To ask what you find difficult about Christmas, if you do?

[ChristmasOnTheHorizon]

A significant difference for me this year is I think I have come close to accepting that it is not likely I will ever have a (biological) child of my own.

It's also just not the same for me since a couple of bereavements.

Will have 2 texts from family of origin, which is slightly sad and uncomfortable, when friends are so close to their families for the most part. Of course they don't have perfect relationships (who does!) but...I can remember when I had that (sort of?...I guess maybe it wasn't what I thought) and now I don't. My friends are lovely but spread out across the world and I'm not really on anyone's radar at Christmas either, so we won't have parties or gatherings there in lieu of family stuff. I wish I had a few people who would be thrilled to hear from me, or who would be keen to pick up the phone and call themselves!

HOWEVER, I am very lucky as have wonderful dp and we will have a very cosy and festive time together despite my above moaning for what I don't have! I suppose it's alway the way.

For some reason, I felt a wobble about it today, feels therapeutic to write it down.

What do you find hard about Christmas, and why?

My other half is emergency services so won’t be at home this year. It’ll be me and DD and that’s it. No family, no friends just us two. I used to love Christmas but now it just makes me very very sad

There should be two little girls opening their presents and causing mischief, not one. The older DD gets the more I realise just what we lost when our first daughter died. It's not just the baby you lose. It's the toddler, the child, a whole future. I'll never be at peace with that.

Similarly to you, OP, I find it hard because Christmas is sold as a time for family and I don't have anyone apart from DH. After a long, nightmare of a struggle trying for our own family, DH and I have decided enough is enough and we're coming to terms with being childless.

But - the advertised 'idea' of Christmas all around us highlights what we feel we're missing, but the truth is that so many people with and without children and family feel the sting of depression and loneliness, for so many reasons.

I'll be volunteering this Christmas which makes me feel like I'm doing good and focuses my energy away from feeling too sorry for myself!

I will be thoroughly enjoying and draining a lovely bottle of Prosecco in the evening, too. :)

The last two years my mum has been seriously ill at Christmas and my dad in a home, my mum passed away on January 4th this year.

You’re not alone OP. Ads on telly all depict big happy families with huge roast dinners but that’s not the reality for a lot of people. I hope you have a nice Xmas with your dp.

Oh @DeadButDelicious so many thoughts for you.
I find it hard that we can't really relax because our DCs, and DS in particular, take so much attention and need routine (i.e. not Christmas) due to SEN.
And though actually I find my DM difficult herself, I find it hard that for the 8 th year running she has invited my DB and DNs and SIL to stay with her, not us. There's never any negotiation or suggestion we could stay elsewhere but still come. We have always been the second best family, whether that's because she feels more responsible for my DNs, or because mine are not her biological GCs I do not know.
And I'm also aware I'm falling behind at work and that male colleagues will be using the time to get a nice chunk of work done and come back in Jan with some report or proposal all shiny and I'll look even worse.

My mum died two weeks ago... I've found Christmas difficult since my miscarriages around Christmas years ago, but this year is extra hard. I just don't want to do it.

Love to everyone who struggles at this time of year

Christmas is really pretty rubbish for anyone who doesn't really fit the "2.4 children/happy family/all together on the day" model. It doesn't matter if that's due to work, family issues, bereavement, or anything else - it's just really hard.

I really do get it. The next few weeks are going to be really hard (especially when there are people around who are just so 'into it all', if you know what I mean...)

I guess, though, we're not the demographic the advertisers/money-makers are aimed at.

That I’ll never have the babies I so longed for and a “proper” family Christmas.

That my DF is no longer here.

@DeadButDelicious

Sorry for your losses @Strunderthuck @foxynoxy30 @DeadButDelicious and for those who are going through a tough time.

I'm unable to do much this year due to a chronic illness and it's a bit shitty tbh. But I do count my blessings.

I miss that neither my DM or Father are still here, and that since their deaths every Christmas sends my sister into a massive downward spiral (that starts about now) and despite support I fear that one day I will receive a call saying she's taken her life.

