Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

Fucking hell people it is nit op’s responsibility to get his son. She isnt his staff! Ffs he was out ALL NIGHT WITHOUT A WORD! This is not normal behaviour in a normal relationship. Of course she shouldn't act like it is fine. Of course she shouldnt let him believe she will deal with his responsibilities when he can’t be arsed.

Carry on with your plans op.

But dont let this go. Dont forget that nothing adds up so he must be lying.

No excuse for not letting you know, none.

I’d be making his hangover a lot worse! 🤬 I’d have been so worried about him, but my worry would turn to anger when he turned up complaining about a hangover. Inconsiderate bastard. He’d get both barrels.

If you have contact details for his sons mum I’d get in touch and tell her what’s happened and that he’s in no fit state to be looking after a child & that unfortunately you have other plans.

Carry on with your plans for the day.

Depending on history & his behaviour later on I’d seriously consider leaving him. Not because he had a night out, but because he stayed out, didn’t let you know & is only concerned about his gang over this morning, not about you or his DS.

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I wouldn't be sorting this out your him and making soothing noises. If a mother had access with her child and went out the night before, got rat arsed, didn't come home and then showed up the next morning in a sorry state and posted here saying she wanted her partner to collect her child she would be given a bollocking."
So true.

The child's mum presumably has plans for the day as well. He is screwing over both women by acting like an irresponsible teenager

Have you namechanged for this @princessconsuelabananahammock2?

Stand your ground OP. Leave him to it today. Don't cover for him, don't look after him, do nothing to make his life easier.

If this is a one off, then I'd suggest once he's pulled himself together and you've had more time that you sit him down and give him one chance to tell the truth sober.

If you still smell BS, I'd be calling it out right there and then.

I don't buy that he hasn't behaved like this before, if that were true then you would have assumed something happened to him for him to be ignoring the messages and not contacting you. At least be honest to yourself, if this is a pattern then it's an awful one. I'm sorry he's put you in this position, but you need to have a serious conversation with him about what you expect from him so this doesn't happen again. If you believe he's cheated then that's a whole extra level of shit.

And don't collect his son, he needs to be capable of looking after him. What a sad excuse for a man that he doesn't care enough about his son to have been looking forward to their day together, poor kid. That would be the bit that would give me the most concern, but I don't know what you can do about it other than point out how it looks to the child and to others.

Carry on with your plans and let him sort himself out, including what to with his son today. He will have to have an awkward conversation with his ex, not you.
Go out for the day and enjoy yourself and wait for him to grovel later. I hope this is a one off, definitely not what you need when pregnant (or anytime).

@CalleighDoodle yes I have.

Why did you namechange?

Where did he say he spent the night?

I'm so so so annoyed and now feel incredibly vulnerable. I'm annoyed at myself. There will be no chance for us to chat about this because the children will be around.

Please go and get his son, it's not his fault and it could be upsetting why his dad hasn't got him, be angry at him but don't let the kid suffer

OP is suffering herself though, she's got pregnancy sickness. OP also mentions she already has children - in the plural - and who's going to keep an eye on them? You just know that once she's collected him, DP will ask her to entertain him while he sleeps it off. Thus ruining any plans she might have and giving her extra work.

So stand firm OP - this is not your responsibility. Do not be guilt tripped.

@CalleighDoodle why does it matter why I name changed?

My friends are on here, I don't want them recognising anything, I'm embarrassed enough as it is without my friends knowing.

He said he fell sleep at his mates house

OP owes zero explanation for NC. Hope you're ok op despite your selfish twat of a partner

When someone shows you who they really are - believe them.

He's reckless and irresponsible and has shown you clearly that he doesn't prioritise his children. You'd be a mug and a fool to stay.

Oh dear. It doesn't read well.
I hate to write it but some men cheat when their partner is pregnant.
His dc is 3. Did he cheat on his ex ?
I wouldn't collect his dc. No enabling.

Can you let his ex know the situation so that she can at least help the son out. Agree he needs to face the consequences but I feel sorry for his son, who is too young to understand.

I wouldn't collect his DC. If nothing else, he is in no fit state to look after a 3 year old.

He stayed out all night. Lied about where he was and has ignored his responsibility for his son. So this is either an epic one off of poor behaviour that he is very remorseful about and you would assume wouldnt repeat, or there have been a small
Build up of behaviours that would suggest it will get worse. Namechanging made me
Wonder what youve said about his behaviour in the past.

Name changing always matters as there is always a back story. Life isnt just one event.

My 'D'P is like this, it started when I was pregnant, it's intolerable and I have a lot of sympathy for you OP. Men think they've 'got you' once you're pregnant and that you'll let bad behaviour go because you won't dump them while expecting their child. It's manipulative and horrible. I'm almost certain my partner cheated, but I had no proof so stupidly let it slide.

Did he cheat on his ex? Why did they split up?

He did cheat on his ex. Met me a year later.

What the hell do I do now. I'm up the duff for god sake!

Not quite the same but my ex was an alcoholic. He had weekend access with his kids who were 8 and 3. He often got too wasted the night before and was in no state to collect them, so I did. They didn't enjoy their weekends with him because he was hanging out of his arse and could barely function.

I wouldn't collect his child either. This one is on him, HE is the one letting them down and if you collect his child, you're covering for him. He needs to grow the fuck up and act like a parent. God only knows how he'll act once your baby is here.

What makes you suspect cheating OP?

Were you planning on being out today anyway? Take some time to think OP. If he's doing this whilst you're pregnant, what hope do you have of love and respect with a newborn baby wiping out all of your time, energy, sleep and money.