To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

[AliceAbsolum]

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me

Yabu. The only time i bought ahead the baby was still born (my sil). I will never buy anything before 24 weeks now and that included when i was pregnant.

Having lost twins at 16 weeks and another at 8 weeks I didn't buy anything for either of my pregnancies until well past 20 weeks, probably nearer 30 weeks.

Youngest child is 9 weeks so definitely not a boomer, just someone who's been through a loss and can't imagine how much worse it would have been with new baby stuff in the house

Put it this way, miscarriage is very common. Its painful enough without looking at the items you bought. For me its just a case of not taking it for granted all will be well. I have had two miscarriages and would take nothing for granted, every safe arrival is a miracle of nature. For the same reason I cant do baby showers. I am sure your baby will be absolutely fine, just dont knock those who might be holding their breath a lttle for now.

I was in your position 3 years ago. I bought a few sleepsuits in the January sales. I decided I'd only spend what I was happy to lose and the stuff was kept in a bag out of sight. I was pragmatic that buying a pack of sleepsuits wasn't going to cause a miscarriage, but equally having to look at a cot/pram/playmat if I did miscarry would be awful.

Urgh I hate this agist 'boomer' shit. I'm sure it's nothing to do with her age

I agree,lots of people are superstitious.

It's a superstition thing in the same family as "don't fill your jamjar with water until you've caught your first fish".

There's a FB group called "boomers why are they like this

Ah, well if there’s a Facebook group for it, that’s OK then

It's nothing to do with being a 'boomer' it's a common superstition.

You can't genuinely bieve she ment that buying baby stuff could cause you to have a miscarriage? except there's at least one person on who who has admitted to being superstitious about it so why not ops mom? I certainly know people who do believe it's bad luck, not just potentially hard

you needed an internet forum to point out that your might feel like shit looking at stuff in your house that you bought for a baby that didn't survive pregnancy.! no she quite clearly was asking about the superstitious element

don't fill your jamjar with water until you've caught your first fish

That's not a saying I've ever heard before.

do what you feel is best for you. Having seen my mum have a miscarriage at 10 weeks, i m not going to consider buying anything until I can have a scan at least.

There are lots and lots of people who are superstitious and believe specific actions will ‘jinx’ things so the OP is hardly stupid for thinking that’s possibly what her mother meant. How many people do you know who “touch wood” whilst saying certain things.
With DS we had early scans and private blood testing and bought things after 11wks. I’ve suffered early miscarriages and a late miscarriage, and know 2 friends who’ve suffered full term losses. A few baby items pales into insignificance next to the loss of a wanted baby. Everyone deals with things differently though.

OP congratulations, buy things when you feel happy too and don’t worry about ‘what ifs’ xx

Most miscarriages occur before someone knows they are pregnant - once the heartbeat is there it’s far less likely to occur.
Based on what data? I thought 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage- and obviously that can only be counted from data where people knew they were pregnant.

Obviously it doesn’t cause a misscarriage or jinx the pregnancy or we’d never have back to back babies.

My granny explained it quite well, in her day there wasnt an ultrasound, you never heard the heart beat, you only knew you were pregnant because you hadn’t got your period and eventually the baby moved/you got a bump/you had the baby. So there was no way to tell if a pregnancy was viable/healthy/even a pregnancy until you were either heavily pregnant with your belly doing the Macarena or had a baby in arms (which was really the only guaranteed way)

Obviously not buying loads early is advisable incase you do get bad news and have to get rid of expensive/sensitive items.. which obviously you might not be able to return.

Yeah it's superstitious nonsense. And harsh as it sounds, when I bought the odd bit for baby pretty early on, I knew that if I miscarried we would try again and as we didn't have any problems conceiving the first time, I had no reason to think we wouldn't succeed.

After a certain point, I weighed up the very slight risk of losing the baby v the very tangible benefits and savings to be had. We saved a lot of money by buying things in advance as we we knew from early what we wanted in terms of big-ticket items and were able to monitor prices.

It's not superstition, it's common sense

OP congratulations, buy things when you feel happy too and don’t worry about ‘what ifs’ xx
that's a pretty stupid advice to someone who is not due for another 8 months.

that's early even to get your first test!

Personally I wouldn’t buy anything until after the 20 week scan. Not due to superstition, but at this point there’s a high chance of a successful pregnancy & I know whether I’m buying boys or girls stuff. Having to deal with the brand new little clothes etc in the aftermath of a miscarriage doesn’t bear thinking about. It’s not superstition it’s common sense!

so many sad stories. While anyone who went to school and still believes in superstitions wants a good slap, it is a fact that you don't have a guarantee of a baby. Go shopping nearer the time.

This, BTW, is why I don't get baby showers. Presents get sent once the baby has arrived safely.

all the best, of course.

Also, I knew that if, god forbid, we ended up losing her late in pregnancy or she was stillborn that my partner or my parents would clear out any baby stuff if I wanted them to before I came home to see it. But we didn't really have it set up beforehand anyway, except the cot. It was all in the garage.

I didn’t buy anything until 20 weeks, in case the anomaly scan showed something that would have needed termination. No way I’d want a house full of baby things and no baby!

I think there's also a really unpleasant undertone too of blame with this particular 'superstition', like if something happened you'd 'asked for it' by buying stuff 'too early'. I find that pretty distasteful.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, obviously have bought/been given the things we need, and I still feel really uneasy about it! But to each their own.

YANBU. I hate this blame the mum for miscarriage BS.

My Mum calls it tempting fate. I once discussed having a will, discussing final wishes and pathways with my STPD and she said that she doesn't want to tempt fate. Same thing with buying things too early.