To get rid of DD's bedroom

[hedgehug]

Oldest DD is in her mid twenties, she moved out nearly 7 years ago and is living in a different part of the UK. I currently live in quite a big 4 bedroom house, 3 bedrooms for my two younger DDs snd I and my oldest DD's old bedroom that she still uses when she comes to stay. Which is only really at Christmas and the occasional few days here and there. I'm wanting to move next year and I'm considering moving to a smaller house, 3 bedrooms so that younger DD's still have their own rooms. Oldest DD isn't happy because she won't have her own bedroom anymore. I can see why it might be annoying around Christmas, she usually stays for about a month and the bedroom is useful during that time but it's hardly used the rest of the year. We would have figure out a new arrangement for her coming to stay but I think it could work

I am chuckling at the thought that kids won't bother to visit because you didn't keep their bedroom. That just says you've done it wrong as a parent imo.

I'm 36, married with DC and and still have my room at my mum's!

gamerchick we do bother to visit, as much as we can. It’s expensive to stay in a hotel, so it isn’t as often as we (or he) would like.

@Ginger1982 it’s not the fact you have one, it’s the objecting to a parent downsizing. Read the thread.

@lilgreen I have read the thread actually 🙄

Like most parents, i love my children and will help them in every way I can for as long as I can. However, I'd really hope that in their mid 20's and living away for 7 years that they wouldn't be wanting to spend a month living with me. Much as I'd love to see them, I'd hope that they had stuff going on in their own lives such that they'd be coming for the occasional weekend and otherwise calling and catching up etc.

I appreciate that all DC are different though but I think at this point, OPs priority needs to be to herself and he younger DC. Maybe this will be the push that eldest needs to may her own way in life?

My room at my mum's is still exactly as it was when I moved out in 2001, I went back for 6 months when my marriage ended & regularly stay for odd weekends. I will be staying again at Christmas. My brother's bedroom however has been taken over by my ds who has claimed it for himself, he has been staying with my mum for the last few months since we lost my dad in January this year. My mum loves having him there, it gives her a routine & company.

In that case @Ginger1982 what was your point?

don't moan when they stop visiting though! Why should they bother if you are making it clear they are not welcome, or why should they waste money to pay for a hotel unless you live in a decent holiday resort...

I still visited my parents after they rented my room out. It was legally their room and they needed the money. I understand why they did it.

gamerchick we do bother to visit, as much as we can. It’s expensive to stay in a hotel, so it isn’t as often as we (or he) would like

So it's punishment for not keeping your bedroom?

My point was that I like having my room at my mum's. I've stayed quite a few times and it's nice to be able to go 'home' if needed. But my mum doesn't feel a financial need to downsize so I suppose if the OP does then she should do what she needs to do.

Sorry I didn't set it all out the way you obviously wanted me too. Didn't realise you were the post police.

*to

Not at all, where did you get that from? If we could afford it we’d go more often. I actually quite like my dad , and love spending time with him. As I said, it’s a shame we can’t go more often.
Literally all I was saying is that as we can’t stay there, we visit less often than we’d like to because hotels are expensive. As I’ve said in every post, it’s his decision, I’d never kick off about it, and it is what it is. But an unintended consequence is that we can’t visit as often.

In fact gamerchick did you even read the bit you highlighted?

we do bother to visit, as much as we can

Nothing to do with setting it out how I’d like it, you stated a fact not an opinion on the op, which I what the thread is about. I take it from your update that if your mum wanted one bedroom less for whatever reason, you wouldn’t throw an adult strop? In that case, we are in agreement.

No I wouldn't throw a strop but I suppose in a 'little girl' moment I would feel a bit sad about it, but I think that would be more to do with the house being sold overall rather than losing a room.

I was in boarding school when my parents moved house and they didn't bother having a bedroom for me in the new house. I felt very excluded but then I was only 16 and really should have had my own space. I kind of get it but what does bother my sister and me is that WE don't have an exclusive room each Mum's house but my youngest sister and brother do. No-one is ever permitted to sleep in my youngest sister's room whether she's there or not and if my brother is visiting, he gets dibs on "his" room even if there's a full house with all the grandkids staying. My youngest two siblings no longer live at home either so it seems unfair to me and my sister that they appear to have greater status than us! Even though we range from 50-38 so really should all be over it! 😂

Downsize and get a Zed Bed or sofa bed for the lounge/dining room or one of her sisters bedrooms maybe, she'll have to share with one of her sisters

You need to downsize for financial reasons. She's an adult and should understand that. End of discussion unless she's going to pay rent

When I left home my parents moved house the following week so I never had a bedroom at home again as the family home was no longer there. It did feel a bit odd but it didn't occur to me to complain as it was entirely up to them. Surely parents of adults can move house when the want?

My parents downsized. (I'm 45) it's not really practical to visit so we don't. They come to us but were moaning that no one ever goes to see them. They don't seem to have joined the dots. It's your choice either way but would think someone would be unlikely to sleep on the sofa for a month.

I’m did this when DS1 was 24, it just felt the right time to begin the next stage of my life.

Only thing is, she'll soon have a partner or even kids and you might want them to come round and visit. The 13 year old will be grown up before you know it as well. And if you want them to visit for more than a day, you'll need a guest room. So I'd say keep a guest room to host them properly. It doesn't need to be her room (that would be ridiculous), re-decorate it and have as a guest room.

If there was no financial need..I wouldn’t..not yet
There’s a room for her to stay and bring her partner and children
My friend lives alone and rattles around a three bed house
All her family , three children live in London.
She’s in ne
The amount of times they hot foot it up the M1 to see her, they’ve practically created their own ley line.

Come Christ and they all come home with grandchildren in tow..it must be standing room only

Christmas