To ask what you find difficult about Christmas, if you do?

[ChristmasOnTheHorizon]

A significant difference for me this year is I think I have come close to accepting that it is not likely I will ever have a (biological) child of my own.

It's also just not the same for me since a couple of bereavements.

Will have 2 texts from family of origin, which is slightly sad and uncomfortable, when friends are so close to their families for the most part. Of course they don't have perfect relationships (who does!) but...I can remember when I had that (sort of?...I guess maybe it wasn't what I thought) and now I don't. My friends are lovely but spread out across the world and I'm not really on anyone's radar at Christmas either, so we won't have parties or gatherings there in lieu of family stuff. I wish I had a few people who would be thrilled to hear from me, or who would be keen to pick up the phone and call themselves!

HOWEVER, I am very lucky as have wonderful dp and we will have a very cosy and festive time together despite my above moaning for what I don't have! I suppose it's alway the way.

For some reason, I felt a wobble about it today, feels therapeutic to write it down.

What do you find hard about Christmas, and why?

@Herocomplex thank you . I said last year it would be the last but I hung on hoping things would get better. Sadly it does not appear so and both myself and our son deserve better. @Speakout lovely post.

I no longer enjoy Christmas for several reasons, many of which have been mentioned, I find it a depressing and upsetting time of year and agree with PP's who have said the people who expect everyone to love it and cry grinch and Scrooge need to realise that for a lot of people it's a hard time and they have no idea of the circumstances those people have faced/are facing

to everyone else who struggles.

I have three grownup DCs who spend part of the time with their fathers.

I'm happy for them to do that. But I have no friends, or any family that I'm close to, so finding a meaningful way to fill the time is very difficult.

The fact that it's supposed to be a time for togetherness makes it so much worse than the rest of the year.

Dad had a 'widowmaker' heart attack at the start of December. He clung on right through until Boxing Day. I'd go and see him every day after work and even now, I still can't do late night shopping at this time of year - I'm just reminded of the trips to Tesco Metro and getting the bus to Broadgreen every evening. The songs too, it was ten years ago but I still start crying when I hear any Lennon or McCartney Christmas songs (even the bloody Frog Chorus!) and that 'Keeping The Dream Alive' one.

I'll always remember the taxi driver who took me home that Boxing Day, he let me cry and told me about when his own Dad died. He refused to take his fare from me.

for everyone and here's hoping that those stuck with abusive bastards are free this time next year.

Much love to you all who are suffering this Christmas. I lost my mother shortly after Christmas nearly five years ago and feel the loss acutely at this time.

Like so many others on this thread, I am also childless and with 2 failed IVF attempts within 5 months this year, I have been told it's the end of the road for us to ever have a much longed for baby. Motherless and childless. However, I have a wonderfully kind and caring husband and I will look forward to getting to spend time with him over the holidays

I find Christmas really false, so for past couple of years I have volunteered at homeless shelters. Sets me up for the day.

Oh such a lovely and also a very sad thread, but it is reality and few are prepared to say it other than places like here.

The run up to Christmas Day is probably harder than the day itself in lots of ways. I am a veteran!

But it too will pass, but we will never ever forget those we loved who are gone. Bless them all.

I think of Christmas now as another day in Summer when I feel fine. I do not get involved in Black Friday or any online stuff, just buy what we want for ONE DAY and get on with it. Cash gifts for everyone else even the babies, their parents will buy them something or have a day out etc. Jammies on and a few treats then.

It really is just another day. So I ignore all the signals that I should be doing this or that. A few years of practise. But it really never goes away does it? No. You just have to deal with it in your own way.

Love to all.

I've gone NC with my father this year. Usually the family all go to his for a few days, but not this year. It will be very strange and I'm worried about how to fill the time at home for those few days, but actually I'm probably relieved not to be going.

My DF died on xmas day 10 years ago, of cancer, and although life pretty much goes on as normal now the rest of the year, xmas day still causes me huge grief and loss. Family sat round his bed at a hospice holding his hand whilst everyone else was eating a turkey dinner is something I will never forget.

@Livelovebehappy this thread is in my watched list and when I saw your message I thought for a moment huh? I’m sure I didn’t respond, I know I didn’t

I lost my Dad on Xmas day to cancer too. He was also in the hospice (he’d only been diagnosed just over two weeks earlier). But it will be 11 years this year, 2008 he died. It has gone so fast! My brother and I were with him and at about 20 past midnight realised it was Christmas Day so wished him a Merry Christmas and he died after that . There is something so cruel about a loved one dying on Christmas Day IMO. So for you and everyone else struggling at this time of year

look stupid it’s awful isn’t it? We always raise a glass to him on xmas day and feel so sad he can’t be with us. He loved family and I still miss him so much. Yes, to everyone on this thread struggling with Xmas.

I too am struggling this year (alot if I’m honest) because we are childless. Im 37 and trying 3 years. Trying to come to terms with the fact I may never concieve and trying to figure out what meaning my life will have without kids. My DH has a DD from previous marriage. She’s 16 now so abit grown up and doing her own thing. My Mum passed away Aug 2018 and the first Christmas without her last year wasn’t as hard as I thought because DP proposed on Christmas morning so it was all celebrations. We have since gotten married. But this year I just feel so flat and abit depressed really. My family are a flight away and we are childless. I never thought it would hit me like this this year but I’ve felt miserable. Very conflicted on whether or not to continue down the adoption route in May (after honeymoon) or whether to actually give IVF a go. Im scared about the negatives of both and just can’t make a decision. Feel so stuck at the moment I thought I’d be okay with our two dogs (who I treat as kids) but maternal instinct is gnawing away at me. It comes in waves and some days are harder than others...