This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

He is right. Since when has an adjective to describe a nationality been racist? Is it racist to say someone is a 'happy British person'? You sound exhausting.

“ Is it racist to say someone is a 'happy British person'?”

Under what circumstances might someone say this?

@deydododatdodontdeydo
@BertrandRussell

So by the same token calling an angry man an angry little man is sexist?

It must be exhausting going through life pretending to be outraged and offended at everything.

f a man at work called you an "angry little woman" it would be sexist.

Is it sexist if I, a woman, call a short angry lady in the shop a "little angry lady" or only when a man does it

Likewise it seems calling someone a "strong Indian woman" would be fine as its a good trait, but saying "an angry Indian woman" would be racist simply because angry is negative.

In response to "Would you say an angry little white man" comments- no, probably not, but people would probably be fine saying "angry little Polish man" or "angry little French man". Both are white.

Using the description of the country is either fine for all or for none.

Mlou32 Totally agree. It's the thought police here!

Spot the difference:
I met a woman today.
I met a stupid little woman today.

Saying you met a stupid little woman today is only sexist if the reason she is stupid is because she's a woman, that's sexist to think like that. But what if she really was a stupid woman? Is it always sexist to say "I met a stupid little woman today", because stupid women do exist, is it the "little" that gets your back up?

@MandalaYogaTapestry I don’t think that’s a good analogy. If you can’t to China, we could you exactly that. An angry little white whatever because that’s not the norm in our country, if you speaking about someone in China we assume they Chinese. Same here in England, the listener would usually assume white. I have no problem with my race beging used as a descriptor because I am different. And that’s ok.

If he is always using the world 'little' as a way to diminish people, then I am agree with you, the comment is racist.

If it had been more of description of the person, then no he isnt.

The big issue you have here is that the same sentence can be taken in many different ways. The tone of the voice would have told you a lot on what he intended to say

Calling a woman stupid and little isn't misogynistic if she really is stupid and little. Then it becomes descriptive.

“ It must be exhausting going through life pretending to be outraged and offended at everything.”
Not anything like as exhausting as keeping your head buried in the sand while simultaneously shouting “Nothing to see here!!!!!”

I would suggest that in the "Stupid little woman" example, unless the implication is that she is 'stupid' and 'little' BECAUSE she's a woman then it's offensive (which is probably the point if you are going out of your way to describe her as such)...but not sexist.

Ah, come on.

He wasn't passively and neutrally describing the gentleman. He was being belittling of his appearance and possible ethnic heritage in an attempt to vent his feelings.

No-one comes home and calmly declaims, "on the 20th day of November, I served a tall English man who was an absolute pleasure to deal with". However, if said man is a complete pain in the neck, suddenly it's , "I had a lanky Londoner/plummy-voiced toff/Brummie today". Why is that?

People don't say this stuff when they're cross just to be descriptive, they really don't.

This really isn’t difficult to understand.

The phrasing links “angry” to being “Indian”, and the word little is a deliberate attempt to belittle. Just as the other phrase links being stupid and being a woman.

“She is stupid” and “she is a stupid little woman” mean different things - they are not identical in their meaning.

Well, when I call another woman a stupid little woman, it's not because I think being a woman makes you stupid, seeing as I am a woman so that would be slagging myself off too wouldn't it, I mean she is a stupid woman.

Just like when I call Boris a stupid little man, it's because I think he is a man who is stupid and I'm being mean, not because I think being a man makes you stupid.

@MonstranceClock - not sure from your post whether you agree or disagree with me. I am white, British but not English. I have been described as "(nationality of origin) lady", including at work. I am that and I always will be, and I have to live with it. Same with the angry Indian man. He was angry and he was Indian. Being at both sides of the barricades, so to say, I would call it descriptive and not racist.

It's racist, not being descriptive.
If sure of the ethnicity then maybe borderline as it wasn't an offensive comment, but the ethnicity was immaterial. How did the bf know where the man came from?
All that was needed was angry man.

This really isn’t difficult to understand

People can understand your point of view and still disagree with it.

We recently described a white British car salesman as an angry little wing nut. (Not to his face I should add.)

He was tiny, and his ears were very prominent. He was also an arrogant & belligerent bastard and it's the only dealership we won't be returning to because of someone's behaviour.

You could argue that "little" and "wing nut" constitute body shaming.

I must have also been racist when I referred to some of my ex colleagues as beautiful Indian girls.

Because they were bloody stunning.

Context and tone are often very important in determining whether any comment is derogatory or not. The exact same words can be used by two different people but have completely different intentions. I could say to my beloved brother ‘you’re such a gay little mick’ and it would be an affectionate tease, almost a term of endearment. If someone in an argument called him a ‘gay little mick’ it could well be homophobic and racist. And I would never use that term to a stranger because I am aware that many people would find it offensive.

The OP knows her BF and was part of the conversation. To her his words came across as racist and given her prior knowledge of his attitudes she is probably right. I think the fact that other people could use those words in a different, non racist context isn’t relevant here.

I’m surprised you’ve tolerated his casual racism so far OP.

I was the little Scottish lady in the last German village i lived in, it describes who i am (not sure about the lady ) i didnt see it as racist just descriptive. My DH is "The English bloke" in our tiny Scottish village now. If he had used the P word that would have been derogatory.

“Thought police”

OP’s annoyance is with her BF’s words, not his thoughts.

Lowland, again, context is important. An English friend was bullied at high school after moving to Scotland, and reports his nationality / accent being referred to constantly, as part of the bullying

I'm not sure about this. I'm in Ireland and would say angry little Dub if describing an angry little Dublin person or angry little Cork man or angry little German man or whatever it is. It's descriptive and sure there is no need for it but when I go to the park and see a cute little German Shephard I come home and say I saw the most cute little german Shephard, I don't just say i saw a dog. The same goes for people, most people when telling stories they try to set the scene dont they? Where they were, who they were talking to, what they looked like, were wearing etc a lot of things are unnecessary details but stories would be pretty boring without any descriptive language.