To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

[AliceAbsolum]

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me

OP demonstrates a serious lack of historical perspective in her assumption that “superstitions” started in the 1950s. Most superstitions date back to mediaeval times or beyond - some have their origins in Biblical times.
It’s just sloppy thinking to fling the “boomer” insult around like this.

I don't think it's to do with causing a miscarriage- I think it's to lessen the pain for someone who does go through miscarriage. Sadly this risk is much higher early in pregnancy so people advise not buying until you're much further in for this reason. Congrats on your pregnancy OP. Xx

How many weeks pregnant are you op?

Totally not a Boomer thing at all, think it is probably rather split - its why some women decide to wait till post 12 weeks to share their news too I suppose?

But no, YANBU as obviously buying stuff doesnt cause MCs...

Also when does a pregnant woman come out of this "jinx" potential according to those who do believe that? I lost my son after he was born... so not sure how that would work regarding the jinx!

However, saying this, I shall not be buying anything beyond the few token things for this baby until I am bringing him home. It was too painful to have a nursery full of things that will never be used by the son we lost. I do not know if I want to go through that again. We gave all our son's stuff away after he died, with our family and friend's help as I couldnt bring myself to go through it.

My reasons arent superstitious - but rather as way to protect our emotions (and our money too) if history was to repeat.

How many weeks pregnant are you op?

at most of couple by the sound of it...

Back in the Stone Age when scans were for finding fish off Iceland and you had very little idea what you might be going to get at the end of a pregnancy my mother mentioned that buying the baby all sorts of stuff before it (no way to tell the sex back then) arrived might lead to heartache. So we moved house instead (stupid, stupid!)

I was seven months pregnant when I went into labour, and literally the only thing we had for the baby was a box of 144 cotton buds someone had given us -- and you are not supposed to put those any where near a baby!

So we spent the two weeks when he was in the Special Care Baby Unit and I was only supposed to be with him for feeds and not allowed to pick him up out of his incubator otherwise, frantically rushing about buying nappies and dollygrows for him, and decorating a room for us to sleep in including fitting a carpet in it for warmth. And my mother hurried off and bought us a second-hand cot (that he didn't sleep in for months after he was born) and pram, and told us we were improvident.

Can't win.

But not buying things for an unborn baby is nothing to do with baby boomers; my grandmother had told my mother not to, back before the war, and she'd had it from her Nanny before the first war.

OP, I hope all goes completely well with your pregnancy. Whether you buy things for the baby or not!

I would n't really think of a moses basket as furniture. We were lucky enough to get use of the "family cot" now at my sister's house. I honestly didn't buy special drawers wardrobe (wardrobe ??wft do you need to hang up for them before 6 months??) or a changing table (dangerous and only practical for 4 months until they learn to roll). As I said ordering bespoke futniture for a 20 week fetus, just seems creepy and wrong to me. After 30 weeks or so however it is great fun to make things special. But I honestly can't think of anything that needs doing before the third trimester.

You are being quite insensitive and dismissive in your attitude, not recognising the loss and pain some people have bravely shared. No, buying a teddy will not “cause” a miscarriage. You sound intelligent enough, so you must know that. For some people, coming back from hospital after a sad loss is magnified when they see that teddy for their child who sadly is gone.

Threads like this make me so sad. No one ever thinks anything will happen, until it does.

I am not a babyboomer but do find the OPs original post rather offensive and ignorant too. It’s not purely ‘superstition’ but based on common sense given the fact many of us suffer early miscarriage. Obviously it’s not the buying of baby things causing this but it is devastating enough to have it happen, never mind having it happen and having baby things all around you afterwards.

@TwittleBee sorry for the loss of your little boy, I hope you're doing OK as I can't imagine how stressful this pregnancy must be

As I said ordering bespoke futniture for a 20 week fetus, just seems creepy and wrong to me well lots of people just consider it their baby even at 20 weeks, not a foetus. And who said bespoke? We got a cot bed online, a set of drawers from Argos to fold babygrows in and a wardrobe from Argos to hand up snowsuits / dungarees etc.

I was so scared to buy anything for my first. I freaked out when my dad sent us a little rabbit toy when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. I bought absolutely nothing (bar a pregnancy diary), but we did buy a flat and one of the bedrooms was supposed to be the nursery. Sadly the baby was really unwell and we ended up having to tfmr at 18 weeks. I was glad I didn't have any baby stuff to look at afterwards (apart from the rabbit that I buried in the back of the cupboard), as that would have made things harder for us, but for ages I kept sitting in that spare room thinking I should have been sitting there with my baby. I don't think it's superstitious but more self preservation, as others have pointed out. But really it's up to the parents-to-be. We're all different.

With my living baby I waited until 30+ weeks and Amazon were probably loving my last minute panic.

