Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

Go out and do your plans and focus on your children. Leave him to deal with how he feels and his son

Then talk when sober and take it from there

I have got into states unintentionally before.

But not since I’ve had children.

Even in a state I’d expect a text or a call - it’s ridiculous to not make any contact at all.

How long have you been together? Do you think this is a ‘one off error’ or he’s starting to show his true colours?

I’m guessing that you’ve been together a relatively short time given his son is only 3 - this might be the start of him showing you what he’s like so beware.

@Calleighdoodle stop going on about the fucking name change.

OP stick to your plans and let your partner sort out his son.

I have to say I’d wonder why he’s lying. You think he’s telling you a bullshit story this morning, and this bit sounds made up

Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon

Name change as much as you want

How is your relationship otherwise?
If it’s the first time he’s done this, I would be having a really serious conversation with him and making it clear that if there is ever a second time, it’s game over.

He's obviously lying about why he was out all night without a word.

Question now is what you do about that.

Sorry OP.

Hi I just want to offer you a hand hold. Please try and focus on yourself. I know this is a mess and you need to deal with it, but firstly try and give yourself some headspace. You need to keep calm for your baby. Can you stay anywhere else for a break from him until you are calmer?
Sorry if this has already been suggested!

Sorry OP. You should be being looked after when suffering pg sickness and given rest not having to lose sleep stressing at night wondering where dp is and now also wondering what to do about dp not being able to pick up his son.
This is not fair on you.
I’d say try not to think too much or make long term decisions at the moment (easier said than done!)
Focus on what you need today. Can you go out, meet a friend, or do a bit of shopping if feel well enough?
You need to start priorititsing yourself, pg sickness gets worse with tiredness and stress and if he isn’t making the effort to look after yourself you definitely need to get in this habit now.
It’s sad that he has let his son down as well as you but that is between him and son’s mum.
Look after yourself and bump and I hope he gets the message he needs to sort himself out to care for you all properly.

If it would be a dealbreaker if you weren’t pregnant, it should be a dealbreaker if you are. In fact, it’s more disrespectful precisely because you are pregnant.

Sorry, OP. My ex began messing me around when I was pregnant with our first and I stupidly minimised it. I believe it’s common for abusive men to escalate once they have you “trapped”.

You aren’t trapped. The choice is yours.

Seriously it's not like he does it every weekend! Or if he does that changes everything which op isn't saying?? You're punishing his child by not collecting him. And of course he wouldn't make sense of he's still drunk, wait till he sobers up and then ask him.. but tbh for someone who this wasn't a normal occurrence I'd be firstly thinking something has happened makes me think he always does this to the OP.!!

Our relationship is normally fine, he generally treats me really well.

I suspect cheating because it's so out of character. We've all took a few drinks too far, had more than we expected, but I have NEVER not gone home. Perhaps I'm just a bit paranoid because I'm conscious of the fact I need things to not be going wrong now I'm expecting a child with him.

You're punishing his child by not collecting him

Absolutely not.

The only one punishing his child is the father.

You're punishing his child by not collecting him.
Yes, blame the pregnant woman who has been waiting at home all night worried sick. Could place any blame on a man now could we. Christ alive.

@Imjustsolost initially I was concerned something had happened. Then he messaged me saying his phone had died but that he'd be back soon. So then I kind of knew what was going to happen.

*couldn't

You're punishing his child by not collecting him

The OP is not punishing anyone. This is not her fault and not her doing. At all. The only person at fault is her partner.

Her partner is not in a fit state to look after a child and the op already has plans for the day. If she picks up the child she will then have to care for him most of the day too. Should she have to cancel her plans to cover for her excuse if a partner? Do you know what the op's plans are? Maybe they are important to her.

The partner, I assume, is but some teenage kid who might be excused poor behaviour, albeit with consequences. He is a grown man who knew he had responsibilities. The only person in the wrong here is him.

Too many people on MN are quick to excuse a man's poor behaviour regarding unplanned and unexplained overnight staying out, being out of contact and heavy drinking. I'm not sure I've ever read about it being the other way round on here despite being on MN for going on 15 years. Strange that!

q

Sorry I disagree I'mjustsolost when you say to the OP ". You're punishing his child by not collecting him."

No the OP is not. His Dad couldn't be bothered to be in a fit state to collect him. His responsibility. Nothing to do with the OP.

I'm not punishing the child! I do more than my fair share of pick ups/drops offs for him!im knackered, feel ill and have a child free morning. The plan was to mooch around this morning before taking my daughter to see the new frozen film this afternoon. Now I just feel stressed and annoyed

He's got to sort this out himself no matter how hungover. Sorry he's been such a prick princess

You're punishing his child by not collecting him

Absolutely not.

I agree, the partner is letting the child down by getting into a state where he can’t collect or presumably look after him. His DS is not the OP’s responsibility. He should feel the consequences of his night out and face disappointing his ex and DS.

go and pick up your step son and take him out for a hot chocolate and a cake and let your dh feel human again

Oh ffs sick of people making it the woman's responsibility to mop up a man's awful behaviour. Let him face the consequences of his actions.

Poor you OP. It's despicable behaviour you have described. I wish you well

Don't get his child. Not in his interests surely.
Don't make any hasty decisions either. Going from everything fine to leaving over a night when he was out on the lash seems a little extreme.

He sounds like a twat. I would be suspicious too.