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Original poster

To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

323 replies

AliceAbsolum · 21/11/2019 16:29

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me Confused

OP posts:
Celebelly · 21/11/2019 17:07

what a stupidly smug and patronising comment

I don't see why. It's just factual. I'm a pragmatic person and knew for the first 12 weeks or so of my pregnancy that if I miscarried, we would try again. Perhaps not right away, but we would. We were very fortunate not to have fertility problems and trouble conceiving.

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:08

YANBU. I hate this blame the mum for miscarriage BS.

BLAME? You should read the thread, you are so spectacularly missing the point, no one is accusing women of CAUSING the death of their baby by buying a pram or a grobag Hmm

Jesus Christ...

ColaFreezePop · 21/11/2019 17:09

@Megan2018 same.

MistyCloud · 21/11/2019 17:09

It is an old superstition @AliceAbsolum but it's rubbish. And I don't think it's a boomer thing. (People in other generations have said it too.)

I think people mean that they don't want to tempt fate by buying for the baby before it's born. But you have to really. You will need it as soon as you have the baby. Who wants to go out shopping for everything the day the baby is born LOL?!

Oh and congratulations! Smile

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:09

Celebelly
you HOPED maybe, you didn't KNEW.

No one has any way of knowing their baby wouldn't die, they wouldn't suffer infertility or be so badly damaged that they could never get pregnant again.

So your post stinks.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/11/2019 17:10

"Is this a 'boomer' thing?" Hmm Well aren't you lovely?

No, it's not a 'boomer thing'. Being almost 100% sure that your pregnancy would result in a live baby (and, indeed, a live _you) is pretty recent in the scheme of things. I'd expect sitting there mourning your loss surrounded by baby things just twists the knife of your grief a little bit more. So people didn't do it.

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:11

Who wants to go out shopping for everything the day the baby is born LOL?!

pretty sure you have a small window between your first pregnancy test and your due date...

you have read that the OP is due in JULY, haven't you?

crispysausagerolls · 21/11/2019 17:11

sillysmiles

“Most miscarriages may actually go undetected by the mother. Fifty to 75% of them occur even before a woman has missed her period (called “chemical pregnancy”)“

A quick google search will show this information on most pages

FrothyB · 21/11/2019 17:12

Millennial here, albeit the upper end of it. Congrats on buying into the "OK Boomer" shit. I am probably the least "millennial" millennial going though.

We didn't even tell people, aside from immediate family, before the 12 week scan, just in case. Also didn't buy anything untill about 7 months in and didn't start getting things ready untill about a week before my partner went into hospital.

My partner was 37 at the time though, first pregnancy, so we were aware we were at higher risk than others.

Do what works for you at the end of the day, but you'll have to accept that your Mum will have her opinions based on her own lived experience and influences from her own time.

Andsoitisjust99 · 21/11/2019 17:12

I agree. Same for not telling people before 12weeks. I’ve had a number of miscarriages. It doesn’t help to suffer in silence and they aren’t something to be ashamed of. It also means pregnant women are managing really touch symptoms alone without proper support at work. I’ve noticed this seems to be changing amongst friends with more people announcing amongst close friends and family earlier, which is good in my mind.

fallfallfall · 21/11/2019 17:12

The thought that you even entertained it was anything other than a superstition makes me shudder. Add to that name calling.
You sound immature and ignorant.

LondonJax · 21/11/2019 17:13

As many have said it's not a superstition, it's more a way of warning against not having too much stuff 'just in case'.

My poor aunt had a still birth then two miscarriages. She didn't buy anything new in her second and third pregnancy as she was, naturally, in such a state over her daughter's still birth, she couldn't bear to put herself through it again.

So it's not a superstition. It's based on how traumatic losing a child, at whatever stage, can be. It's just worded wrongly really.

