...to think I am a bridesmaid?

[chouflour]

DB is marrying a Canadian woman in Canada next year (they live there). She wants my children (toddler twin DSs and pre-school DD) to walk down the aisle with her and me and DSis to escort them down the aisle. She’s asked us to wear long navy dresses to fit in with the bridal party and to get ready with them in a hotel adjacent to the venue. However, she has excluded us (me, DH, kids, DSis) from the rehearsal dinner (because it’s for the bridal party) and we’re not on the order of service. She says this is because if the kids aren’t in the mood to walk nicely then there’s no obligation. Fine. But my sis (and me a bit) are really hurt at not being in the wedding party but yet being told what to wear and when and where to get ready.

You aren’t a bridesmaid.
Hiwever, you’re about to become family, she is using your kids in her wedding so she should really invite you and your family to rehearsal dinner! Are they really skint or something

Ps and you are flying across the Atlantic to attend. So they should be able to buy you dinner???

So DB has had basically nothing to do with the wedding. Anything I’ve queried he’s said it’s up to SIL because they have different traditions in Canada. Her parents are paying for the wedding - she’s an only child and her family are well off - but not other people’s clothes, as is tradition in North America. I’ll pay for my DC outfits and whatever I end up wearing long and navy or not!

The rehearsal dinner is 6pm so not too la tree for DC. It’s in a restaurant on the same block as the wedding venue and our hotel. Our parents haven’t been invited either. It’s possible they didn’t know that it was the North American tradition for the groom’s parents to pay for this dinner. Our dad tells me he’s given them £10k and told them to put towards wedding or use for their house renovations.

Have I forgotten anything?

Your brother should have got 'involved' if he wanted your parents there etc. They have a pretty odd relationship if he's not mentioned to her your concerns. She clearly is organising.

I think it's pretty clear that your dc will walk down the aisle on the day, and as you've volunteered to be there with them if needed you've kind of roped yourself in along with your DSis.

If your parents aren't invited that's a bit different (actually even more rude really).

You could suggest your brother dines with you instead - get very upset about how unlucky it is for the bride and groom to see each other the night before the wedding, as is British cultural tradition??

Yep I suspect this is your future SIL leaving stuff up to your DB and him not bothering with it at all!

What’s a rehearsal dinner?

What do you think it is?

I would be having words with DB about this. Not inviting his side of the family when they have travelled from UK to Canada and he's been given £10K. Total CFs.

Personally, I would not go.

The groom's parents are not invited to the dinner? Good grief!

If you still wish to make the effort & pay the expense for this wedding, I suggest you say it will probably be too much for the kids to take part (long flight/lots of strangers etc). Dress them absolutely adorably. You go full on British style & elegance (as should your mum & sis).

Gracefully turn down getting ready with bridezilla - it will be easier if both dh & myself get the kids ready, but thank you for the thought (ahem . . .). Be charm personified so you cannot be accused of spoiling anything or creating an atmosphere. Then enjoy.

The night of the dinner you and your parents & sis can go somewhere nice & child friendly & have a lovely relaxed evening.

Hope the rest of the holiday is fantastic!

coffeebeans has it.

Who ELSE would you be having a rehearsal dinner with? The two families, of course! Your poor parents.

Incredibly rude. She wants your kids as cute photo props that's all. I'd be having a word with DB & pulling us all out

My DB never had us sisters as bridesmaids as his ex wife (I can't say DW) only wanted her sister 🙃.
My DB was a total pushover and looks back now and regrets letting her do it but she's a right bitch so he's well rid. Thank f*ck.

How did the exclusion go did you clearly not get an invite or do you know it’s happening but were not invited

Because it could very well be as I said that she left it to him and he hasn’t bothered because not inviting your parents is odd to say the least and if her family are hosting downright odd

I can't believe your parents haven't been invited either. What a total snub.

Just plain odd your parents aren't invited

Maybe your brother needs to find his voice

Your parents have given them £10k, are flying thousands of miles and they haven’t invited them to a dinner in the same street as their hotel?! That’s awful. And I’d be pissed off at being told Where to go and what to wear as well. Think I’d be trying to spell it out to your dB.

So it's a rehearsal dinner for her family. That'll look odd!

So airfare
Hotels
Outfits for children
Special or not outfit for you
Present

££££ I think I'd Skype in, you're literally going for a few hours.

Have you actually asked about the dinner?

I am getting the feeling she just doesn't like your family that much.
We had separate dinners with our own families the night before our wedding - DH stayed in the same hotel as his extended family and had a celebratory meal including aunts, uncles cousins etc who had flown in from abroad
my dad & sister stayed at our house and we had a meal together but it was a bit more complicated as my parents were in the middle of getting divorced so mum and my brothers stayed elsewhere. My grandparents & aunts and uncles weren't with us any more.
We made sure all of our guests who flew in from abroad (we had quite a few) felt very welcome and even if we couldn't see them before the wedding we made sure they knew where to go for a lovely meal etc and certainly wouldn't have dreamed of making weird demands over what they wear or do, we understood what a big ask we had already made by asking them to come so far)

Surely the bride is going to get odd reactions when she tells guests that none of your DB's parents is attending the rehearsal dinner?
Aren't both sets of parents supposed to sit together?

I guess if she's an only child and her ILs live abroad she's erasing them from the picture early.
Wow.

By DB's parents, I meant relatives.

I think you should invest in a gorgeous fuchsia dress for this wedding...
I'd be pretty like that.
Not like you are going to see her much anyway. 😁

Petty not pretty! My autocorrect is too nice.

I think I would go for a striking red and white outfit. (Tribute to the Canadian flag)
No one could complain about that.

OP has she ever met you. There is information missing here as I said how has the dinner been mentioned (a) it is a bridal party dinner (is your brother going) (b)a rehearsal dinner you have specifically been told not to go to or (c) one that has been mentioned but you have not had an invite

(a) you aren’t a member of the bridal party do something with your brother. I remember doing this when my uncle got remarried his side did something separate. Accept with Grace the role she has given you and wear navy

(b) your brother is going and his best man but you haven’t been invited (and told you can’t come) don’t go to the wedding

(c) as above but you simply haven’t heard. Talk to your brother as he is likely been left responsibile for his family and hasn’t been bothered

Wow, what dicks. Your DPs have paid for the rehearsal dinner. It's unfortunate that you brother has taken advantage of them by not allocating part of the £10k towards this. They sound grabby and grim.