To ask what you find difficult about Christmas, if you do?

[ChristmasOnTheHorizon]

A significant difference for me this year is I think I have come close to accepting that it is not likely I will ever have a (biological) child of my own.

It's also just not the same for me since a couple of bereavements.

Will have 2 texts from family of origin, which is slightly sad and uncomfortable, when friends are so close to their families for the most part. Of course they don't have perfect relationships (who does!) but...I can remember when I had that (sort of?...I guess maybe it wasn't what I thought) and now I don't. My friends are lovely but spread out across the world and I'm not really on anyone's radar at Christmas either, so we won't have parties or gatherings there in lieu of family stuff. I wish I had a few people who would be thrilled to hear from me, or who would be keen to pick up the phone and call themselves!

HOWEVER, I am very lucky as have wonderful dp and we will have a very cosy and festive time together despite my above moaning for what I don't have! I suppose it's alway the way.

For some reason, I felt a wobble about it today, feels therapeutic to write it down.

What do you find hard about Christmas, and why?

Great big hole in our family where DH used to be this year. He was a Christmas fiend, loved present buying and making it fun. I haven't sat round the family table since he died in Feb, that will be very hard.

The expectations to stay around people all day, for days on end in a stuffy house when costa etc is closed so there’s no excuse to leave. It’s a depression nightmare.

Thank you for this thread. I was starting to think I was the only one who dreads Christmas! I hate the expense, expectations from MIL that she will get her way every year and everything being closed so nowhere to escape to!

My heart goes out to all those who are feeling sad, bereft, lonely, fed up, estranged, trapped, bereaved and all the rest of it.

The expectations are far too high to have the "perfect" Christmas, when for many it is a total trial to get through it in one piece.

I am in the above club sadly with bereavement and it is total shit. I don't hate Christmas, love to see everyone enjoying it, but I am totally indifferent to it all. And I don't care. It is only one day, and once it's over I feel lots better.

I hope you all survive and feel ok.

I am so sorry for all those who have lost people/have trauma over this time of year . I came to post that after huge family Xmas's growing up - I had lots of Aunties and it was selection box central - I find Xmas with just the 3 of us rather quiet and I feel sorry for dd. I tend to overcompensate with gifts as I feel the tree should look busy. She said to me this year that whilst she likes getting stuff, she's conscious her friends tend spend time with family. And for various reasons I can't give her that. It made me feel awful .

In truth what I find hard about Christmas is sad memories of childhood Christmasses. My parents marriage was a farce, as soon as the novelty of Christmas wore off I dreaded them.

That sounds ridiculous to cling to those memories but it just brings up those feelings of 'it all being wrong' that you can't articulate or fully understand as a child.

PP it's as if my soul is calling out for my dad. (I'm aware that sounds ott) this doesn't sound OTT at all. It sounds like love.

@topcat2014 thank you. I am sorry for your pain.

Me too @GoldfishGirl as a child I had a sixth sense that other families didn't behave like this, and it was all wrong

Parking

I cannot stand being packed into overheated, overcrowded shops with crap music blaring. People spreading their norovirus and flu bugs everywhere. No shops for me until after Christmas!

The thing is I don’t know a family who hasn’t experienced loss of older family members. I’d lost all my grandparents by 16, one of my best friends both parents by 19. Relationships break down. Kids grow up and move on. I think if we realize we aren’t alone with things like that it can help us feel less resentful?

Loss of a child though. Damn. I have friends who do all this Xmassy stuff with their other child and try and make it so special and it’s just heart wrenching 😢

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners

I also find bereavement hard at Christmas. It's my second Christmas without my dad and I miss him so much.

It feels sad because my grandparents love family and Christmas so much and just seeing their faces makes me so sad. My siblings are all over 10 years younger than me and still in their teens and I just feel awful for them. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real.

I love this time of year but it doesn't feel the same and I don't know how it ever would do again.

Even as a child I found Christmas hard as my dad walked out on us when I was 13. Then as an adult losing family members to suicide has been horrific, and always makes Christmas hard, particularly in the last 2 years. I now have my own baby and will have to work hard to make it special for him.

I have suffered 4 miscarriages, although I'm incredibly lucky as I also have 2 children. It hits me every year at Christmas especially when I watch my girls opening their gifts. I usually have to go away and have a little cry Christmas night. No-one in the family really understand, not even my husband.

My mom has terminal cancer and is unlikely to make it to Christmas; DS1 and DD2 have both decided they arent coming back for Christmas this year and my best friend is working all day. So that leaves me spending the day with my STBXH who is refusing to move out. Add to that I still miss my son who died 22 years ago and it promises to be a shit time

I adore Xmas, adore it, but could do without all the focus on family tbh.
I've lost nearly all of mine.
I just want to enjoy it my way without all the ads of huge families gathered round.

So so so many people have bad memories highlighted by Xmas. And it's highlighting what we don't have sadly.

for all those that struggle.

The the guest numbers become smaller and smaller as we lose family members. Looking around and seeing empty seats is hard.

This year is going to be a challenge because both of my parents died within the last 12 months.
No more going home to the Christmas routine and fun.
Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve or Matins on Christmas Day, finally being excused turkey after 26 years and all the other lovely memories.
I am planning to be abroad over the holiday period.

My H died suddenly in January and I'm not over it. The idea that everyone is having a lovely time is shit really.

I am sorry there are so many of us finding Christmas rough. So many kinds of pain. It really is remarkable how Christmas manages to accentuate them all. I suppose because they're all pain rooted in family deaths, illnesses, bitter rows or betrayals.

I think going away works well for some people. I have a friend who does that, she celebrates it all over the world in her own way as she likes it but has painful family memories at home.

My ( DH) favourite person died suddenly this year a week before Easter. I don’t want to do Christmas, I am struggling just to do life at the moment.

To everyone suffering, I send heartfelt 💐

My Dad died 3 weeks ago
DM has Alzheimer’s
DD is not able to join us as her MIL is terminally ill
The rest of us (3) are going out for a curry
I will entertain DM later in the day
I’m not in the mood for Xmas parties, markets, shopping, meals out or trimming up
Roll on January when I have 2 holidays booked