BonnyE · 21/11/2019 17:14

Well I'm a millennial and hardly bought a thing. Not superstitious just a difficult journey to pregnancy and having a load of baby stuff in the house would've freaked me out as deep down I was terrified it wouldn't work out. I don't think it's that unusual depending on your experience and journey to motherhood. Its great that you feel as you do. I do wish i had been able to relax a bit more. Enjoy shopping!

aliensprig · 21/11/2019 17:15

All these MN boomers getting salty Grin

YANBU, it's superstitious rubbish. Buy whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want. Our pram has been here and ready for baby for ages! :)

legalseagull · 21/11/2019 17:15

Ahhh ok so the 'boomers' started it. Grow up OP you're going to be a mother. Set an example of not discriminating against anyone. Just because one person is racist/sexist/agist, doesn't mean you jump on the bandwagon too

CAG12 · 21/11/2019 17:15

"Oh it's a superstition thing! OK that makes more sense"

Oh OP. Please dont try and act like you actually believed buying stuff caused a miscarriage.

I bought a few things after the 12 week scan, then started getting ready properly after the anomoly scan as if everything is ok here theres a high chance the pregnancy will have a good outcome.

sue51 · 21/11/2019 17:16

Its an old superstition pre dating boomers by a few centuries. My granny born 1890s would always be horrified that my mum who was born in the 1920s, bought stuff for her babies before they arrived. She was concerned that the little people would be wise to new baby and might steal it or swop it for one of their own. Very superstitious lady my granny was. I'm a boomer and it wouldn't bother me in the least.

LondonJax · 21/11/2019 17:16

By the way my aunt said the same thing to me. She'd have been 97 had she lived. So it's definitely older than 'boomer'. Her mum said the same to her and she'd be 127 years (ish) old now. Women have been known to use their common sense in the past you know and probably, due to more home births and less medical intervention, had a much more realistic approach to all the things that can go wrong.

MistyCloud · 21/11/2019 17:16

@DontbeaBabs

No, I said you can't wait til the baby is born before buying stuff.. because 'superstition!'

I think you're the one not reading posts properly! Wink

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:16

I would never advise anyone to do anything before the anomaly scan. It might force you to make some pretty horrendous decision, and the last thing you'll need is a nursery full of stuff.

Nothing is every certain, but you can relax more after the 20 weeks scan. It will be absolutely fine for most parents, who will only learn about the sex of the baby, but sadly not for ALL parents.

Rubyroost · 21/11/2019 17:17

After a miscarriage I couldn't face buying anything and when I did start around 3 weeks before due date, I kept everything at someone else's house.
This time around I won't need to buy anything as most stuff we have stored away in the cupboards. I know a lot of people who have experienced loss who won't buy anything until a lot later on. I guess this might apply to people who have not experienced loss who are just cautious.

DontbeaBabs · 21/11/2019 17:18

MistyCloud I read it, and i replied that not buying everything on the day the baby is born doesn't mean starting on the day you test positive Hmm

bit difficult for you to understand?

Stuckinanutshell · 21/11/2019 17:19

I didn’t get anything until 24 weeks. If I got things earlier I wouldn’t think it was testing/trying fate but I also don’t believe in counting chickens. I just think it’s best to wait to ensure a viable pregnancy (as best as one can ever tell)

Celebelly · 21/11/2019 17:20

The whole point of my post was to point out that buying baby stuff early doesn't necessarily mean that it's never going to be used even if you do miscarry. A lot of people will try again and have a healthy subsequent pregnancy, particularly after an early loss.

And of course there is an undertone of blame to the sucked in breaths, the 'aren't you tempting fate?' comments and other nonsense. Fine to point out someone might find it difficult to come home to if the worst did happen (but the person themselves is probably best placed to judge that rather than someone making 'helpful remarks) but to make comments about 'counting chickens before they hatch' and it being 'bad luck', which always seems to be the basis of this belief, is pretty disgusting IMO.

MaryShelley1818 · 21/11/2019 17:20

@DontbeaBabs
You don’t get to speak for everyone, for SOME people it is superstition and for some it isn’t.
SOME people are cautious, some are not. I don’t see why it is stupid advice for people to do individually the right thing for them and how they feel or do you consider all things stupid if it’s not what you would personally do?
Just because you don’t agree does not make other people stupid, that’s extremely arrogant of you.

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