Ops Mom said "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it". That is about superstition, which is what she's asking about. If she'd said "don't buy anything in case it doesn't work out" then that would be different but she was clearly talking about the popularly held superstition that it is bad luck

For context we were young and quite poor ( well not breadline but no spare money for swanky cots and changing tables). Stuff was either handed down or ikea's best. To be fair my parents bought the pram for us as my birthday present 8 weeks before the due date. So I just did'nt live in world where such things needed to be ordered.

I bought an outfit for my firstborn before she was born, we had just found out I was pregnant a day before we flew out on a trip to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. We bought an outfit for a girl and one for a boy. My dh purchased some neutral baby gros but we left the buying of the bigger items till after 32 weeks. For my ds I did not but anything until he was born. He was in his sisters neutral clothes as soon as he was born and then dh went out and bought him some more clothes.

My cousins wife lost her one week old son due to a genetic condition they were unaware of. Her howl as she walked through the door of his nursery was horrific. They had set up everything in advance. I think your mum is being cautious and just trying to protect you from pain as all good parents would do I wouldn't be annoyed, she sounds very caring x

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

You mean the boomer generation that fought for your maternity rights and equality for women? Those boomers?

@AlexaAbidextra I think I love you!

OP I salute your ultra pragmatic attitude to life the universe and everything [irony alert]. But a little bit of empathy might not go amiss in your future role as a parent.

I'm sorry if the term fetus offends anyone. I do think this reguarding of any pregnancy as a baby straight away has it's pitfalls. It can't surrive outside the womb until at least 22/23 weeks, yes it is potential baby and definately a living being, but to buy gifts and furniture at that stage feels like counting your chickens.

Yeah true the boomer thing is agest. But as is the shit thrown at millennials. There's a FB group called "boomers why are they like this".

That is ageist crap too. Just like your OP. Why not just apologise rather than trying to justify your own prejudice on the flimsy grounds that you got called names first.

As I said I have worked in SCBU and seen the fragile little things at 23/24/25 weeks. They no more need babygros and wardrobes than they need space ships and
motorbikes.

hopefulhalf

why the goady post about "bespoke" furniture? You sound very bitter than some of us just bought.. furniture

Nothing wrong with a changing table, and even at 6 months, I would still use nappies that needed to be go somewhere!

Yes, I also bought a wardrobe from the start, even babies have babygrows and clothes that need to be stored somewhere.

I dont' understand your comments, it's bizarre.

I never called any of my babies, dead or alive, a "foetus" though. It's a baby. How viable they are is completely irrelevant.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

As PP have said it's just about what would you do with all the 'stuff' if the unthinkable happened. While it'll probably be fine it could all go wrong at any moment so imo there's no wrong time to start getting prepared. Your grief would be complete whether or not you have to sort out baby purchases. Try to enjoy it too without worrying about the worst case scenario.

Waiting till spring might be too late. I was 25 weeks when pram shopping and glad we didn't leave it any later as those things take aaaaaaages to come on order - like 8-12 weeks - that was a shock!

I didn't buy anything for the first 3 months in all 3 of my pregnancys not because I thought it would cause a miscarriage but just incase things did go wrong it would have been more painful.
I'm now 6 months and bought baby's pram today will get cot and everything after Christmas but we have been buying clothes since our gender scan at 4 months.

As I said I have worked in SCBU and seen the fragile little things at 23/24/25 weeks. They no more need babygros and wardrobes than they need space ships and
motorbikes.

no one said they did, and I think 23-25 is a bit early anyway, but there's a balance and it's nice to be ready at the end of your pregnancy, and not rushing to catch up with everything - when you are already wrapping up work in the office.
Technically you can absolutely buy everything only when the baby is here, but frankly could not be bothered by then!

Hospitals expect you to arrive with clothes, nappies, and even formula!

I'm a hcp so fetus is just the medical term for the pregnancy after 12 weeks before that it is a an embryo. As I said I'm sorry if that offends anyone. A 20 week baby is a infant of nearly 6 months. Changing tables are dangerous and IMO a way to get gulible 1st time parents to part with their cash. I was lucky enough to have 2 healthy term pregnancies and two wondeeful maternity leaves. Money doesn't buy happiness why on eartth would I be bitter.

I wonder if the poster who is being all goady about “bespoke” furniture knows (and hates) me IRL! Because this is what we did! I really couldn’t help myself and I can’t with this pregnancy either. I’m an obsessed planner and I like to have everything done in advance otherwise i obsess over it. My son’s car seat was in place a month before and nursery ready (bespoke 😉) two months before. At some point in the pregnancy the likelihood of going wrong can’t be that dissimilar from your child getting hit by a bus at, say, 3.

I could never begin to understand someone’s pain who has lost a baby, and there probably is a huge amount of naivety not having had that heartbreak where I just don’t expect it to happen and therefore am comfortable to race in and do those things: I don’t believe in “tempting fate”.