Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

If your dh does not have form for this I think you should treat him how you would like to be treated.

Sometimes nights out occur without prior thought. I'd go and pick up your step son and take him out for a hot chocolate and a cake and let your dh feel human again

If I got into a state by accident my dp would make me a bacon sandwich and let me have a sofa day.

Do you think he has cheated?

Op, this sounds harsh, but you need to sort this out, this weekend. If this is BEFORE baby, after baby will be worse. Where was he and who with? And why the utter disrespect at a) not coming home to his pregnant partner and b) not keeping you updated?

This for me is a deal breaker. It’s not even what he’s been doing, it’s the total disrespect for you and your unborn baby.

I'd go and pick up your step son and take him out for a hot chocolate and a cake and let your dh feel human again

So the OP has to cancel her plans because her partner is a pillock?

If I got into a state by accident

If you’re an adult you don’t get into a state by accident.

Absolutely do not collect his son. You will start a pattern of covering for his awful behaviour. What he did will have to have consequences otherwise it will happen again and again. It’s no coincidence that this has happened while you are pregnant and “trapped” with him.

Yeah if it's a one off I'd make his life miserable today, make it clear that you're not well enough to be picking up after him and you don't believe his bullshit. When he's ready to be an adult and tell you the truth and deal with the consequences like one then you'll have more time for him.

If it became a pattern that's a whole different story.

Please go and get his son, it's not his fault and it could be upsetting why his dad hasn't got him, be angry at him but don't let the kid suffer

Do you think he has cheated?

It's the first thing I thought.

Maybe he hasn't, but if it's out of character then something out of the ordinary happened.

Just asking because OP said she has been told a bullshit story and things don’t add up.

If I wasn't pregnant I think this would be a deal breaker. I feel so disrespected. I think I'll leave picking up his son, he needs to face the consequence and I don't feel like covering for him. His sons mum will go nuts.

He's presumably prepared to let his child suffer.
I agree I'd do it too but the op cannot cover up for her partners deficiencies as a parent in the long term, if that is the case

What a dick.

I really hope he hasn't cheated. But I am suspicious

How old is his son? Is there a reason he can’t go get him in a taxi?

I wouldn’t get his son. He does need to feel the consequences. At this early stage - Pre children - if the op starts this game she is going to be stuck with this enabling role.

It’s awful for son but that’s what happens when dad goes awol like a 15 year old. There are consequences.

You're pregnant and now he thinks you're trapped and will therefore tolerate his shit behaviour - so DON'T. He can taxi to pick his child up, you get on with the plans you already had. Don't start covering his arse or you'll be doing it forever more

OP if he has never done anything like this then he could be reacting to stress of something in his life and had a bender OR has just had a one night stand?

As he doesn't have form for this I think I'd be worried, not just because of baby on the way.

His son is 3.

I feel disgusted in him. I've got children of my own, I left their dad for precisely this reason. This is the kind of stuff I get angry at my ex for when he lets my children down. What a mess

The OP says he does not normally do this. Unless there is a huge drip feed I'm assuming he's usually a nice decent bloke.

Sometimes as an adult I have gone out for one drink with a friend and it has turned into a 'proper' night out. It wasn't planned, it occurred naturally.

If my dp was a dick to me about it I wouldn't be impressed.

My dp has done this once, he went out for a couple - I woke up at 7.30am without him there, rang him and he was pathetically grateful and stranded in a village. I picked him up, he had a shower and went to bed for the day. He hasn't done it again - he's an adult not my child and I understand shit happens sometimes!

I don't understand why someone would be a twat to someone they loved to teach him a lesson. They're not your child or possessions - and it's a one off. I'd let it go and be nice, knowing that when my couple of drinks turns into more on the odd occasion my DP would be nice to me and happy that I had enjoyed myself.

Dealbreaker for me. It's not about being controlling, it's about having respect for your partner - especially if you have children together (or you are pregnant). Sorry you're having to deal with this shit OP.

Try and look at his phone? Absolutely let him go get his son and get on with it.

In OP's shoes, I wouldn't pick up his son for him. DP is probably not fit to look after him and OP has plans of her own. Let son's mum go nuts. DP has to see the consequences of his irresponsible and disrespectful behaviour.

Oh no this sounds a real mess.
I’m not surprised you feel disrespected.
If you decide to forgive him you need to make your expectations clear going forwards.

I wouldn't collect his son. It's supposed to be access time with his dad, but what good is he going to be if he's in that state. Let him deal with his ex today and explain why he won't be able to collect him. Go out and go whatever you has planned to do. He knew yesterday he was collecting his son early this morning. He knew at 8pm, 10pm, 2am etc.

I wouldn't be sorting this out your him and making soothing noises. If a mother had access with her child and went out the night before, got rat arsed, didn't come home and then showed up the next morning in a sorry state and posted here saying she wanted her partner to collect her child she would be given a bollocking.

He's a big boy. Let him deal with the consequences of his own behaviour. If he didn't have his son today it might be slightly different. But he has something very definite to do today they should have been a priority in his head last night.

Ignore dumb comments encouraging you to let it go.
He lied about coming home. He knew he would need to collect his young child and has let him down. He's a waster.