To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

[AliceAbsolum]

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me

DD didn’t want any baby stuff until said baby arrived. One of hers was tragically stillborn and I think having to sort out all the unnecessary baby equipment and clothes would have been yet another distressing thing to have to do. I can understand why some people choose to wait. Obviously it doesn’t jinx things.

It obviously doesn't cause miscarriage but it very common to loose a pregnancy early on - early reliable testing means we know we are pregnant far earlier whereas in days gone by women thought their period was late (at least that's how my midwife friend sees it), then there's screening at 12 weeks, sometimes a pregnancy isn't viable. It's your choice but waiting until after the scan is sensible advice, not superstition

And I agree the whole ‘baby boomer’ thing mentioned is just unnecessarily ageist and untrue.

MaryShelley1818
because you have to be staggeringly stupid to pretend to a newly pregnant mother that her pregnancy will go smoothly and she might as well start doing her nursery up.

It's not superstition to point out that you have to be cautious.

It's not superstitious to remind people that the anomaly scan exists for a reason.

No it doesn't cause miscarriages obviously but I would wait. I think I started buying stuff around 4/5 months pregnant

My bf had a miscarriage the night before her 12 week scan

Most miscarriages occur before someone knows they are pregnant

That may be but 1 in 4 confirmed pregnancies ends in miscarriage. The positive is that 3 in 4 don't end in miscarriage but no one quite believes they could be the one until they are.

And harsh as it sounds, when I bought the odd bit for baby pretty early on, I knew that if I miscarried we would try again

I knew that too when I lost pregnancies but I still couldn't quite bring myself to hang onto those odd bits to reuse. All I kept was a sleepsuit from one and a hat from the other while everything else was returned to the shops. They're hidden away somewhere in the house and I'll occasionally come across them while cleaning or sorting and even all these years later it still breaks my heart when I do.

OP, you've loads of time to buy things. There's no harm in buying things in advance but it's often better to wait until further along in the pregnancy just in case. Having stuff in advance won't cause a miscarriage, that's just a superstition, but it's the reality of pregnancy loss that created the superstition in the first place.

Fucksache OP. Away with your ageist shite. WTF has it to do with boomers?
My mum told me the umbilical cord would strangle my baby if I hung the washing out with my arms above my head and she was born in the 1930s.
People are always worried about their unborn babies - look at the three months rule - even in these days of proper maternity care.
Boomers my arse.

It's not because it 'causes' miscarriage.

But it is also not because it is superstition.

It is just common sense.

Wow. MN is salty tonight.
Of course I don't actually think buying things will cause miscarriage. Jesus.

Totally makes sense to me that if the worst happens then you wouldn't want to be looking at a tonne of baby stuff.

The stats are actually not too horrendous though. At 8 weeks if you see a heartbeat the risk is less than 5%...thats pretty small imo.

"I think there's also a really unpleasant undertone too of blame with this particular 'superstition', like if something happened you'd 'asked for it' by buying stuff 'too early'. I find that pretty distasteful"

Yes I think that's what's got my back up. I understand the reasons behind it now (thanks MN) but it still doesn't sit right. A bit like why I'm confused as to why you shouldn't tell people if you want too? I can smell the patriarchy somewhere in this..

I know plenty of women my age who preferred not to get anything until after a certain stage of pregnancy. I’m in my 30s definitely not a boomer.

Of course it doesn’t cause mc but can make it more difficult to deal with.

Perhaps it was a way of gently reminding you that not all pregnancies stick, especially in the first trimester?

I would love to get two lines on a pregnancy test and believe I'll have a guaranteed live baby. That kind of naivety is lost on those of us who have had miscarriages. I think many of us who have suffered pregnancy or infant loss are quite anxious and wouldn't buy anything.

I'm nearly 12 weeks now after a MMC earlier this year, and won't be buying anything until after the 12 week scan confirms everything's okay.

It's personal choice. Of course there's no such thing as jinxing a pregnancy - but I wouldn't want to have to look at any purchases if I miscarried. It's painful enough without that!

