To think buying things for a baby doesn't cause miscarriage

[AliceAbsolum]

Newly pregnant, due in July. Thrilled. My mum said to me yesterday "Now don't start buying anything until after spring next year, you'll jinx it".

Sorry what?

Is this a 'boomer' thing?

I mean I don't intend to have the pram downstairs ready to go for 6 months and a fully decorated nursery, but getting the odd thing, especially in the January sales seems sensible to me

I suggested 30 weeks or third trimester as that's what I did. I don't think anyones suggesting buying nothing ahead of time.

Thank you SD1978

Is this a 'boomer' thing
Oh for goodness sake. My DiL has just given birth. They choose not to have any baby items in the house until late into the pregnancy in case anything went wrong. Her mother had two still births.

I don't but anything until late on because I worked in obstetrics and knew that pregnancy sadly doesn't always result in a birth. How insulting to infer it's just an older person thing.

hopefulhalf

I understood you didn't mean anything other than the medical term, but from a mum point of view, a baby is a baby. Well, at least for me. If it helps others to deal with other terms, it's not wrong.

I had a changing table for all my 4, definitively a must buy for me

You sound bitter because you jump from people like me, buying a cot and some clothes storage to mock "bespoke" furniture
Seriously, what's wrong with buying a cot now!

Sadly perinatal mortality is 0.7 %

As I said I have worked in SCBU and seen the fragile little things at 23/24/25 weeks. They no more need babygros and wardrobes than they need space ships and
motorbikes.

Yes but they are likely to need somewhere to sleep once they go home, if they are able to do so. And their parents might not fancy scrabbling around to order things while their child is so poorly.

Literally nobody has said anything about being remotely offended at the term ‘foetus’, are you trying to provoke a reaction or hoping someone does take offence hopefulhalf?

And no, my furniture isn’t bespoke, neither is the furniture bought by any new mum I’ve ever met! It’s easy enough to get a simple, affordable set from many places, that will last for years.

the thing is, yes a pregnant woman knows that a baby won't need his bookcase any time soon, but can you bothered to redo the room every 6 months or every year when they reach the next stage?

I planned my nursery to work from birth till about 2 or 3, when they need a real bed and start to have an opinion on what is too "baby-ish", worked well!

48 road deaths of children under 15 in 2017. Unfortunately being born is much riskier.

My dad had to fetch the pre ordered pram from the co-op after I was born. It was considered ‘bad luck’ to have them in the house before baby was born. That was the early 1970s. It isn’t a boomer thing. Buying stuff and having it in the house does not cause miscarriage although it must be even more heart breaking (if that’s even possible) for anyone to loose a baby and have a house full of baby stuff so for that reason, overdoing it isn’t wise. I had, pram, crib and a fair amount of kit before DS arrived though not until 30+ weeks. I did buy a couple of cute things as soon as I found out I was pregnant though

People can buy whatever they like obviously. I didn't buy any special furniture for mine. Of course they need somewhere to sleep. However unless it is being handcrafted why would you need to get any of it before the third trimester ? But changing tables do cause accidents.

@hopefulhalf which means it tragically happens, but rarely. Perhaps by your logic no one should buy anything until the first year is done beyond the basics of 2 babygrows, 2 bottles etc. Leaving it til 30 weeks won't guarantee anything, as this thread sadly shows

why would you need to get any of it before the third trimester?
Because people like being prepared
Because people like taking advantage of good deals and sales thst pop up
Because people don't want to sit in NICU working out how to get the cot delivered to the house when they never leave the hospital.

I waited with my first pregnancy until I knew everything was ok at 12 weeks. I also had the harmony test to confirm it. I now have a beautiful 4yr old son.
My second pregnancy, early last year, I started buying stuff straight away. She had Edwards Syndrome and miscsrried at 15wks.
This pregnancy (I'm 22.5wks) had harmony tests again and waited until I was about 16wks before I bought anything. I'm currently decorating the nursery too and am waiting for the travel system I bought at the baby show in October to be delivered.
I wouldn't say I'm superstitious but it felt awful looking at things I bought for my last pregnancy - it was too painful to keep so I gave it all away to charity. I couldn't go through that again.