I love Christmas but don’t really enjoy the day itself any more.

We long for children of our own but DP and I are struggling to conceive. Xmas day is spent with my family. My Dad died 7 years ago, I don’t like my mums partner. And I’m not keen on my sisters partner or his mother.

I prefer Boxing Day with DP’s family but don't feel I can relax in my own surroundings the way I used to be able to

I hope one day we can do Christmas our own way with our own little family.

Mum passed away Xmas eve last year so I'm dreading Xmas this year. Feeling really sad already.

I lost my DP suddenly in 2018. Last Christmas I had my daughter and G/son here and then son and DiL on Boxing Day. It exhausted me; not the work of prepping meals etc but the mental strain of trying to be 'ok' and happy with the world.

This year I have opted to be on my own. I will do whatever I like, eat if and when I want to and if I want a quiet cry then I can have one without upsetting anyone else.

The pressure on us all to be 'happy' and festive can really suck the joy out of it all sometimes.

This year will be shite.

I'm all but officially separated from DH.

I can't tell family - my mum is seriously ill with cancer, my brother's wife passed away this year, his dad is suffering from dementia.

H cheated for almost a year. Second time. I had a one night stand kind of in retaliation, because someone paid me attention for the first time in fuck knows how long. He knows that I've checked out. He's been trying. It won't work.

We have to spend christmas together for appearances sake.

Thankfully we don't have children.

The only person who knows what I'm going through is my boss (who I don't usually get on with), because I broke down completely in front of him.

I miss my DF so much and he loved Christmas. We've created some new traditions to honour his memory but every Christmas I suddenly realise in retrospect that, for a few weeks before, my mood is low. I don't suffer with depression, thankfully, but it's as if my soul is calling out for my dad. (I'm aware that sounds ott).

Christmas was always great with my DF around and we still have a good time but it'll never be as good without him. My parents were divorced and my DM makes it clear she doesn't want his name mentioned. She is challenging to deal with and I have to triage what comes out of my mouth so much in her company. We have to walk on eggshells which just amplifies the fact that I could talk to my DF about all sorts of stuff.

I don't celebrate it. And if you dare mention that people always go "you grinch, spoiling the season... blah blah"
Nobody stops to think what horrendous thing might have happened at Christmas to stop you celebrating it

to everyone who is sad, lonely, bereaved or is suffering in any way this Christmas.

I have just come to hate the entire forced joy and hate of this time of year.

My children were adopted two years ago and I was pretty much forced to go to my friends for christmas. I hated every minute so this year I have told everyone I just want to be left alone.

Its so painful not being able to share with my daughter's and have no family to rely on.

I used to love Christmas but too many people have died and too much shit has happened. So we just have a day and I do my best to make it lovely for DS.

Same as a lot of you. Lots of loss and the gaps in the family feel more hollow every year. Just me and DH as my adult children want to do their own thing.

My DF died this year. He was always the most awkward sod at Christmas, he didn't like noise or mess or so many people in the house so we would spend the day trying to chivvy him along, calm the kids or just plain ignoring the horrible atmosphere rolling off him.
This year we won't be doing any of that and it's gonna be awful in a whole different way

I used to adore Christmas but paradoxically since having dc it's been a bit of a nightmare.

Mil caused a huge drama on dc's first Christmas when he was only 10 weeks old, and my own dm basically carried it on the next year.

Me and dp have been the meat in the middle of two gms who have behaved quite childishly because they've not got their own way, and the stress of the inevitable drama has put a distinct damper on the whole thing.

Ds is six now and the first Christmas I've had since he was born was last year, but I was on tenterhooks the whole time waiting for something to kick off. Then my grandad died the day after new year.

This year I'm proposing having Christmas at home and people can come and visit us instead of us being dragged from pillar to post to appease the relatives and fuck em if they don't like it.

It's also bloody expensive and we're skint.

And I don't like glitter.

And I don’t like glitter