They didn’t tell us

[angrymumof6]

I found out last week that sil is pregnant with baby no6. This is good news. This morning my dp found out that she had her baby last night. Everyone else in the family already knew except us.
We both feel really hurt by this and we are wondering what we have done to upset them?
We thought we had a decent relationship if not a very close one. We always make the effort to visit them a few times a year but they never come here, saying we don’t have a garden and it’s too much with 11 kids in total. So we haven’t been this year. And they obviously haven’t come to visit us either. For context my dp is not British and comes from a culture where the younger ones visit the older ones(dp is the oldest).
Aibu to feel upset for both of us or should I just suck it up and suggest we go to see them and the new baby?

12 children between two families. Wow.

No need to buy a present then, think positive!

Totally off topic, but if you live in a maisonette with no garden, I bet the neighbours are secretly very pleased your BIL/SIL don't visit with the additional kids. Imagine 11 excited children above or below you for hours on end .

Gosh, this all sounds soo childish

The choices is yours: you can either go off in a huff and be offended. Or think this relationship is broken, what can I do to mend it?

Maybe you aren't as close as you think, maybe they wanted to tell you in person?

@Ellisandra where they come from they wouldn’t ask each other about due dates. It’s a cultural thing

Maybe they thought they'd told you, but they hadn't?

Maybe it's tit or tat - your family didn't visit them, so they didn't tell you?

Maybe the mother had a high risk pregnancy and didn't want to 'jinx' it by telling everyone?

I'm 42 and 2 months pregnant with my 6th child. With the other 5 I announced them all as soon as I found out I was a month or so pregnant. I've told a few people I'm pregnant now but I'm not officially announcing it until 12 weeks, because I'm older, higher risk and my mother had a baby when she was 42, her pregnancy was fine, until she went into labour prematurely and sadly the baby died.

Whatever their reason is, just say congrats and forget about them not telling you sooner

They are from North Africa. I obviously don’t want to say specifically where in case sil is on mn.

Yeah because absolutely nothing else about this thread is identifying

Anyway, why hasn't your DH asked his brother why they didn't tell him about the pregnancy?

Maybe nobody is upset with anybody. Maybe they just thought you knew and thought the texting as normal was "normal". My friend is pregnant. I've had 4 children. I almost make a point of NOT discussing pregnancy with pregnant women. After 4 pregnancies myself I know the questions can be repetitive and monotonous.

So maybe it wasn't that she deliberately didn't tell you. Maybe she assumed you knew but by 12th pregnancy between you both that you didn't need to go into the "How are you keeping?", "Good", "That's good" talk.

You live a distance away. You don't see each other regularly. You are in (fairly) regular communication so maybe assumed you knew.

What's done is done. If there's no issue between you usually why cause one now?

I had no idea that not discussing due dates was a cultural thing. Why is that?

@Ginfordinner as guys they would never talk about due dates apparently that’s seen as girlie talk

Well maybe your husbands lack of apart interest in his brothers news wasn't received that well.

Who wants to travel two hours with five kids to a house with no garden?

Rude not to at least tell you she was pregnant though until the baby was almost born.

Sorry, not relevant but 11 children between two of you?

What on earth? You knew within a day! How is that an issue?

Do not raise it, you will look ridiculous and self centred, trying to make their baby's birth all about yourselves.

We didn't tell everyone within a day, or in a certain order. We were preoccupied with having just had a baby!!

Honestly!

@Soon2BeMumof3 maybe hold off on the !! and read the OP properly?

No one needs six kids. Just unnecessary really. Are they devout Catholics?

So sil has been texting you all year as normal but didn't mention once that she was pregnant with number 6? Yeah I find that really odd!
On the plus side I'd see it as 8 less obligatory Xmas presents to buy this year 😂

Have you asked your PIL what they know about it?

@LucyAutumn yes he asked his parents yesterday and everybody was told in may/June.
My dp has had a bit of a bashing on here for not going to visit this year and his apparent lack of interest in asking for due dates. He’s not like that. He’s actually lovely. It’s a cultural thing not to talk the finer points of a woman’s pregnancy between men?

It is a bit odd, but if you don’t visit them I’d assume use don’t actually talk a lot then just because they are relatives doesn’t mean your entitled to know. It’s obvious there’s something going on if the rest of the family kept it a secret too.

@Countryescape no they are not catholic’s.

@MrsFoxPlus4Again we always do the visiting just not this year. My dp and bil speak almost everyday?

This is weird. Have you got some sort of unspoken competitive baby making thing between you?

They probably just though meh it's number 6 we won't get the marching band out.