Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

go and pick up your step son and take him out for a hot chocolate and a cake and let your dh feel human again

Bugger that, it's down to him to sort his son out. He's been a twat for doing what he's done, but to go from a normal marriage to leaving him in a few hours is extreme. Mumsnet marriage guidance for you.

Go see Anna and Elsa with your daughter. You'll have a giggle. Afterwards go for pizza, or ice-cream..or pizza AND ice-cream!

He's been a dick. But dwelling on it is only going to piss you off this morning. Mooch around. I assume he's in bed. Make yourself tea and toast and watch old game shows for a few hours. Then get ready to go out.

Do not in any way shape or form contact his ex. If she can't get hold of him and contacts you tell her you are out.

Not your mess.

I would be picking up his son taking him for chocolate!! Jeez some people.

I’d be telling him he had better be getting his star sorted to go get his son. This behaviour would also be a dealbreaker for me.

You know what I'd do?? Literally peave him to it for the day. You have a child free morning and I know you feel crap, but take yourself out. Go for a coffee, cinema on your own. Leave him to deal with the consequences of his ex when he can't collect his son.

Take the morning to yourself. You deserve it xxx

As much as I feel for the OPs stepson it’s not her job to go and get him. It’s his dad that’s letting him down, the OP has planned a day with her DD.
Not sure why they all aren’t going to the cinema though.

His child and he have contact arrangements so father and son can have family time together and build their relationship. This is not time out for the child's mother; it is not bonding with SM time; it is not OP's problem or responsibility.

OP is getting an unflattering preview of how her own unborn DC will be treated by its father further down the track.

OP, if any sort of pattern emerges, you will have some difficult decision making to do.

So sorry.

How far gone are you in your pregnancy OP? Just wondering as if it’s very early days I wondered whether you felt you had any options other than having the baby. Not to be drastic, just thought I’d ask. This is very concerning behaviour and it’s worrying it’s happened while you’re pregnant, he cheated on his ex, his story doesn’t add up, there are already three children involved and so forth. Seems like things have moved at a galloping pace if his son is three and you met him a year after he broke up with his ex and you’re already pregnant.

@NoSauce it's just me and my eldest daughter because she's struggling at the moment and needs quality time with me on a one to one basis. She's been planning this for over a month. We do family things too.

Thanks everyone for your advice and well wishes. I'm off to blow dry my hair for as long as possible right outside the bedroom

Please make this a deal breaker. You will regret not doing this down the line

He's clearly cheated on you

Not sure why they all aren’t going to the cinema though.

Because maybe the step-son is a young 3 and wouldn't manage sitting still and quiet for that long. Or maybe the OP might be looking forward to some one on one time with her daughter. Not everyone has to be included in everything.

Go and have a nice day with DD. Obviously what happened needs addressing though but for today put it to one side.

His mess , his problem .
If you went and go the child, there would be no repercussions to his actions.
Bet he calls and says he is sick.

I feel so sorry for his son but you can't alter your plans. I would be harassing him out of bed and into a taxi though, I can just imagine how disappointed his little boy will be.

He clearly doesn't care about you, your feelings, your children or your pregnancy. Awful behaviours

Blimey, what an arse! I'd wipe the floor with him

I would just get on with my plans if l was you. Your husband chose to get drunk last night and then possibly let his child down. You being pregnant doesn’t not make it a dealbreaker, in your shoes l would not expect more from him -not less. Imagine if you had got blind drunk and gone AWOL last night because you felt like it?!

Perhaps I'm just a bit paranoid because I'm conscious of the fact I need things to not be going wrong now I'm expecting a child with him

Quite the opposite I think. I think you’re embarrassed and minimising because you’re pregnant & it’s dawning on you that you’ve replaced your ex with another bloke JUST the same.

I think you need to get him out of your home & get yourself sorted as a single parent and forget about men for a while🌷

Don't let being pregnant prevent you from doing the sensible thing and getting shut of him. Why tie yourself to him? You and your children deserve better.

If I wasn't pregnant I think this would be a deal breaker.

It should be more of a deal breaker as you're pregnant.

It tells you that no, having real ties and responsibilities make no difference to this guy and he will treat you just as he treated the mother of his son.

You've been there, you know how it goes.

You could just - just - make the argument that he's his own unit, you and he are boyfriend/girlfriend, it's his own life, if you weren't pregnant with all that goes along with that in terms of committment, responsibilities.

I am not telling you anything you don't know. You were strong enough to get rid of one arsehole. Don't do it again. All that will happen is that you will regret the wasted time and really really regret the effect on your children.

He doesn't give a shit. Or about his son, really.

Don't go near picking up his son and starting to turn into the home drudge who wipes up his shit. You may as well just say, green light to continue.

I think there's some over-reaction on here.
He has been an absolute arse, and you need to calmly and firmly communicate that you are beyond unimpressed and he cannot treat you with such disrespect ever again.
BUT, I would wait until he has got rid of his hangover - you will never get the response you want if he's feeling shit and grumpy.
And no, absolutely do NOT step in to dig him out of the hole he's in regarding collecting his son. Actions have consequences. Don't listen to those on here saying you're punishing his child - he's doing that. If you stat off down that path, you'll be creating years of problems down the line.
Distance yourself today.

Oh the typical my phone died, the non messaging excuses
I think he’s cheated especially as he has form for it ! Sorry OP

Sorry for my typo. Meant to write: l would expect more from him -not less

This behaviour is a massive red flag, He has been up to no good or at the very least been hugely disrespectful to his sick pregnant partner. He’s got form for cheating too. Take care of yourself.

So the ole man got drunk, did the right thing and didn't drive, and his phone dies. He was probably celebrating the fact that your pregnant, and acting dumb. Pick up his son and go and see Ice Age together, that sends the right message to every one, and his poor 3 year old, who has no fault in this may get to see dad when he's sober.
Enjoy yourself.