No not superstitious - just the problem of getting rid of equipment if it doesn’t work out.

Ps I personally went shopping at around 30 weeks for the newborn essentials then bought everything else after my baby was born, the fact the u/s couldn't tell us if it's was a boy or girl due to DD's arm was part of the reason. I went shopping with dd at 3 days old and had all of the employees in the baby dept at the department store cooing over her

How is it DISGUSTING? I struggled with fertility and didn’t think I would ever ever have a child. Every day I was scared something would go wrong. I’m not superstitious but I didn’t want to take anything for granted and ‘count chickens’ until week 24. It’s not about superstition and I don’t think it’s disgusting. What is disgusting is judging people in the way you are.

On the other hand, just reading OP's latest post, I absolutely have told people before 12 weeks because there's no shame in miscarriage, and if no one ever talks about it, the more the silence prevails 🤷‍♀️

YANBU, it's superstitious rubbish. Buy whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want. Our pram has been here and ready for baby for ages!

Yea. So did I.
And then at my 12 week scan found that "baby" was a "tumour". Potential to become cancerous. And took 8 weeks of bleeding, surgery before it was over. And then a further 3 months of testing to ensure no tumour had remained.

It's not superstitious rubbish. Its fact. 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Its about saving yourself from further heartache having to pack away cots.. and buggies.. for a baby that never will be.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I think your mum is just looking out for you. 12 week scan tends to be when people find out.

It's incredibly hard to have baby things in the house when you have lost a baby so I think she is just being a concerned mum. I don't think she's trying to put a downer on your wonderful news just be safe with regards to your emotions.

I have 4 boys and lost 2 girls. I find it very difficult (sometimes) even looking at wee dresses or girly things.

A not buying things doesn't cause miscarriage, it just very much hurts when you have something with no baby.

Wishing you all the best in your pregnancy!

It doesn’t cause miscarriage but when you come home after a tfmr it’s utterly shit to have baby stuff around.
I used to cry walking into our spare bedroom and it wasn’t decorated- it was just a nursery in my dreams.
With DS I waited until the third trimester. Still not 100% safe but you do have to get ready sometime!

Salty made me laugh (in my mind) my teen says that.

Anyway after a couple of mc I erred on the side of caution. But if you want to save in the sales you could do that.

But it's not a superstition is it? Have you read the posts? Nor is mumsnet salty? Many people have experienced loss or know someone who has and so are cautious about buying things. Quote the stats all you like, but I know so many people who have experienced loss before 12 weeks, loss after 20 weeks and still birth. Looking at that baby grow when you've miscarried or experienced loss is not a lot of fun.

I waited till 24ish weeks but its personal choice x

I think every woman is terrified something will go wrong with their pregnancy. But the difference is in someone else telling you not to 'tempt fate' or one of those phrases which implies that if the worst does happen, you've 'asked for it' by buying things early and reeks of 'I told you so'. It's bollocks and offensive to women and that's what I find disgusting. I don't judge people who are nervous about their pregnancy and reluctant to buy things for themselves (I'm pretty sure that's every pregnant woman who has walked the earth) but I do judge those who use superstition or hackneyed old phrases to make women feel like they are in any way to blame or responsible for having a miscarriage.

@AliceAbsolum
It's not being fucking salty. It's wise advice from people who have purchased baby items and then had to sell them because they've lost their baby. Do you have ANY idea how heartbreaking that is. ANY idea?! No you fucking don't.

As for the 8 week heartbeat statistics... you know you normally have to have a GP referral to have an early scan unless you go private. But most women dont do this.. because they don't realise it may not be an unsuccessful pregnancy.

My mum told me the umbilical cord would strangle my baby if I hung the washing out with my arms above my head

that I would think qualifies as superstition

but the "sleeping on the left" advice has actual medical basis...

And in the OP's case, 'jinxing' it doesn't just imply blame - it outright states it.