To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

[AliceAbsolum]

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me

1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, mostly before 12 weeks so it's probably just sensible to wait until then.

I’m in my 20s and am superstitious about this stuff maybe I’m a weirdo !!
I refuse to buy congratulations on your pregnancy cards that I’ve been seeing around

Yes I agree with lots more pregnancy loss in the past. Probably makes people more superstitious if they’re a bit older

This is a thing in my family (pre boomer). I think it’s more don’t count your chickens before they hatch type of mentality as opposed to thinking it will cause a miscarriage.

YABU to say it’s a “boomer” thing. Obviously YANBU to say buying stuff early won’t cause a miscarriage! But when I was pregnant, I didn’t buy anything until after the 20 weeks scan, not because I thought it would jinx it or cause a miscarriage, but because I know how much harder it would make it for ME if something did go wrong in the early months, to have lots of baby stuff to store or give away.

There's two things here op.

The superstitious "you'll jinx the pregnancy" crap, no pram in the house til baby is here etc that basically says if you have a miscarriage, it's probably something you did like buy a bib!

And there's the sensible appraoch of - if something happens at 12 weeks,, how will you've about having the pram there a ton of clothes and a half painted nursery. People are coming from experience. However something can happen at any point and you need to get sorted at some point so it's very personal

You can't genuinely bieve she ment that buying baby stuff could cause you to have a miscarriage?

It isn't 'a superstition thing'. It is, as has been pointed out by many pp on this thread, protection from the sheer heartbreak of miscarriage and stillbirth if you have a house full of baby things. I speak from experience, and I am not a boomer

Yeah true the boomer thing is agest. But as is the shit thrown at millennials. There's a FB group called "boomers why are they like this".

Gen X's meanwhile are the perfect ones

As someone whose baby died neonatally, it’s horrible coming home to what should be your baby’s home with everything ready for them just reinforcing the emptiness you feel. At the same time, even in the worst case scenario, you’ll be grateful you’ve bought your baby an outfit and cuddly toy because it feels they aren’t undressed and alone in the morgue.

I know this is a really depressing thing to say but when I lost my first DD at full term I was very glad I hadn’t decorated the spare room as a nursery and got it ready (I know that’s extreme but I had convinced myself the baby would die), despite it causing arguments with PIL.
Now of course fear, superstition etc don’t actually have an impact on reality but as lots of pp have said, it’s heartbreaking if things go wrong and I’d say there’s time enough to start after 12 week or even 20 week scan.
I suppose in the past with fewer scans etc there probably were more unexpected miscarriages etc so that’s probably where that old “advice” originated.
Enjoy your pregnancy and get excited by all means but there is a sort of logic to the advice!

It’s superstitious rubbish but I didn’t buy anything for my dc until after 30 weeks because I don’t like ‘stuff’ especially big ‘stuff’ just hanging about. My friend is the opposite she had everything, just about, for both of hers by the time of her anomaly scan.

Maybe ‘boomers’ behave in certain ways because of the time/circumstances/political landscape/etc they grew up in, y’know like every generation ever.

Also, every generation ever thinks that they are the most enlightened clever ones. Until they get a bit of life experience behind them.

(I’m not a boomer by the way! I’m only late 30s)

Yeah true the boomer thing is agest. But as is the shit thrown at millennials. There's a FB group called "boomers why are they like this".

Well no, it isn't ok on either side and I roll my eyes at older people doing the same of younger people but millennials(And I am one) seem to spend more time complaining about boomers than vice versa. I'm sick and tired of it. It's a lazy, patronising and ageist way of shutting people down. It isn't acceptable.

There are FB groups for a lot of dumb shit. It doesn't make it ok.

No it doesn't.
It's just that it is upsetting if you have bought baby things and then miscarry.
Saying you will jinx it is just a way of saying be cautious incase you miscarry rather than actually being harsh enough to mention miscarriage in the excitement of early pregnancy.
The Boomers don't believe it causes a miscarriage, they are just trying to stop you being upset with lots of baby purchases if things go wrong.

MIL couldn't wait to buy baby stuff as soon as she found out I was pregnant. I told her to wait until after 20 weeks. One of my friends had a third trimester loss and another terminated at 23 weeks due to the 20 week scan showing that the baby was very ill and not compatible with life.

Thankfully my DD was happy and healthy but I can't imagine how awful it would have been for my friends to have baby stuff and no baby. Do as you please but there's reasons why people (of all ages) wait.

Seriously, you needed an internet forum to point out that your might feel like shit looking at stuff in your house that you bought for a baby that didn't survive pregnancy.

Lots of people scaremongering about early miscarriage. Most miscarriages occur before someone knows they are pregnant - once the heartbeat is there it’s far less likely to occur. I find this helpful - you can input your data for more specific stats. datayze.com/miscarriage-chart.php

Also due in July but haven’t bought anything bar one token item as I prefer to know the sex first (although buying gendered clothes etc is “not allowed” on MN): I’ll find out gender (and risk of disability) at 10 weeks via blood test and go crazy shopping then, even if before 12 weeks.

Congratulations OP

Congratulations you do what you feel is best.

Buy stuff whenever you like. Don’t be put of by scary stories but be aware that not all pregnancies end well. I am currently 15 weeks and have been told one of my twins might not survive. I have already learnt how much buying stuff early can hurt - I bought stuff after my 20 week scan last time. Dd1 spent 4 months in hospital and died a year later so there was lots that we didn’t use and it is very upsetting to think about it.

It's not just older people who don't buy early on, most generations stick to the 3 month rule round here

Oh it's a superstition thing! OK that makes more sense

Seriously, had you not worked that out before? Did you really think your mum thought it would CAUSE a miscarriage? And you imply your mum is dense!

Yeah true the boomer thing is agest. But as is the shit thrown at millennials. There's a FB group called "boomers why are they like this".

Why are they like this ? Because they have to listen to the 'Millennial Snowflake ' Woe is me crap

Did you honestly believe that your mum was saying it would cause a miscarriage ? , an ounce of common sense would worked out what was behind it

robs20

My god that’s awful - I’m so sorry. I hope both of your twins are alright x

I didn't even after the scan beyond a baby magazine and book. I lost my baby at 3 months. I'm glad I didn't buy more.