Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

323 replies

AliceAbsolum · 21/11/2019 16:29

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me Confused

OP posts:
Wherecanwegetoff123 · 21/11/2019 17:34

Op I have 4 kids. In the middle I had a miscarriage early on and I bought some baby grows. I always buy a couple of new things for each baby. Everything else is recycled. Even though I had 2 kids already at the time. Looking at those baby grows broke my heart. I couldn't even use them for the next two pregnancies. I think that's why your mum said it

PurpleFrames · 21/11/2019 17:35

I agree with your mums perspective but for different reasons.
I don't buy cards for people's birthdays/other occasions in sales for the same reason

ruralcat · 21/11/2019 17:35

I am not a 'boomer' but I hated buying things in advance as it made me even more worried. My DD1 had anomalies on the 20 week scan and I convinced myself it was because I had already started buying clothes. As a result for DC2 and DC3 I have bought essential things around 38/39 weeks.

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 21/11/2019 17:35

@TryingToBeBold Calm down love, you have no idea about my history x

OP posts:
icannotremember · 21/11/2019 17:35

I doubt anyone thinks "buying baby items early causes miscarriage", I think it's more along the lines of "buying baby items early then losing my baby and having a houseful of baby things and no baby broke my fucking heart and I would like to save other people from that pain".

Although if you want to see it as some sort of boomer ridiculousness that's entirely up to you Hmm.

MaryShelley1818 · 21/11/2019 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:36

A bit like why I'm confused as to why you shouldn't tell people if you want too? I can smell the patriarchy somewhere in this..

what the fuck has the patriarchy doing in that?!? Confused

Unless you think it's the patriarchy experience that it is painful and heart breaking to have to explain to everyone you told that yes, the baby is dead, and to have to answer when someone asks how is your pregnancy going along?

I don't wish anyone any bad news, but the arrogance and the dismissal of other mothers bad experience is dreadful on this thread. I don't believe it comes from a genuine woman, and pregnant as that. No one could be such a bitch, could they?

TryingToBeBold · 21/11/2019 17:36

The stats are actually not too horrendous though. At 8 weeks if you see a heartbeat the risk is less than 5%...thats pretty small imo.

Yea.
If you have a scan at 8 weeks. Which you won't. Unless you go private or have a GP referral. So you'll have to wait till 12 weeks normally. Like most of the expectant mothers.

Leflic · 21/11/2019 17:37
  • MN is salty tonight. Of course I don't actually think buying things will cause miscarriage. Jesus*

Well you seemed surprised it was superstition. What on earth did you think your mum meant then?

I thought your generation was all about saving the planet. Surely you shouldn’t be buying stuff from shops in the January sales? Shouldn’t it all be reused and second hand NCT do great sales.( and it makes sense since you only use baby stuff for short amounts of time).

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TryingToBeBold · 21/11/2019 17:39

@AliceAbsolum

You're right. I don't know your history. But honestly? If you had gone through anything close to what's being discussed then you wouldn't be asking the question you're asking

LilyJade · 21/11/2019 17:41

My best friend had a miscarriage then got pregnant with a much longed for child at 39.
She refused to have a baby shower as she's superstitious & was worried.
Thankfully all went well & her little girl is now almost 5.

My 'boomer' mum doesn't like baby showers but not through superstition but because she thinks they are grabby.

Personally I'm childless & don't attend baby showers as I find them upsetting but I do send a present if an expectant mother has one.

MaryShelley1818 · 21/11/2019 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Amummyatlast · 21/11/2019 17:44

And harsh as it sounds, when I bought the odd bit for baby pretty early on, I knew that if I miscarried we would try again

I had two early miscarriages. Tried again. Never had a naturally conceived pregnancy since my last miscarriage over 10 years ago.

middlemuddle · 21/11/2019 17:44

My friends 12 week scan was perfect but her 20 week scan revealed a list of abnormalities that meant she terminated at 24 weeks as baby wouldn't live, so 12 weeks does not mean safe... Buy whenever you want

Bunnybigears · 21/11/2019 17:45

Of course there is no real connection between buying things for the baby and miscarriage but I avoid buying things too early for lots of things like birthdays, Christmas etc. Imaginr how rubbish it would be to buy a birthday present for someone that doesnt reach their next birthday. Doesnt mean you caused it.

doublebarrellednurse · 21/11/2019 17:47

A bit like why I'm confused as to why you shouldn't tell people if you want too? I can smell the patriarchy somewhere in this..*

what the fuck has the patriarchy doing in that?!?

