rid of DS1 when he was 25, I fumigated his room and chopped his bed up the same week.

She moved out SEVEN YEARS AGO?

Bloody hell.

Move house. Tell her to grow up

My girls shared a room 'til DD18 moved out to uni. DD17 is enjoying the space, but understanding that DDnow19 will be home for Christmas.

Not everyone has the luxury of a "spare" room - would do as you wish OP.

Can’t believe some posters on here. So everyone should keep their children’s bedrooms available no matter how old they are, even if it’s not convenient to do so?

No wonder MN is full of stories about grown up children who refuse to behave like adults. There are more ways to make people feel welcome than needing to keep a shrine bedroom for them.

If you were staying at the same house then I'd say you should keep her bedroom but if you are moving then buying a house with an extra bedroom that isn't essential doesn't make financial sense. Is there a reason that your DD thinks she will have to come and live back at home?

Mine is a similar age to yours but is still in education so I know she will be coming back home to live when she's finished so I'm making sure we will have a bedroom in our new home for her but if she was working and had her own established home it would be different.

So everyone should keep their children’s bedrooms available no matter how old they are, even if it’s not convenient to do so?

No not at all, people do what’s right for them. I’m just saying that it will probably mean she doesn’t visit so often, as this is what has happened to us. Due to that, I hope that I will be able to keep rooms available for my children when they move out.

My parents still have the 4 bed house from my childhood.

When I moved out they moved sis and bro 'up' a room and I went in box. (I worked seasonal so came home for short periods inbetween) Box became storeroom when I moved into own place and when sis moved out bro went into biggest child room and middle child room became an office.

That room has remained a double room/guest room. I don't ever use it but neither has as he lives an hour away.

I didn't think any of us would ever expect our parents to not downsize as technically we all still have a room there.

Maybe new house does need a diner or something though that can become her bedroom for the month she stays?