I only bought a couple of things for my LO before they were born but only because someone close to me lost her baby soon after birth. They had to go home to an empty nursery and I couldn't imagine anything so horrible

It's absolutely up to you. I didn't start buying anything until after my 20 week scan and my baby still died, not because I'd bought stuff but as the others have said, having the stuff in your house to look at as you're grieving doesn't tend to help.
When my second DD was due, we did absolutely nothing until the day she was born - didn't need her nursery as she would be in our room anyway for the first 6 months, didn't need to order her pram until she was safely here etc.
It's completely personal choice though.

Nearly 1 in a hundred much more likely than being hit by a bus aged 3. That was the only point I was making.

Interesting you say that about the first year. Going back to the 1870's people really didn't invest (time, love or material things) in their children until they were over the first year or so. Many cultures have a big celebration of tbe first birthday for that very reason.

Taking sucessful pregnancy and survival of infancy for granted is a very modern phenomena.

hopefulhalf

But that’s just car accidents. What about alllll the variety of different ways a baby under 5 could randomly die? At some point the risk tallies.

I don’t understand why YOU are the expert on when is safe for people to buy furniture or clothes. From 10-12 weeks some people feel comfortable. For others it’s 20. For others it’s not until right at the end or after. Why is this anyone else’s business?

And for the bespoke furniture it was necessary to order months and months in advance because, as you say, it’s hand-crafted and takes time. Again, what’s the problem with that? my risk, my business.

Aw congratulations! Personally I would wait for the 12 week scan as if I was to buy and something was to go wrong I'd hate seeing all these lovely things I've bought! With my first I didn't buy anything til like 16 weeks and more after 20 when we found out the sex! It's an exciting time and enjoy it but honestly there's no rush ... trust me those 9 months will be the longest months of your life!!x

Entirely up to you. My first daughter was diagnosed with Edwards syndrome and associated complications at the 23 week scan. We didn’t buy a thing until we left hospital when we bought a pram.

5 days later we were readmitted and she never came home again. We returned the pram and were asked why in front of a long queue in John Lewis. Waiting to buy didn’t make that easier.

Babies die, in pregnancy, early on and late on, at birth and afterwards, with warning and without, having stuff for them doesn’t necessarily make that loss harder. Coming home to a home with no sign a baby ever lived there or might have lived there can be painful too.

Personally I’d consider 5% a pretty high risk. My risk of having a baby with Edwards after my 12 week scan was less than 0.25%. She still had it. In a large maternity unit 5000 women will have babies in a year, if they all saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks 250 of them would still miscarry.

I didn’t buy anything until after 30 weeks, and even then STBXH felt uncomfortable about it. He’s a paediatrician, not a boomer, and very aware from his job that not every pregnancy, sadly, ends in a healthy, live baby. (My aunt also had two stillbirths.) And DD was so small at term family had to rush round buying smaller babygros anyway.

I do worry whether the trend of knowing the sex/naming the baby/having baby showers makes things even harder for parents whose baby is born asleep.

There are plenty superstitious/ conspiracy theory type people in gen x or z. But congrats on your contempt for your mother. Also I'd suspect your mother isn't that likely to be the boomer generation, but I am sure you've googled it first.

My mum said the same stuff to me. I ignored her. Well, actually, I didn't - we had a huge row about it. When she said it I had had already had two miscarriages, one of which was the twin to the baby I was still carrying at the time she made the comment. For me though, I had a strong feeling that having the baby's room and things ready for their arrival would give them a reason to 'stick' and they would feel welcome. Daft. I know, but that was how mind worked.
You do what you feel comfortable doing, congratulations on your pregnancy.

Obviously it doesn't but I can tell you the heartache of having to look and or get rid of baby stuff for a much wanted pregnancy that doesn't end well. With my son we didnt buy anything till I was 35 weeks. Even the the bare minimum.

@hopefulhalf

As I said ordering bespoke furniture for a 20 week fetus, just seems creepy and wrong to me.

Bit of a rude thing to say.

Your posts are SO full of doom and gloom.