Unless you think it's the patriarchy experience that it is painful and heart breaking to have to explain to everyone you told that yes, the baby is dead, and to have to answer when someone asks how is your pregnancy going along?*

No but the Patriarchy does like "women's troubles" to be quiet and not make other people uncomfortable doesn't it.

louderthan1 · 21/11/2019 17:47

Ok boomer

Gallivespian · 21/11/2019 17:47

I absolutely have told people before 12 weeks because there's no shame in miscarriage, and if no one ever talks about it, the more the silence prevails

Again which seems to be a bit of a habit with you, OP, based on this thread you're underthinking, or imputing the same motives to all women. It's not 'shame' that stops many women telling all and sundry they're pregnant the moment they wee on a stick, it's the kind of astonishingly witless remarks that people are capable of. Some examples:

'Well, it wasn't a real baby.'
'At least you weren't further along!'
'At least now you know you can get pregnant!'
'It happens to everyone, I don't know why some people make such a big deal of it...'
'It's Mother Nature's way of weeding out the substandard babies, you know...'

MabelMoo23 · 21/11/2019 17:48

It doesn't cause miscarriage but as 1 in 4 results in a miscarriage you can see why people wait.

I lost 3 babies, one at 12 weeks - so those that say most happen before they ever knew they were pregnant. Yep, some so. Some also happen in between you having an 8 week scan and seeing a heartbeat, and then the standard 12 week scan. It's estimated my baby died at 11 weeks. So I'd already seen the heartbeat and thought this time would be different.
Nope.

So it happens. And it's a horrendous shitty time.

I've got two babies now after my 3 losses but it still gets to me

Blahblahblah12345 · 21/11/2019 17:49

I had 2 miscarriages last year. In between miscarriages I bought a pram. 🙈 I dont believe that caused me to have my second miscarriage. In each of my pregnancies I was buying things. I know have a 10 week old baby 😁😁
So no I dont believe buying things causes it. If it's going to happen it will happen.

Minionoftheantichrist · 21/11/2019 17:50

I didn’t realise how many babies are stillborn until DD lost hers at 32 weeks. Everything had been fine up to then. One very small consolation was that she hadn’t bought anything and didn’t have the extra heartbreak of disposing of it in such bleak circumstances.

GothMummy · 21/11/2019 17:51

It's pretty awful looking at stuff you have bought if you loose the baby.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/11/2019 17:51

My lovely, childless from choice, old friend, very kindly sent me a piece of baby clothing when she heard I was 12 weeks pregnant the first time. I lost my little girl at 22 weeks, 26 years ago. I couldn't throw out that piece of clothing afterwards, although stupidly superstitiously, I felt the gift was the cause of our loss. I never used it for my only child, again, superstitiously. We have recently moved and I can't remember, I think I might have decided to throw it out, finally, although I may yet find it as an unnecessary reminder of my lost daughter - it's not where I would expect to see it, but this move has been a disaster all round!

willdoitinaminute · 21/11/2019 17:51

My DS nearly died in the first 48hrs after birth. He was healthy at birth but had problems due to being a month premature. I remember lying on my own at 4am after he was rushed into NICU thinking I’d been through 8 months of stress and worry ( had multiple miscarriages prior to this pregnancy) for nothing. I have had two close friends loose babies at full term but I also know hundreds of women who haven’t.
The aim of the caution tales is to protect you from hurt because no one can guarantee that any pregnancy will be successful. It’s just a much kinder way of saying there is a 1 in 4 chance you may suffer a miscarriage.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and be kind to your mum, she is only protecting you. We don’t wear a badge telling everyone we have lost babies and sometimes we don’t even share with our own children. It’s certainly not a “boomer” thing and in years to come you may be giving your own daughter the same advice.