They didn’t tell us

[angrymumof6]

I found out last week that sil is pregnant with baby no6. This is good news. This morning my dp found out that she had her baby last night. Everyone else in the family already knew except us.
We both feel really hurt by this and we are wondering what we have done to upset them?
We thought we had a decent relationship if not a very close one. We always make the effort to visit them a few times a year but they never come here, saying we don’t have a garden and it’s too much with 11 kids in total. So we haven’t been this year. And they obviously haven’t come to visit us either. For context my dp is not British and comes from a culture where the younger ones visit the older ones(dp is the oldest).
Aibu to feel upset for both of us or should I just suck it up and suggest we go to see them and the new baby?

Sorry but I don’t give a fuck if people are upset that I’m going to say this. The OP put her business on a public forum called AIBU so I’m allowed to say she’s being massively unreasonable to:

1. Have 6 children 2Have 6 children in a house without a garden 3)To be in a childish competition with her SIL who clearly didn’t tell her about the pregnancy to prevent her from trying to get pregnant again and one -up her.

As a human living on planet Earth, the fact that 2 women have 12 children and counting between them in a country of high consumption where you don’t need a bunch of children to help you work the land, women have access to education and there aren’t high child morbidity rates is obscene.

And before anyone pipes up that I’ve said ‘ 2 women have 12 kids’ and haven’t mentioned the fathers. I meant families but was focusing on the pregnancy competition. Of course the fathers are also to blame for this.

@Mamalexi343 Sorry but my sister is in Australia. I had DD 4 months ago. And I called her on messenger to tell her in person.
I'd be disgusted if I found out such news from my sister on Facebook. It would show me where she believed our relationship lied. We didn't announce on Facebook until we'd ensured we'd reached our closest family.

I'm wondering if there is a problem with the baby or pregnancy so they didn't want to do the big announcement or tell everyone incase something bad was to happen. I hope that's not the case but it's a possibility, if that isnt the case then they are been petty and just weird, and unfair on your PIL to expect them to keep it a secret from you.

Its weird but let it go and go an visit her and the new baby

@Tellmetruth4

Why would anyone be upset by your opinion. It's just your opinion and to be to be frank, it's irrelevant 😂

I have 5 children, ranging from 2 to 16 years of age. I'm pregnant with number 6 and I fully intend to have at least one more after that, because I'll be 43 when number 6 is born.

I'm not having lots of children to work the land or because I'm uneducated or because of child mortality rates. Rather, because I want lots of children! I love children. I'm a SAHM at the moment, but I've been a qualified teacher for the past 20 years. I've done two postgraduate courses in Education: EYFS & Primary, and Secondary. We live in the city and none of my children have any health problems at all.

Regarding this being a country of high consumption, what you actually mean is that some people are high consumers. Not everyone. Some people choose to live much more frugally. You could have a family with one child who run multiple cars, fly off on holiday multiple times a year, turn their heating on in August (apparently that's actually a thing on MN!) eat a lot of red meat, go to the doctor for every little sniff or snuffle, etc, etc. My family has one family car, my children have never been on a plane to go on holiday, we turned the heating on in November, we don't eat any meat and hardly ever go to the doctor as we're all very healthy. Just because a family chooses to have more children, it doesn't mean they're all higher consumers, or have a bigger carbon footprint or are worse for plant Earth

In short, a small/average sized rich family could have a carbon footprint bigger than an entire rural Indian village! Who was it that said that then @Tellmetruth4 !?!?

In short, a small/average sized rich family could have a carbon footprint bigger than an entire rural Indian village!

This argument gets trotted out every time someone ventures an opinion about women who choose to have a large family. It's getting a bit boring.

The fact is that a family of eight is going to eat more food than a family of three or four. They will generate more washing and use more water. You can't escape from that.

We are a family of three (due to infertility, not choice) but we don't jet off every few weeks. We use public transport where we can. We have solar panels and contribute a lot of electricity to the national grid (not much this autumn though ). I buy locally grown vegetables and locally produced meat on the rare occasion we eat meat.

I am not looking for a medal, but the defensive argument above from parents of multiple children is rather disingenuous.

In short, a small/average sized rich family could have a carbon footprint bigger than an entire rural Indian village!

I didn't come up with that. Tellmetruth4 did on another thread!

We are a family of three (due to infertility, not choice)

I'm sorry you couldn't have more children, but taking your anger out on people who do have more children and blaming large families for being bad for the Earth when there are so many other things that are bad for the Earth is just ridiculous.

I hope you can find happiness with your family of 3. Some people don't even get that.

I'm sorry you couldn't have more children, but taking your anger out on people who do have more children and blaming large families for being bad for the Earth when there are so many other things that are bad for the Earth is just ridiculous.

Wow. That's not what @Ginfordinner said at all. Dick move.

@Contraceptionismyfriend wow someone's touchy! Hit a nerve there have I. And yes she did say that We are a family of three (due to infertility, not choice)

The environmental impact of multiple children isn't so much how that family manages on a day to day basis! It's the fact that you're producing:

Multiple meat-eaters
Multiple flyers
Multiple car drivers
Multiple throwaway fashion buyers
Etc etc etc
AND multiple baby makers

How do some people not know this yet?

Nobody has to eat meat or fly or drive a car or buy throw away fashion or have children. If you're that worried you should choose not to do any of those things. I don't eat meat, fly, drive a car or buy throw away fashion. I only have children. Because that's what I choose to do. You choose what you want to do.

You only have children. A lot of children. Who will presumably all grow up to have their own homes and their own opinions?

@Contraceptionismyfriend reported

@Mjlp aww. Someone's touchy.

@Contraceptionismyfriend the way you referred to my children is disgusting. You are clearly a very bad person and you should be ashamed of yourself.

😂 very touchy.

Crotch goblins, crotch fruit etc is how I refer to my own kids. Get over yourself.

@Contraceptionismyfriend your poor children, having such a vile mother. I'm so pleased contraception is your friend.

Well I pity your many many kids for having a vile mother as well. Pity you couldn't stop inflicting yourself on so many lives.

I have said nothing vile. My children all love me. They are all happy, well mannered, well rounded individuals. Unlike you.

This is ridiculous. Your problem isn't a stranger on the internet with more children than you or the planet. It's clearly something bigger than that. Why don't you focus on fixing it whatever it is and making yourself a happier person instead of continuously tagging me.

Amazing how some can give it but never take it.

... I see MN have just deleted your comment, so they clearly agree with me. Horrible.

Mjlp - having seven children because you 'like having them' in our current global situation is very selfish. Nothing you can say to make yourself feel better and less guilty about it or justify it to others is going to wash I'm afraid. No matter how 'low carbon' your current children are in your houshold, you and your DH will have gone way over 'replacing' yourselves on this planet - even if all your DC just stick to 2 children each thats 14 people. What if they all 'like having children' too and have another 7 each too! You and your DP in theory create 49 new people in your lifetime - total bullshit if you think thats not 'over using' your portion of the planet's resources - even if they are vegan for a few years in childhood!

@Sloeginclub

Exactly!