To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

[AliceAbsolum]

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me

I already had a pram, from first son, it was stored on top of the wardrobe and I used to look at it every night, through multiple miscarriages, and think 'I will use it again, I will walk round the park with another baby in that pram'
Eventually 6 years later, I did!

It’s a fun balancing act. As a parent of a preemie I was glad we had made all of the big purchases before things started going wrong at 30 weeks. She held on in there for another 3 weeks and was born at 33 weeks. The last thing I would have wanted to do in that time would be finding a car seat/pram etc. We did have to get some prem clothes but mothercare did free next day delivery on them :)

We've had a number of reports about this thread and have removed a few posts that breached our guidelines

Apart from the inherent ageism in the OP's and other posts....

I am talking about the way people carry on in the 1st and 2nd trimester

How has this post not been removed @LouMumsnet

queenMab99

I relate to your post strongly. I never had the pain of what you have been through, but I was told I would never be able to conceive naturally, or even with IVF (my condition makes it harder for the eggs to stick) and I went and I bought a going home from
Hospital outfit for a mythical baby that was no where near existing as a “I WILL have a baby one day”.

I've had three miscarriages and bought stuff for each one as was trying to be positive that it couldn't possibly happen again (how much shit luck can two people go through FFS?), now I have newborn clothes for all seasons so when I finally get pregnant I hope we can use something.
My only concern is if it never happens and I have to give our lovely baby's stuff away

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage but most of these happen in the first trimester. The majority actually happen before 6 weeks, the most dangerous time in a pregnancy is week 3-6 during the implantation process.

I have had three miscarriages and my friend has had multiple miscarriages including a later one at 20 weeks earlier this year. Buying things does not jinx a thing, that’s woo bullshit. It is, however, the most painful thing imaginable to have to pack the things you have purchased away when the pregnancy doesn’t go to plan.

At six months, I wouldn’t hesitate in buying things. What does MIL expect you to do, wait until the baby is here? Seems ridiculous.

I think babies also need a fair amount of stuff despite people saying you hardly need anything.
Car- need a car seat
need a sling or pram
Need a bed of some sort, new mattress, bedding
A few clothes, blankets
Nappies/wipes/mat
Other basics to make life easier depending on your family

Either way, even the above takes either time to source if mainly second hand, or time and money new. Hence many people like to spread it over over a few months.

18 weeks here. Have only bought a cardigan myself, but family have given a few basic clothing items as I won't see again until after baby is born due to distance. Also researching items as would like to get some bits secondhand if possible or see them in stores when I am nearby. Will probably start ordering 25+ weeks. Many cots/prams sites also say 8-12 week delivery time.

After miscarriages and knowing of the devestating effect still birth had on some friends and family I waited until as close as possible.
Enjoy being excited, look at things but I would say don't buy anything until at least 12 weeks the devestation of mc alone is unbearable let alone anything later on. I would have said that owning things may have made my mc experiences sad. It was 3 years from first pregnancy and mc to get my beautiful take home baby.

It's only superstition and it's not tempting fate to buy things but there's no rush, you have a long time to wait until the baby's here. Personally I'd wait until after your 12 week scan at the very least.

There was one thing to be said in favour of the panic of first baby problems and not having a single thing ready: we didn't have time even to think of buying a changing table, and when he finally did come home I put a sheet of plastic onto our bed and changed him there, kneeling down.

It was so easy with all that space, and so safe because he couldn't possibly have fallen off a double bed even when he did start to be more mobile (and if he had it was a short distance to the floor), that we only ever changed a nappy for any of our eventual three either on the bed or on the floor, which meant we never did have to shell out for a special bit of furniture to do it on. And of course it meant we didn't need to worry about not having the changing table with us if we were not at home for a nappy-change...

I think babies also need a fair amount of stuff despite people saying you hardly need anything.

Yes, we’ve found the ‘babies are cheap, they don’t need anything’ line so often trotted out to be absolute nonsense tbh. Off the top of my head, the basics we wrote down were:

Moses basket or cot
Clothing
Nappies
Maternity bras
Pram (gotta transport him somehow)
Car seat (legal necessity!)
Blankets/bedding

I don’t really see how we could have escaped buying any of the above, they’re not crazy gadgets like wet wipe warmers or a dedicated wardrobe that could be skipped.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime

We bought a dresser with a changing top so we had somewhere to keep his clothes etc. And seemed to make sense for it to double up. We didn’t have any dressers otherwise so had to get something for storage!

That makes sense. We had a chest of drawers already, which we took over for baby-things, and it would have been too tall to be a changing-table.

Need is different from what is seen as normal these days. So you don't need a cot. Poor people when I was young were advised to use a drawer from a chest of drawers as a bed. Lots of families co sleep. Similarly people used to use shawls to carry babies in living memory. And you don't have to use a car.

I am not advocating this approach, of course modern things make life easier and look nicer. But there is a difference between an absolute need and what we might want and consider normal.

Need is different from what is seen as normal these days.

I agree with your point, but people who trot that nonsense out have no issue about the modern approach for THEIR own need and don't sleep on a pile of straw or use an outhouse...

You do “need” a cot or somewhere for baby to sleep. If your HV came round and you were using a drawer you would be in hot water! We had DS in our bed and got in “trouble” for that (although I told her to fuck off).

In my culture (Indian) a lot of families would say this, it’s a ridiculous superstition.
Ignore it.
Congratulations on your pregnancy x

I'm 31yr but I don't buy things till the last minute. Even with dc, I was booked an induction for the Wednesday and it was a Friday I had the appointment. I made my first purchase then. Was I wrong to do that? I just didn't want baby who was not there stuff to clutter my home unessessary. So I saved money from the day I got bfp till it was buying time.

I did similar thing with ds2, but he was stillborn. I had used the money I saved for him, to pay for his funeral.

Ds3 it was last minute buying again and I'm planning for the same thing again. I opened a saving account with my bank and I deposit any savings there monthly.

Oh yes, ds3 was born premature but I did click and collect and asked dh to pick stuff up and ordered the cot only after he came home.

Hope your pregnancy goes well op and you remain anxious free.

Ps, I know I'm on the other side of extreme, do things your way. Just do it respectfully.

@bluebella4

When I called my local trust hospital it was needed (GP referral). But when I went to my GP it was just as simple as "this is why I want one". He would check my dates and call the hospital whilst I was there and then give me the appointment scan date.
1st was Molar.
2nd was MMC (early scan)
3rd was all okay (early scan)

Twice this year I have been pregnant. Twice this year I have had bad news at the 12 week scan. I bought a few small items in both pregnancies and it was awful to have to come home from hospital and put those items away in a cupboard.
It's of course a stupid superstition to say you are jinxing it, but I definitely won't be buying stuff before at least 20 weeks if I ever do get pregnant again.

My mum is very much like this.
She just feels that it can cause bad luck but she is very superstitious and it has rubbed off on me slightly.
I didn't have the pram in my house until DS came home.
Didn't buy anything until about 14 weeks I think.